Hi all,
Nocontact4us asked on Catnip's thread whatever happened to me, and I thought I would take a quick minute to update. Unfortunately, a few months after visitations with oc really got into swing, my marriage began crumbling. I don't know if the pressure and/or guilt got to be too much for my husband, but he really changed. He became very abusive, both physically and mentally, to me. After months of trying to "help" him and after pleading with him to get counseling, I finally filed for divorce. I have been divorced now since September 12, and have had to obtain a Protection from Abuse Order against my ex-husband because of his inability to stop harrassing and tormenting me. During our most recent custody exchange, he spit in my face three times and would not let me get in my car to leave. I ended up having to report the violation, which resulted in him spending the night in jail. I truly do not know what happened to the man I loved. Honestly, I believe that he is mentally ill - and I don't know exactly what caused the breakdown, but I couldn't continue to live the way I was living with him. I couldn't have my children grow up in that kind of environment. I have really tried to assist my ex in seeing the boys whenever possible - in fact, I have been making two six-hour round trips every single weekend to take the boys to see him, because I truly believe that fathers should have open access to their children. Sadly enough, though, it looks as if his anger and rage towards me may affect his ability to interact with the children.

At first, it was very difficult being on my own with our four boys, but my parents have helped a lot, and now that I am enrolled in law school, I am too busy to dwell much on the past. In addition, I have just started seeing a man and although I am trying to proceed very slowly and with great caution, I am very excited about the new relationship there. I feel like a love-struck teenager again. School is hard, and I am so pitifully broke and exhausted that it isn't even funny, but I feel great about my life and myself, and it has been a long long time since I have been this happy.

I don't see oc anymore, naturally, but I do think about her often. She, ironically enough, attends the same elementary school as my oldest boy and so he does see his half-sister in the hallways. Aside from that, there is no contact. My ex has given up all visitation with oc since I left, and it appears that he wants nothing more to do with her. However, I do plan to send a card and gift from the boys and I at Christmas, just in case she remembers the time spent with us and wonders if we still care. I don't know if the ow will give it to her or tell her who it is from, but I'm going to send it anyway.

My plan is to finish law school - if I go straight through the summer, I can complete it in 2 and 1/2 years instead of three, and honestly I want to change child support and custody laws someday in the future. In a lot of ways I am relieved to be "free" of the oc nightmare (not the oc herself, the nightmare of having your spouse create a child with another woman) but it is something that has made a profound impact on my life and I won't give up on my dream of making a difference in that area.

I could write for three days on all the things that have changed for me, but you'd all get very bored very fast, I am afraid. But please feel welcome to email me at my new email address blackbird_fly1@yahoo.com. Unhappy wife, I'd love to hear from you, and tigger too, and where is gem?

And Catnip, don't stop being you regardless of what is said. This board needs you to be you - Your support and wisdom, and yes, your bitterness got me through some of the darkest days of my life. Sometimes, I just needed somebody else to talk openly about the feelings of outrage and shame and injustice I had - you did that, and you continue to do it for the newbies that need it. You CAN'T stop. Sometimes politically correct is great, and sometimes it is not. Anyway, you know how to reach me, so write when you get a chance. And when I finish lawschool, I fully expect you to let me fight the bloodsucking NY support system on your behalf.

Everybody else, please feel welcome to write. I always lurk at MB, and although it may take a day or two to answer emails b/c of my busy schedule, I WILL get back to everybody that does.

With love,
cdcollins

CdCollins,
I am glad to see you post again but I am sorry to read that things did not work out for your marriage. I am very glad to see that you are keeping your chin up and law school is going well and you have a new love interest. I hope everything works out wonderfully for you. You and your children are in my prayers.

Wowww cd,

What a success story AND an inspiring post! Congratulations to you! And yes, I DO mean success story.

Although the goal of the site IS the building and survival of the marriage, it is acknowledged that they can't ALL be saved, nor in some cases, should they be. They should have named this site Survivors of Infidelity because, when it's all said and done, THAT is the ultimate goal. To survive, knowing you tried everything you could, with your sanity, self respect and dignity intact.

Going to law school. Making a difference in this world. I admire you. Now that's what I call learning from the past and becoming a better person inspite of it.

You ARE going to make a difference and I wish you all the success and happiness in the world. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

CD,

Any time, Any place, I will work with you in regards to changing the child support and child custody laws...PLEASE!!!!

I have lots of insight for what it did to me and I vowed to myself to fight the system until it is made reasonable for all parties involved...

Count me in!!!!

I'm glad to see that you are doing well and that you are working on your law career....I wish you all the best...I was once a single mother in college with two babies, I know what a juggle that is...

I have much respect and admiration for you...
Hugs and prayers...
Twiisty

NOSETTA!!!!

I do a lot of lurking myself and really, really miss reading posts from you. I think of you and your little ones often. Life didn't turn out the way you had planned, but you're still doing very well for yourself...inspite of everything. Honey, you're destined for great things. I have faith in you.

OB1

CD, I will email you soon. I have missed you. So glad you are settled in your new life, with your boys. You go in law school-you will make one terrific lawyer!

Cd, glad to see your post. Even more glad to see you are doing well. Good luck in the law school endeavor and with your children.

May your new life be so much better than the old one. I hope your H realises soon what he gave up. Hope he gets the help it sounds like he needs. I will be watching for that new legal star to rise in the future.

TG

Ah my CDCollins,

Your name always brings a warm fuzzy feeling over me.

You and heavenly were always there to help me lick my wounds when I would drag my tear stained self to the keyboard.

And Catnip ... she was there to give me the words to use when I had to stand up to both OW and my fog covered H. And give them as good as they were trying to give to me.

We all have our purpose here and yours is remembered fondly. Can't wait until you are a big famous attorney and having researchers do all your work for you so you can show up in court and knock it to them .... then you'll have time to post on the board with all your employees running around executing your strategies.

I can see it now!

Best of luck dear old friend,
Z.

CD,

So glad to see that your life is going so well. Congrats on Law School and good luck! Though I am sure you won't need it. I look forward to someone helping to change CS laws, especially someone who actually has some experience in it...

Nice to see things are going your way in life. You deserve all the happiness and more.
Things with us are wonderful. Our little girl is now 4 months and just the sweetest little thing. I love mommyhood. Things are really hard with me not working and us paying $650 a month in CS, but we have our marriage, our health and our beautiful little girl and that is all that counts.

Take care.

<small>[ November 11, 2002, 10:53 PM: Message edited by: happy_girl ]</small>

Dearest Cd,

I lurk occasionally when I have the time, but seldom post.

I am so glad you are doing so well. I often thought about you.

You amaze me cd.

What a success story,your live have change completely for the better. All the drama left behind, and a new man in your life. I am so happy for you.

I wish you the very best in your future.

love mina


Good luck