I don't know if this is an odd situation, or not. My H and I are back together after a 6 months separation. We almost followed through on divorce, but weeks away from the end we discovered we both didn't want it, afterall. During the time of the separation we were 'friends' not able to completely cut ties. We talked on the phone everyday. We spent time together. We ever talked about the other people we were dating. I can't tell you it didn't hurt to do so, but out of wanting to being supportive we both just endured it.
The last woman he dated complicates things greatly. She is related by marriage to him -- for privacy, that is all I can say. He got quite serious with her and planned a future. However, He broke it off with her to give our marriage a new start. In fact, even as he was starting a relationship with her (yes -- they were intimate) he was STILL spending time with me (yes -- we were intimate). Even knowing this, I still wanted to try again with him. I love him. I want to stay married. He sufficiently explained that it was a rebound. It did go very quickly with them...a matter of days together and weeks long distance. I believe him.
It is obvious that disappointed quite a few people in the family. Some of them even got involved in putting them together. They saw her as a valid replacement and good for him. They even set up picture taking opportunities...like 'under the mistletoe' type scenes so they could kiss. I am treated differently due to all this, I think. I am literally a ghost in my own life now. They are nice, cordial, but I can feel their distance. Over time, I think that it will take care of itself with most of the family. But, here is the big problem to overcome. We will be moving to the state where she lives to be with his grandkids...something he has wanted to do for some time. I have always supported this. I love his grandkids and I enjoy being part it. But now, if I am excluded in any part of the gift buying or interaction with the grandkids, I feel on the outside. I feel insecure and hypersensitive. Since she is there and will be at every family event...HOW do I deal with it when we visit and eventually move there??? I love my husband -- I am devoted to being a good wife. I know he is devoted to us as a couple now...and he loves me. I can imagine serious discomfort, anxiety, conflict, pain over this once we move there. I can imagine watching for little exchanges -- real OR imagined.
I am so worried I won't be able to get over this and it will fester into a permanent ulcer in our marriage. WHY the hell couldn't he have dated a stranger??? Why did it have to be someone who will be around forever??? Plus I deeply resent the efforts parts of his family went to, to place them in each other's path. What did they think would happen if they broke up??? They were even in the process of setting this into motion when we were still living together. Their efforts interferred with a time when we could have even fixed our marriage before he & I separated.
HELP...
