Hi all, I am relatively new to this site, posted a couple of times when I found out about the A, got some really great advice.....A quick review: H told me of 2 week A from Oct 3 - Oct 14th, ow 25, with a 4 year old boy. I was away trying to decide if the relationship was worth saving, while this was going on....duuuu, anyhow A is over, but ow fell hard for him, im 36, he is 34, anyhow constant calls to our business, constantly trying to get go betweens to give him messages etc, anyhow put my foot down and told him no contact and she must be told in no uncertain terms or we have nothing to work out(which he did in front of me and not nicely). Last week she told mutual freinds of ours that she is pregnant with his child.... We have a 3 year old daughter together ourselves, and he claims she is lieing as she told him she had her tubes clamped etc...but needless to say I am reeling from the shock of all of this, I have tried to be very dignified and mature about the whole thing, and she just keeps playing these games with our lives, I realize she is young but this is affecting our whole community, we live in a very small town (2,200 people) so needless to say we are the town entertainment right now!!! I am terrified that it might be true and everyone keeps telling me I dont deserve to be put through all of this, and I dont, but he feels its my fault because I left.....go figure!!! I have not confronted her, but she keeps comeing around and most of the time I feel like walking out the door and beating her A** into the ground!!! any advice im really at my whits end with all of this!!!! and quite numb I just dont know how to keep dealing with all these head games and emotional rollercoaster rides. feeling quite lost..... He claims he loves me and realizes the A was for all the wrong reasons he is being very loving and kind trying everything to help me through this, but everytime I walk around my home I wonder where did they do it?? I feel almost raped and now this......to add to the betrayal and insult. any advice would be sooo appreciated.

Sorry to have to welcome you to this board...but you came to the right place for support during this difficult time....

My advice would be to get an Attorney and find out what you can do to establish DNA. Until that DNA comes back as your H's then you don't owe her anything except a no contact letter, preferably from the both of you or your atty. if she's harrassing you.

Then work on your marriage with your H and then you can work on making some major decisions about what the next step you both have to take is.

I think Docsgirl had a situation in which the OW "claimed" she was pg and m/c at 21 weeks and the woman never "showed" (looked pregnant) soooo there are different types of OW's out there...hopefully time will tell if she's lying or that your H is not the genetic contributor.

Hang in there...we are here for vents and keep us posted....

I'm sure the others will be around shortly to help you better than I can....

Twiisty

Don't usually hang out on this board, as it was never a factor for H and I...but I saw your name honeyb.

First...two week affair, unlikely to be PG. But possible. I wouldn't consider her PG...for about 8 more months...then if there is a child, contact lawyer and get the paper work started for DNA test. But, bet this won't be an issue.

She's been doing about everything she can to disrupt your marriage...I think she's trying one more thing to see if she can push you into throwing your hands in the air and walking away. jmho

During this time you have the golden chance of showing a united front with your H. If she contacts him, you, whatever...ask for a doctor statement...and then tell her that you'll see her after the babe is born for a DNA test...till then...bye!

Don't let her possible lies force you into doing something you and your H really don't want to do.

hey twisty & wifey!! good to hear from you, I know what your saying is probly true yet it is so very hard, I know she is doing everything in her power to pull us apart, as I said she fell hard for him, but so far we are showing a united front and standing sided by side, I know he loves me and I love him, we have a long road ahead but...I have to be honest with him and myself if she is pregnant, I cant stay with him, having her as part of our lives for the next 18-20 years is more than I bargained for from this relationship.... his remorse is genuine and so is his new attitude towards us yet the extremes she is taking is quite overwhelming, my counselor and family stand behind my choices but I feel so humiliated and embarassed that i have a hard time going out just to do grocery shopping for fear of someone else bringing me more disgusting news, you know the small town grapevine they feed off of this stuff....no more news from her as of yet but im sure there will be alot more I have heard through the grapevine that her ex is quite the psycho!!! great just what we need in our life!!! who knows what measures he will go to when she turns this into a pity me scheme to him!!! im quite worried for our home and business thank god for insurance!!!! should I confront her?? sensibly if at all possible or simply keep ignoring her?? and lord only knows where the next bombshell will land......I feel so alone

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by just a wifey 2002:
[QB]
First...two week affair, unlikely to be PG. But possible. I wouldn't consider her PG...for about 8 more months...then if there is a child, contact lawyer and get the paper work started for DNA test. But, bet this won't be an issue.
QB]</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Unlikely but possible. My husband had a three weekend fling and ended up with OC. It can happen but I am betting this woman is lying like Doc's Girl's situation and Zebra's situation.

Stay strong and focused on your husband and marriage and refer all incidents to an attorney and file for a restraining order against her to keep her from contacting either of you.

Good luck...hope she's lying.

hey thanks catnip, im really going to hope the situation is similar to those you mentioned!!! had some annonymous calls tonight to laugh in my ear and tell me how stupid I am to be taking him back and do I enjoy sleeping in the same bed as they were scr***** in!! its really quite pathetic, and I do see this but at the same time we are really trying hard to put this behind us and begin again, I know over time this will wear off, but its the now that is so emotionally exhausting. I spoke to H at work to explain the call he says ignore it as this is exactly what they want, to cause us to fight, but at the same time I want to scream into the phone until his ear falls off that if he hadnt made these stupid choices I wouldnt have to be suffering like this!!! and neither would our kids.... if the calls keep up, will change the # but somehow pointless as everyone knows us wouldnt be hard to get the new one.....I just dont know what to keep doing, I swear im walking a very fine line between sanity and beating her into the pavement, and yes I know it wont do any good but sure might make me feel better.....

My H had sex with ex-ow just THREE times within a one month period and the OC turned out to be his.

I'm praying---yet again, that this will be more like the situations we told you about...it can happen....sometimes just on a ONE NIGHT STAND....

Have you thought about changing your phone number so you don't have to listen to that juvenile crap?

We immediately changed our phone number....

Keep us posted...

Praying for ya,
Twiisty

Honey,

We hadn't heard from you in a couple of days. How goes it?

Are things getting any better?

Are you and your H following the Harley principles?

Saying a prayer for you to receive a "get out of jail free card".

Z.

honeyb,
I'm late on this, but I hope things are improving. Did you change phone numbers? That's one good suggestion.

Welcome to our board. The Harley principles are GREAT!
Prayers,
J, in recovery 4y and glad I stayed

Honeyb,
My situation is like yours also. H swears it is over again and again, but yet this little person on my shoulder keeps letting me find proof it is not. H's friend also had a child during the period they were together and she swears it is her H's, but can I trust her word? No way. She didn't seem to disappear even when she found out I knew who she was and where she lived and worked. I finally called her husband and told him that his W was f****** my H for 5 years and he should ask her about it. She then told my H goodbye finally at least that's what they claim and I am having a hard time believing it and am skeptical that he is not going to see her after he gets me in a comfortable position so I won't leave him. Now our daughter knows some of the pieces and hopefully that has bothered him as he didn't want her to know and hate him forever and she has actually been wonderful through this all and supports whatever decision we make, but I know she would stand behind me if he is lying yet again and I hope he is not that stupid again.
Hang it there if u really love your H. He could be telling the truth and you need to give him the chance. Get privacy manager on your phone like I did and the calls will go away. They have to give their name before your phone even rings and then you can decide if you want to accept them or not without them even knowing you declined. It is only 3.20 per month and a boost to your mental attitude.
Good Luck! and let me know what u think of my situation.

Hi everyone, thank you all for your prayers and responses!!!! sorry been busy for a couple of days, no more new news as of yet, the phone calls have stopped (thank god) and H says he hasnt heard anything new, he figures it was all her way of trying to cause trouble....but what concerns me is he is being very distant, not saying a whole lot, im concerned that there is more going on and he is trying to spare my feelings, but instead its driving me insane!!! if it is true I need to know, if it really is a lie I need to know, enough of the spare your feelings crap!!!! I must admit ive also been distant with him, everything keeps playing in my mind like a bad bad movie!!! but im hanging in there for now.... hes working late tonight but when he gets in im going to sit him down and tell him to spill the latest I know hes heard something!!! the town is to darn small not to have!!! anyhow thank you all again, for now all I can do is play the waiting game, have a counselling appt tomorrow so can do some real venting of frustration!!! in the meantime ill keep everyone up to speed as news comes in, and thank you all again for your concern!!!

well, o.k. here is the final news H just called from work ( he was working late at the shop ) to say there was something he needed to say....turns out the rabbit died, she is pregnant and he's known a couple of days....I knew something wasnt right..anyhow...he was crying and was scared to tell me because of the thought of losing his family....crap gotta go mix a stiff one need time to process this one....I told him not to come home tonight I need some space...now what?????????

Hi Honey,

I can't tell you how very sorry I am for the recent news. I know how you feel. Disbelief is a good starter ...

How are you feeling? Are you okay? Take good care of yourself during this time. It's very important.

I've been thru it, and I'm here to tell you, you and your marriage can survive this. But right now all you want to do is take things nano-second by nano-second .... hour by hour, and day by day.

When your H gave you the news, may I ask, what was your reaction to him?

He's very scared right now, very confused and probably feels a large degree of shame. In order for him to tell you stuff about whatever he hears about OW or OC, he needs to feel safe. Meaning, he needs to know that he can tell you everything and not worry about you being completely devistated. Do you think you can be strong enough to hear everything? I know this is so hard, and again I am so very sorry.

Please post back so we know you're okay. We are here for you.

Lv,
Jo

Hi resilient...thanks for posting...o.k got the idea of he is scared but what about me???? when he told me I was speechless, followed by huge, rasping sobs of utter pain...Im terrified!!! we have a beautiful 3 year old girl, and he has been a stepfather to my 12 year old son from prev marriage that lasted 10 years.....I am so lost and devestated that there just are no words coming right now.....the tears are blinding, and the pain is unbelievable.........I hope he feels shame, I am there for him, but whose there for me??? I cant see him tonight....just too painfull I am not being crazy and screaming or anything he understands I cant see him for tonight....I dont know....so lost....

We're here for you. I know the pain. Believe me, I know.

I wasn't sure how you were doing. Was worried about you.

Everything that you're feeling are valid emotions, you have a right to feel this devistated. It's a horrific piece of news. But you can get through it Honey. I promise you can.

Do you have anyone you can call that can be with you right now? You shouldn't be alone. Someoen that you can trust? A relative or good friend?

Jo

Double post.

<small>[ November 27, 2002, 11:08 PM: Message edited by: Resilient ]</small>

hi res... thank you for your kind thoughts, i really do appreciate all your support and words, No I have noone right now, my family doesnt know we were trying to work things out, they are too disgusted with him and his actions to want anything more to do with the whole situation, my girlfriend is on her way out, 45 min drive but she's coming.....few more drinks and some good crying should get me through the night, tomorrow is a whole new ballgame.....thank you....so much...it just hurts so bad..........

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by honeyb33:
<strong>hi res... thank you for your kind thoughts, i really do appreciate all your support and words, No I have noone right now, my family doesnt know we were trying to work things out, they are too disgusted with him and his actions to want anything more to do with the whole situation, my girlfriend is on her way out, 45 min drive but she's coming.....few more drinks and some good crying should get me through the night, tomorrow is a whole new ballgame.....thank you....so much...it just hurts so bad..........</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">You are very welcome sweetie. I'm relieved to know you have someone to come stay with you. You cry all you need to. I remember I cried for days, even got physcially sick ... I just couldn't believe it. But I got through it, and I'm far from alone in experiencing this ordeal.

There are many here that have been through what you're going thru, unfortuntely. We'll help you get thru it. We've been thru all the facets of it and know our way by experiencing it.

But for right now, you just need to breath and digest the news. There's still some unknowns and things to unfold yet. So, try your best to take good care of yourself and your precious children, and not make any decisions about anything at this time. Just take care of YOU.

Please don't pick up the phone if you feel that it's OW on the line. Do not talk to her. This is private business between you and your H. She is an outsider and should not be included in what you and he discuss at this time. Her phone calls will only upset you and have no value to your situation. Completely avoid them.

Love,
Jo

<small>[ November 27, 2002, 11:23 PM: Message edited by: Resilient ]</small>

honeyb,
I'm sorry for your pain. I upped my tips for newbies. Please be very kind to yourself. You're in the worst kind of grief, like when someone close dies; you are right tomorrow will be hard, and the next day and the next... but one foot at a time you'll get to a day when this will NOT BE the important thing in your life any more.

Angels be with you,
J
in recovery 4y and glad I stayed!

o.k. I hear what your saying... take care of me who feels about 3 years old and needs to be held, dont talk to the ow, whom I want to murder, and have no contact....here's the problem...I cant see why she would want this child from a 2 week A and why she wouldnt want an abortion??? clearly she has fallen hard for him and figures this is the way to get him.....but what this stupid, selfish child doesnt figure is that she 25 with a 4 year old, me 36 with a masters degree in business will not stand for this horse****!!! My home and my kids will not suffer because of his wandering D***!! and if she wants to play the game of womanhood than she better be prepared for the battle of intelligent minds....the house is solely in my name and the business is half mine, where does this leave her???? (besides on welfare where she currently resides... nowhere!!!) Im sorry Im just soooo angry at this stupid, stupid girl who thinks this is her way to easy street.... forgive my rant...but need to get it out!!!! what she doesnt realize is that he has nothing except goodlooks I am the brains behind all the finances, bottom line.....in a small town where everyone is looking for somone to take care of them, he fell hook line and sinker for a stupid girl....let the games begin.....with or without him my children will not suffer, nor will she get rich before I block her every step of the way....damn him for doing this to us.....