Dear honeyb,

I am not offering you any advice. Right now I think you need to let the news sink in and think through your own feelings about this mess.

Please just keep in mind that all of your reactions are perfectly normal. Every one of us has stood in your shoes. I remember describing the news that the OW was pregnant like being broad-sided by a freight train. The pain was so intense it was like nothing I have ever experienced.

But, so many of us have made it through and are in fully recovered marriages. I hope that will give you some comfort. Your emotions are very raw at this time so the important thing is to take care of yourself and process this tremendous hurt that you feel.

I will pray for your strength and ask God to hold you tightly in His arms as you sort through the feelings and start to focus on your future.

love,
heavenly

<small>[ November 27, 2002, 11:53 PM: Message edited by: heavenlybody26 ]</small>

Vent here, do it all here. Don't vent it at your H if you can help it ... I know what I'm asking may sound absurd, but if you can at all help it ... bring it here first.

You have a perfect right to be angry and defend your family. Yes, the OW sounds like she may have had an agenda. Not surprising.

But, like I said. Don't discuss any of this with her. Don't talk to her at all. A convo with her will go nowhere, and only cause you more grief. She is an outsider.

There's going to be an array of emotions you'll be cycling thru, Honey. We're here for you.

Lv,
Jo

thank you, thank you all....res I know your right, but.....tears flowing heavily...im so devastated....the pain is more than I thought possible!!!!! I will not let this kind of person destroy my life, damn it ive worked too hard to build it!!! and the anger seems worse as the minutes pass...H called crying wants to come home so we can talk...I hung up said we have nothing to discuss at the moment, I need space... even told him to call her!! wrong move I know but anger kicked in before brain!!! unplugging the phone for the night , girlfriend arriving shortly and trying hard not to burn down the ow house before the night is out....lol (see trying to find some humor in this pathetic mess...) im sorry just so overwhelmed by all thats taken place............thanks again for listening...more tears coming, not feeling well mabey need to lie down....

I know how painful this is .... indescribeably painful. There just aren't words. I was sure I was going to die from the pain at one point. But there is relief, I promise. Time is key ... only time.

I don't know how we women make it thru these things. Even when faced with such devistation, somehow you were able to crack a joke ... pretty amazing of you.

I'm just really sorry you're going thru this. You don't deserve it. There is no excuse for adultery, NONE.

Maybe you should switch to some water to dilute the alchohol, so you don't feel ill.

Jo

res... I wish it was the alcohol that was making me feel ill.... its simply everything else, few drinks dont hurt but none the less feeling ill... girlfriend is here now, crying is on, H tryed to come by the house she refused him and told him to just leave it alone for the night....painfull but necessary for now....thanks again post tomorrow...tears and sorrow......

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by honeyb33:
<strong>res... I wish it was the alcohol that was making me feel ill.... its simply everything else, few drinks dont hurt but none the less feeling ill... girlfriend is here now, crying is on, H tryed to come by the house she refused him and told him to just leave it alone for the night....painfull but necessary for now....thanks again post tomorrow...tears and sorrow......</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Okay, I understand about the ill feelings, completely. BTDT.

I'm glad you have your GF there for you. She sounds like a very caring friend. You're blessed. Do you best to try and calm yourself, okay. And I hope you can sleep at least a few hours. It will help you for tomorrow. We'll be here when you're ready.

God bless you .... I'll pray for you tonight too.

Jo

honeyb,
it's good to cry and good you have your girlfriend there. Go light on the alcohol. You won't eat, sleep or feel normal for days; we have all been where you are and your reactions are normal.

Just try not to do anything out of pain that you will regret in the long run. DO NOT contact XOW!! Do not sink to that level of pigslop.

I think I posted in my tips for newbies to do some of the following--smash old crockery (preferably at the junkyard) or old fruit/veggies for anger, long warm baths, journaling (put feelings to paper!), long long walks, counseling...

Hang in there. It hurts like hell, but you're going to get through this, one minute, one hour, one day at a time.

God be with you,
J

HoneyB....I have absolutely no advice as I am new to this board and this MESS as well.

However, I am offering my intercessory prayers up for you right now.

Angelia

Hi all....well its a new day, but unfortunately the pain is just as bad as last night..have one hell of a hang over though...lol H camped out in his car all night long in the driveway, suppose I should feel sorry for him but I dont, hope he froze his b***S off!! GF is still here we are just going to go get a bite to eat, she got the kids up and outta here for the day with another friend, gonna try and force some food down and mabey a coffee or two....head hurts, stomache hurts, heart is in 2 pieces......

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by honeyb33:
<strong>well, o.k. here is the final news H just called from work ( he was working late at the shop ) to say there was something he needed to say....turns out the rabbit died, she is pregnant what?????????</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Hi Honey
I understand your pain, but I have to ask this question? Did your husband get a confirmation of pregnancy meaning some kind of proof.

Now I heard you say the (rabbit died) was that a figure of speech? The Animal Humane Society (if I'm correct) fought for no use of animals during pregnancy testing. You need to find out for sure.

Ask husband what proof does he have.
I pray everything goes well for the both of you.

Honey,
Absolutely INSIST for proof that there is a pregnancy. The XOW in my case strung us along for 5 miserable months having Doc believe that she was pregnant, all the while she had moved on to her next company playmate . If she is pregnant I'd establish paternity immediatly.

This woman, playing her games with the phone calls doesn't sound very credible to me. I hope like my XOW she is lying and you and your husband can get on with the repairing of your marriage..

Peace!

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by MALC:
[QB]

Now I heard you say the (rabbit died) was that a figure of speech? The Animal Humane Society (if I'm correct) fought for no use of animals during pregnancy testing. You need to find out for sure.
QB]</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">It's just an analogy these days. Before we peed on sticks, labs used rabbits to determine pregnancy in the dark ages. Don't worry about the furry little bunnies...they are not used anymore to verify pregnancy and haven't been for decades.

Honeybee:

Heavenly and Jenny said it best...allow yourself to grieve and allow yourself to digest this information. Read Jenny's posts to Newbies and above all, don't make any life altering decisions right now. Just study everything you can on this site pertaining to rebuilding your marriage and take time to get through the next few weeks.

You are in the worst of it right now and probably in shock. Be good to yourself and stay out of the liquor cabinet because all that will do is delay your healing.

We are here for you, honeybee...and in my prayers.

Catnip =^^=

honeybee </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">You are in the worst of it right now and probably in shock. Be good to yourself and stay out of the liquor cabinet because all that will do is delay your healing.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I did that and it gets you nowhere!

Please listen to the kitty.....Do not attempt to drown yourself in alcohol....

Keep on coming here for help. Someone will hear and answer you.
love
Debi

hi all, thanks again for all you input and support, sorry been away for awhile digesting all the new info, to answer your questions, no the ow has not provided any type of proof, so far her claims are unsubstanciated!!!! I did what I should not have and confronted her a couple of days ago, and let me tell you there was genuine fear in her face, I told her if she thought this was her ticket to easy street to think again!!! everything is in my name, not his and as far as money was concerned he has none, its all mine...so her games were only going to keep her on welfare and not get her rich quick....She claimed that she "thinks" she is pregnant and if she is only wants him to talk to her....I said yep just another way to try to get into our lives and keep on with these highschool games...If he had anything to say he would have and neither of us believes the story....she ran away crying. He claims this is all her big ploy to cause trouble because she fell so hard for him, she has told other people including him that she was Fixed "tubes clamped" so I am at the point where I believe him and stand by his side, united we stand divided we fall.....we are working hard on us and both doing counselling it is still very hard but day by day we are getting through at least for now, if she comes up with proof then we will contact a lawyer and go from there....for right now we are sleeping in diff rooms, my choice I just need space and time to deal with all of the B.S. I know I shouldnt have talked with her but if you can believe she acually had the audacity to call the shop and make an appt to bring her car in for repairs, unbeknownst to us, then showed up!!! so I took the opportunity and then we threw her out together!!!!!!!! woooohooo!!!! anyhow thanks for listening and ill keep you all posted.....

Hi Angel
Hang in there you and H

Well you followed your heart.
Honestly, I don't think she's pregnant. The part she only wants to deal with your husband! (NOT)

Let it be known she has to talk to either, both of you, or just you, but not him alone! (NOT)

It will get better you have a H that wants to make it better that makes a big difference.

thanks malc... we are hanging in there, our counsellor told us to remain strong together, so we are, she is still driving by the shop and trying to play games, you know I really have to say this im not so much angry like I was before, now I truly see how pathetic and pitiful she is... and I kinda feel sorry for her mabey on some level she feels used and thrown away, figured a guy going through a 2 week separation was the answer to her prayers??? hmmmmm small towns filled with single mothers all looking for someone to save them (at least in this town anyhow I cant speak for everywhere else) so far so good, its still very hard but god willing we will put this behind us once and for all. I truly am holding the belief that she isnt pregnant, and this was all done with harmfull intentions on her part , again how sad for her to have to sink to that kind of level just to get a man?? go figure (no offense to the male members) so I am doing what my counsellor has told me to do I am evicting her from my mind, she has taken up residence in my head, free of charge for way too long....time to let it go and move on, so I am, and like I said before if she does come up with proof then and only then will we deal with it....together...:)once again thank you everyone for listening and all your kind and generouse words...they have been a lifesaver in the face of utter pain.....keep ya posted....