Is there any other way that I can communicate with each of you in order to obtain the support I so need?

Thanks,
Noplacelikehome

yes you can email me if you wish,

Feel free to do so any time, But let me explain something to you.

I have been told over and over that this is not the place for me, and in some ways that is true, but I have learned so much, I have learned to be more accepting of om and his wife with my child, I have learned that we dont have to agree to recieve support. I actually recieve support froma couple of betrayed spouses who have also taght me alot. while we dont always agree with each other, we have learned to communicate and try and help by listening.

AS you can see we all get emotional at times, but it passes and some of us try to have an understanding about what we are talking about.
Your emotions are so raw right now,, and i know how difficult it is for you, But it gets easier.

I get angry on here and sometimes furious, but you know what after you sleep on it, you have to remember what is said, may be said to upset you, but it is the only way some are able to vent and take their anger out, and to some bs's we represent what happened to them.

My goal in comming here was to have a better relationship with my husband, which I work on daily, and to understand the bs better, so when I have to relate with om's wife, I try harder to be understanding of where they come from, unfortunately , most on here do not have contact or much of it, so I was not able to have someone who had the same experience as I am having, so most do not understand.

I think you should stay, you are a ws and you want to make your marriage better.. I have practiced many of the principles on this site and think they do a world of good, try them for a while and see what you think.

<small>[ November 21, 2002, 08:54 PM: Message edited by: mom of five ]</small>

Thank you, MO5.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Noplacelikehome:
<strong>Is there any other way that I can communicate with each of you in order to obtain the support I so need?

Thanks,
Noplacelikehome</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Do you have M05's email address? If so, she has mine and will forward it to you. If not, we can get creative. I've actually been thinking along the same lines NPLH and would like to get in touch with you.

CM

Not to jump in on your thread, but you alll could e-mail and ask if you could create your own board on this forum that is supportive for your unique "other side" of things...that is how this particular board came to be...a bunch of BS's with Oc's requested and this board was created.

I don't see the harm in y'all asking for your own board. It's true that there are some things that we, as a board here, cannot support nor understand where you are coming from, as you all cannot see where we come from at times.

Perhaps as your board grows (should it be granted) the BS's that "lurk" may learn something from your perspective.

Just a suggestion, and I hope that y'all have a great Thanksgiving...if you wish, share some recipes, please?

Hugs,
Twiisty

I think thats silly, there is no reason we cant all learn from each other and better our marriages, we are no different, were all people, who have a different experience of the same type of situation.
I have learned from some bs's on here, I would bet there are a couple of people who have learned a few things from me, whether lurking or posting.

WE all have to know there are different ways of handling this and doing things and what works for one may not work for another.. But it might. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Just calling Twiisty's pretty great idea "silly" is a perfect example of why this isn't working for anyone and why your own board would be an excellent idea.

And for your information, when you say "we are no different", you couldn't be more wrong.

its only silly because you dont want a ws on the marriage builder site, I got news for you they are all over catnip, but you do have the right to not respond. what difference would it make, are you saying if we went on another site you wouldnt not be offended and feel the need to say your thoughts there as well.
I doubt that, lets just agree not to agree, and move on.
sorry your having a hard time, but I am not here to harm you .

By the way twisty I know you mean well, by your suggestion, but I really see know reason all people can not be supportive, and try and understand both sides and that goes for both sides.

Thanksgiving isnt far and I have so many things to cook, I dont know where to start been shopping all week, and planning all the pies and such. have 45 people comming, and daughters daddy will come get gher wed for me and keep her till thursday morning so I can bake, just have to make him one pie in return.
But it is worth it, hard to cook all day and night with a toddler who loves to help.

MO5,
What catnip is trying to say is that as a BS we have days that the anger overwhelms us.
If I am having one of those days and come on this site and say ...
That f*cking sl*t and her [censored] child are trying to ruin my life, you and CM and the rest of the OWs hanging around here will be all over my butt.
But the fact of the matter is some days I NEED to be able to say that. And what I don't need is a bunch of self rightous OW telling me what a bad person I am for having those kind of feelings.

jtigger

I am not a Self rightous OW, I am a wayard spouse who happended to have a child out side my marriage and doing my damndest to make things right for me, for my husband, for my children, and yes for om and his wife.
That doesnt make me self rightous, it makes me human.
IF I come here and scream about om and some of the stupid crap he and his wife do, every one does the same thing, Om IS no different than me, we are both guilty, we both have a child, but for some odd reason I am not entittled to feel the same things as he might feel. Or your husband might feel. I said might, because I dont pretend to know what any ones husband feels, Just mine.

so your suggesting I should leave the site, and go else where because my opinions differ from yours...I cant imagine you have had to hold much back from what I have seen on here so far. I havent seen alot of holding back.

what I don't need is a bunch of self rightous OW telling me what a bad person I am for having those kind of feelings.

Then why do the same and tell me I am a bad person for trying to make a relationship for my daughter so I can bring less turmoil in her life, just because I am different... I dont think you or any one else on here is bad, I just can see more sides thats all.

<small>[ November 24, 2002, 11:06 AM: Message edited by: mom of five ]</small>

I also dont question any ones motive of NC. I actually find it hard to believe that a woman whos husband had a baby with someone else, would find it tremendously difficult to love that child and want to be in that childs life. Is it possible sure, but I can see why you would not.. I dont argue with that. I still have days where I wonder if om's wife really loves my daughter and it is a struggle at times to make sure, Because I also know she is doing alot of the things she does because om expects her to, so I worry... not about them and I want to know nothing about them in their personall life, Just when it concerns my daughter. That is to protect her and yes my marriage...

I do have a hard time with a man fathering a child and walking away, how ever, If that is the kind of man he is, I wouldnt want him any way. But I can also see why there would be varying degrees of thoughts on this, I owuld certainly guess a man who had a one night stand or weekend fling would feel nothing for that child or the mother.. and from that stand point, I need to work on, I am looking at things from a different perspective, I spent years with this man, and would have been amazed if he didnt come out of the wood work as soon as he saw I had the baby.
Not because I am evil and want to hurt him, But because I know him , and knew what he would feel.

I also knew my husband would want to be included.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by mom of five:
<strong>its only silly because you dont want a ws on the marriage builder site, I got news for you they are all over catnip

=^^= Again you don't know what you are talking about...I adore Ohbratti, BTDT and a few others, too. Joshmom from GB gets it. I do not have a problem there. As for them being all over, I know that...in my fantasy, we would be password protected after passing a litmus test, but that's the czarina in me and totally unrealistic...but I can dream.

what difference would it make, are you saying if we went on another site you wouldnt not be offended and feel the need to say your thoughts there as well.

=^^= You don't understand because you are relatively new and don't remember what it was like before OW's became so bold and combative...it was such a relief to find a place where we could say anything we wanted without fear of retaliation, disrespectful judgments, self righteous scoldings, etc...it was nice. Real nice. A warm, tight knit group of compassionate, sensitive and helpful people. The comraderie was sublime and I miss it. We spent a hell of a lot more time helping others in need than fighting with the likes of the OW who are currently here challenging everyone at every turn, demanding equal time on a site that is primarily held by a majority of BS's. Where I come from majority rules, plain and simple.

I doubt that, lets just agree not to agree, and move on.
sorry your having a hard time, but I am not here to harm you .

=^^= OK. I appreciate that.

</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">

<small>[ November 24, 2002, 12:11 PM: Message edited by: catnip ]</small>

Catnip wrote,

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> ...it was such a relief to find a place where we could say anything we wanted without fear of retaliation, disrespectful judgments, self righteous scoldings, etc...it was nice. Real nice. A warm, tight knit group of compassionate, sensitive and helpful people. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Funny, but that's what I'm looking for, too. But frankly, I don't feel that I can come here and speak my mind without that very thing happening.

Any time I've posted I've tried to be clear that this is my situation and isn't a blanket statement for others. I'm sorry that in the process of me sharing my experience others have been offended. Nothing has been ever directed at anyone in particular. But reading replies from some of you calling me delusional, or questioning if you're on an acid trip after reading my thoughts is just plain mean and I didn't come here for that. I feel bad enough about what happened in my marriage without feeling I have to apologize with each and every post just to get support and/or advice.

For whatever its worth, I don't intend to leave MB because I really do agree with the concepts and like that everything is Bible-based, but the combat and name-calling I can definitely do without.

CM, I'll get your e-mail address from MO5.

Noplacelikehome

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Jtigger:
<strong>MO5,
What catnip is trying to say is that as a BS we have days that the anger overwhelms us.
If I am having one of those days and come on this site and say ...
That f*cking sl*t and her [censored] child are trying to ruin my life, you and CM and the rest of the OWs hanging around here will be all over my butt.
But the fact of the matter is some days I NEED to be able to say that. And what I don't need is a bunch of self rightous OW telling me what a bad person I am for having those kind of feelings.

jtigger</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">X-ow's jtigger, X-ow's! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> lol!

I promise I won't be all over those types of vents anymore. I now understand fully from whence they come! SEE! My mind has been opened!!!!! No more mental block or brain freeze due to semantics!

And Noplacelikehome don't you dare quit posting! Don't you dare leave!

However, jtigger the above types of angry vents are seemingly more understood from BS to BS and not BS to xOW, you know? Kind of like when OW or even x-OW post things about bitter or resentful BS's who hate OCs on "BS-to-BS vent" types of threads where the BS is seeking support because they are all alone in their circumstances with no way to resolve their hurt and anger and sadness. It's out of place and misconstrued and unwelcomed and rejected for xOW to "drive-by" with cutting remarks... Does that make sense?

When people are trying to get MB support for recovery (not encouragement to continue their deception and affairs), then I believe that's exactly what we should give here... support!

<small>[ November 26, 2002, 07:08 AM: Message edited by: BINthereDUNthat ]</small>

Thank you, BTDT...

[QUOTE]Originally posted by Jtigger:
[QB]MO5,
What catnip is trying to say is that as a BS we have days that the anger overwhelms us.
If I am having one of those days and come on this site and say ...
That f*cking sl*t and her [censored] child are trying to ruin my life, you and CM and the rest of the OWs hanging around here will be all over my butt.

If an WS/ex-OW came here and felt she needed to vent about the rat @astard 2 faced MM and his stupid, enabling BS playing games in court, would that not set you and the rest of the herd off? Same difference. Lets be real and get out of dreamland when it comes to what is respectful and what is not. When we can do that, we'll get back on track very peacefully.

Of course, I don't feel that way today, but if I did, I wouldn't come here and say it. I'd share it in a private email. That makes sense to me.

cm

"...Set you and the rest of the herd off"?

I'm really glad you aren't purposely being disrespectful to anybody <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

-cd

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by CMiranda:
<strong>enabling BS playing games in court, would that not set you and the rest of the herd off? Same difference. Lets be real and get out of dreamland when it comes to what is respectful and what is not.
</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Then let us not fall prey to HYPOCRACY and let the respectfulness begin with you. The disrespect began with you and should end with you. Happy Thanksgiving....