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Ladies.. Ladies…
What has happened to us?
There are facts that are not disputable.
The top 10:
1. WS made mistake. Whether they are male or female.
2. The mistake brought much pain to all involved.
3. The BS didn’t ask for this to happen to them.
4. The WS is responsible for their choice to make that mistake.
5. The OP is responsible for their choice to make that mistake, as well.
6. Existing children from both sides, be they the OP’s children or stepchildren, the WS/BS children or stepchildren are all hurt by the mistake… be it emotionally, financially or otherwise.
7. The BS is hurt and is trying to heal.
8. The WS is hurt and trying to heal
9. The OP is ALSO hurt and trying to heal.
10. And quite possibly, when an OC grows up they, too, will be in pain because of the choice. No matter if there is Contact or No Contact, it is possible.
No matter what we all feel about the OP, BS or the WS, the mistake of an Affair brings pain to all involved or even indirectly touched by the affair.
Extended families are sometimes alienated because of disagreeing with the choices of how to deal with the aftermath.
Nevertheless, There are tons of people hurting because of 2 people making a choice.
Pain is pain. No matter how you slice it.
These points are universal in all situations.
They may manifest in many ways, but this basic truth still is there:
The mistake has been made. The pain has been inflicted.
Now, How to deal with it?
Each of us deals with our situation, differently.
Mo5’s daughter has both MO5's H and bio-father.
CM’s son knows only her H as his father.
Catnip and Bipolar Bear don’t have contact with the OC.
Twiisty and Mr T. have no contact with OC & exOW.
Tigger4jt and Sailorman are raising Abbi without the OM…
OhBratti1 is raising Jonas …
Bintheredunthat has raised her son and has a wonderful marriage…
The list goes on and on…
The fact that seems to be forgotten is that we are all in the process of HEALING.
We all need that freedom to do so.
We are all at different stages of healing…
Some new to the pain…
Some still recovering from the first few months of knowing…
And some.. .yes some… that have deep seeded pain that is still festering even after however many, or not so many, years it has been…
And then there are those that have come out of the pain… BETTER.
But, it is that fact that we must remember… we are all hurt.
And healing.
Lets get back to helping to heal… not berating each other because of differences in POV.
<small>[ November 26, 2002, 12:50 PM: Message edited by: Stacia_Lee ]</small>
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Stacia Lee, I'm gonna try to help only.
Help and encourage when I can.
Love
Debi
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Well said! I don't give advise yet and I like what you had to say. We(I)are still in pain and I need to know that I will survive.
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This bears repeating.
^^^^Bump^^^^^
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Catnip....WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN? I know I've missed you!!!!
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Thanks, Angelia...I have missed all of you, too. I've been on hiatus and I am doing really wonderfully and I am very, very happy. But, one of the reasons I left was that it is hard for me to play nice with OW's declaring their intent to conceive regardless of whom it hurts as evident on one of the current threads, knowing that they have not yet held "discovery" in their own households, living and perpetuating a lie and overall completely anti-MB principles yet coming here mouthing off and dispensing their own brand of rationalizations and endless excuses...so hugely hypocritical and bogus. And having the ultimate crust of doing it here of all places and we all let them!
So, I have been working on my book (about one third completed) and spending all my time with Bipolar Bear and our family and our friends. Life seems so normal until I "take back" the garbage and ruminate over the events of 1998. I've become adept at looking at all of it analytically but I know working on this book keeps the pain somewhat alive and fresh. It isn't anything I can't put up with given Bipolar's incredible support and devotion.
I am eager to catch up on you and the others and will go back over the threads over the weekend. I hope your recovery is progressing well.
Catnip =^^=
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Hi Cat </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> one of the reasons I left was that it is hard for me to play nice with OW's declaring their intent to conceive regardless of whom it hurts as evident on one of the current threads, knowing that they have not yet held "discovery" in their own households, living and perpetuating a lie and overall completely anti-MB principles yet coming here mouthing off and dispensing their own brand of rationalizations and endless excuses...so hugely hypocritical and bogus. And having the ultimate crust of doing it here of all places and we all let them! </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">You know I agree with you 100% well I'm doing something I've sent e-mails because I'm really sick of this I really am.
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Please correct me if I am wrong, but where did anyone say they conceived on purpose? We were saying that bc fails. I would imagine if someone wanted to plan a pregnancy, they would not be using bc..?
I am wondering now that I've read this thread if this is why the arguing ensued? A misconstrued comment?
If you are refering to what I wrote about om knowing I wanted to have children with him, that was not meant to explain why I actually did become pregnant. Those discussions took place on the occasions where he and I had discussed divorce and building a life together. Hopefully any confusion that may have been caused is cleared up. That comment was not made with the rational being plot to get pregnant, if that is the comment you are refering to.
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Again, I reiterate what I was trying to say in the original post so long ago (Nov 2002).
It is time that we leave snide remarks behind.
And taking things so personally...
Each of our situations are different... and we all have different veiws...
The Facts stated above are still CLEAR AS CRYSTAL.
And it seems latest FACT is that there isn't enough healing going on, but much to much attacking and hurting each other.
I am not completely surprised that my initial Subject has been ignored.. but this thread was not intended to bring hurt, but help and healing.
Come now, ladies...
Look at what has happened here...
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Great original thread Staci! I agree that you can't dispute what the A's cause to ALL other's involved and fighting and picking apart posts, reading different meanings into them is not helping in the healing for anyone! I think it bears repeating:
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">There are facts that are not disputable.
The top 10:
1. WS made mistake. Whether they are male or female.
2. The mistake brought much pain to all involved.
3. The BS didn’t ask for this to happen to them.
4. The WS is responsible for their choice to make that mistake.
5. The OP is responsible for their choice to make that mistake, as well.
6. Existing children from both sides, be they the OP’s children or stepchildren, the WS/BS children or stepchildren are all hurt by the mistake… be it emotionally, financially or otherwise.
7. The BS is hurt and is trying to heal.
8. The WS is hurt and trying to heal
9. The OP is ALSO hurt and trying to heal.
10. And quite possibly, when an OC grows up they, too, will be in pain because of the choice. No matter if there is Contact or No Contact, it is possible.
No matter what we all feel about the OP, BS or the WS, the mistake of an Affair brings pain to all involved or even indirectly touched by the affair.
Extended families are sometimes alienated because of disagreeing with the choices of how to deal with the aftermath.
Nevertheless, There are tons of people hurting because of 2 people making a choice.
Pain is pain. No matter how you slice it.
These points are universal in all situations.
They may manifest in many ways, but this basic truth still is there:
The mistake has been made. The pain has been inflicted.
Now, How to deal with it?
Each of us deals with our situation, differently.
Mo5’s daughter has both MO5's H and bio-father.
CM’s son knows only her H as his father.
Catnip and Bipolar Bear don’t have contact with the OC.
Twiisty and Mr T. have no contact with OC & exOW.
Tigger4jt and Sailorman are raising Abbi without the OM…
OhBratti1 is raising Jonas …
Bintheredunthat has raised her son and has a wonderful marriage…
The list goes on and on…
The fact that seems to be forgotten is that we are all in the process of HEALING.
We all need that freedom to do so.
We are all at different stages of healing…
Some new to the pain…
Some still recovering from the first few months of knowing…
And some.. .yes some… that have deep seeded pain that is still festering even after however many, or not so many, years it has been…
And then there are those that have come out of the pain… BETTER.
But, it is that fact that we must remember… we are all hurt.
And healing.
Lets get back to helping to heal… not berating each other because of differences in POV.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">
Tigger
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given the nature of the posts recently, it's a wonder that we still have new people posting. if i had seen those types of accusations and comments when i first came to the board, there's no way i would've posted! we all have hurt and anger we're trying to deal with, but let's try not to project our feelings for our own ow, ws, or bs onto each other. every situation is unique and, as was said before, we're all hurting in some way.
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stacia,,,, i am now dealing with the pain of being called a lady <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> . pops
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pops,
Color me embarassed... I guess it should have read Ladies and Gentlemen...
(((pops)))
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^^^bumpity bump^^^ Somethings really do bear repeating. This oldie but goodie is one of them. Thanks Stacia! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
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thank you for bumping this up
it was worthwhile reading for me
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