Yesterday I had a major breakthrough. I finally confided in my parents. I do feel some relief in that there are no more hidden issues.

They are aware that WS is going to file for divorce.
Tina

<small>[ December 08, 2002, 09:06 PM: Message edited by: Tina71 ]</small>

I'm glad that you did finally tell your family. I bet it is a relief to get that off your chest and I believe it's good for you, you have more added to your support system.

It isn't easy no matter what you decide to do. I know that however this ends up, you will be able to hold your head high and say to yourself and everyone else, "I did the best I could and I can leave with my head held high because I gave it my all!"

Only you know what your feelings are and what you are capable and not capable of doing.

I know I'm here for you, whatever you decide. I know from reading your posts you are getting a little bit stronger day by day and I bet you don't even realize it. I know one day you might decide "to hades with it" yourself. Or one day your H will wake up and smell the cappucino!

However it works out, I know you are doing your best. We are always here for you. No matter what.

Hugs and love to you,
Twiisty

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Tina71:
<strong>I said no, don't want a divorce, and yes still love WS.

He said the basically stall, and start over with a Plan A.

He told me to be nice, available for dates, no fighting or disrespectful judgements, continue to do family funtions with him. Don't question him about his activities(that will be a hard one). And see where it gets me.

=^^= Re-entering Plan A is an excellent plan for people who desperately want their marriages to work and need to give it one more shot before giving up. And it might just work. I hope with all my heart it does work, Tina. I am proud of you and how strong you have become recently. I know how difficult this is for you, but your renewed commitment is impressive.

He figures that the OW has been and will be putting on the pressure big time. And maybe she will come off as the screaming meme (mom's old expression)

=^^= This is true. It happens all the time. The WH sees BS as calm, sweet, loving and sympathetic and an oasis in the midst of turmoil. They see the BS in a whole new light of appreciation and end up looking at the OW as what she is...

So now back to plan A. I almost have a new freedom feeling.

=^^= Good! It is because YOU made a decision and whatever the outcome, you know you have done everything in YOUR power to make things right.

But then I have not heard back from WS after emailing him about my confusion about the filing, and telling him about what my brother said about trying again to make this marriage work.

=^^= You might not hear anything from him for a while. He needs to digest this new information. He might be glad....now he knows that no matter what, you would take him back...that the past is not so insurmountable as he thought. He probably had resigned himself to spending his geriatric years chasing toddlers and fending off a snarling OW's complaints and chronic dissatisfaction. Now he has to shift gears and think about stuff. Let it go for a couple days...and be calm and understanding when you do hear from him...no questions, no pushing...just set an attractive you and an attractive home and an attractive lifestyle in front of him and it wouldn't hurt to decorate your house for the holidays (which I know you've been sitting staring at boxes of lights and ornaments on the floor for days)

I know lots of you are shaking your heads in disbelief, saying "what is she getting herself into?"

=^^= No way, Tina. I believe in staying the course until the last dog is hung. If this is what will give you peace, then do it. It might work, it might not...the outcome may just be all you have been hoping for, or what it should be. At this point, it is all in God's hands anyway. Do all you can and then let God do the rest. Be patient and pray for strength and guidance.

</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Love,

Catnip =^^=

Thanks for your support Twiisy, and Catnip.
Tina

<small>[ December 08, 2002, 09:07 PM: Message edited by: Tina71 ]</small>

Tina you've come this far so why not try again?

You have fortitude and that is necessary with your re-newed plan A.

It is your life, Tina so go for it. What else do you have to lose?

As for walking on eggshells...if H re-commits to the marriage that won't be an issue any longer. He will become a better man and be more open to listening to what you feel.

Patience is a virtue. Bless you T.
love
Debi (Praying for you still) I pray for all of us here whenever I think of us which is a lot! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

<small>[ December 08, 2002, 09:13 PM: Message edited by: Tina71 ]</small>

Yes, you don't want to come across as the screaming meme! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> Leave that up to the OW to love bust her way right out of your WS's life. You can Plan A YOUR way right back in. You know best, of all people what your WS's top emotional needs are and if you have any doubts about that, it's not too late to get a clue! I support you, regardless. I think you will find out that your family's support & unconditional love will give you the strength to face whatever! I wish you all the best!

Tina,your Husband can file for separation, it doesn't mean divorce is around the corner. Let him do what he wants. I think you need your own legal counsel related to alimony if you have supported H all these years by raising kids, etc. You deserve that. Ask for separation supp0ort-- are you getting that?

plan A if you want, but plan A smartly. Keep legal counsel and prepare yourself. Be smart, please.

Good LUck

I have asked WS since he plans on filing to please wait until the holidays are over.

I was hoping that the postponement might even help us a little work on our relationship.

tina

<small>[ December 08, 2002, 09:12 PM: Message edited by: Tina71 ]</small>

Tina, I am so sorry upon hearing this.

But I will tell you why your H is doing this.Because he is selfish, as mine is. Because he wants OW and doesn't care who he hurts.Because maybe, he realizes the damage he has done to you and his kids with you, and doesn't know how to go back to that.
I know you gave him your all-- but now you need to focus on you. Stop begging him, get support for you, use your brother to get legal counsel, and get on with it.

As for me, I now don't trust my H either, and I really don't want him. His lies have destroyed my love for him, and he no longer is the man I want in my life with my kids. I really don't care if the OW gets him. He isn't worth the ground I walk on.

You need to use your anger toward H at supporting yourself, not begging him. do it.