I'm having such a bad week I've been crying all the time and I feel like I'm back to square one again. I do everything that was told to me go to doctors and get on meds, go see IC, ask question, no LBing but I still am very sad and heartbroken. My husband has been doing and saying all the right things but I pretty sure he wants to stop talking about it. So don't I but I still get really weepy when the demons come and invade my mind. I wake up at night and can't shut my mind off. I don't know what upsets me more his A or the OC. I did ask who she looked like and when he said him and how beautiful she was I want to die but I knew don't ask the question if you don't want the answer. I could tell he cares for her but when I ask him how he is doing he just says I try not to think about her. I know he is hurting inside I know my H. He maintain a relationship with her for a 1 1/2 not the OW but the OC. he would take her to the park or just walk with her. The image of this hurts more then I know how to handle. I'm crying right know just thinking of it. He went to the hospital after she was born and when I ask why he went he said he thought it was the right thing to do. My thought is you've been married to me for 22 years and you did the right thing for this OW who you barely know but you didn't didn't tell me at all. Why? I get a shrug of the shoulders. So know he can just stop seeing her just like that. When I ask he says we have to do this to rebuild our marriage, it will be hard but thats what I have to do. I know he is right but how do I get past all of this. No one in my family or his knows anything about this.I can only talk to my IC or H, I bought the book After the Affair and H was all worried the someone would see it and ask questions. I told him I was not leaving it in the open but I could tell he was still conserned. Pissed me off! I said nothing to him and just let it go. I'm just sad, angry and miserable. Thanks for letting me vent.

Hi I haven't been at this long enough to give you any decent advice....I'm sure one of the more experienced ladies here can help with your feels - I'm sure they will tell you it's all normal and part of the process. They probably will have many many words of wisdom.

I pray for all of us daily - in some fashion - I ask God to give us all strength. We do not deserve to be here.

Hugs to you.

lj1122, I feel for you.

My H went to H to see oc the day after birth too. Asked why? H wanted to see what oc looked like. That was even before dna,so I know you're at an awful place right now.

I am glad you are in counseling. As far as the book goes, at least read it yourself and eventually your H will catch up to where you need him to be.

It will give you some insight to what was going on with both of you before and now.

You two must enter into some type of POJA. It will help you feel safer and bring you two closer. Your H may not listen at first.

He's had time. Time to adjust, and time is what you need now. It's a long painful process but I feel maybe you two can work things out now that it's in the open.

I'll pray for you.
love
Debi