If I have typos excuse me, I'm typing through a contusion above my left eye.

Just when you think things are good, you finally get a grip on your emotions, the envelope with ex-ow's handwriting to my husband shows up in our Post Office box (well...at least she respected our NC letter and mailed to the P.O. Box)

In it were photocopied receipts for medical billing for her darling little child who had otitis media----ear infection.

Well, she never once in two years asked us for medical money....no biggie...we are ordered to pay 66% of whatever she paid and reimburse her.

What pisses me off is seeing the OC's name printed on the stuff....OC plus Twiity's last name on it. It cuts like a knife deeper in my soul than anything. I know I have to accept that fact that the ex-ow gave the child our last name without our permission. I know that for the next 15 years there will be medical bills etc. etc...

I'm tired. This extra bill on top of all the other bills we have been swamped with. I hate ex-ow. I hate my H right now. I hate the fact that OC exists. (Not the OC herself, just the circumstances of her coming to being.)

I lost it. I stewed, I stewed, I vented to some dear ones here in chat...I stewed some more and then I lost it. I jumped on Mr."T"'s [censored]---all the old feelings, the anger, the hurt, the betrayal everything.

I've had to take some of dinobon's zoloft because I'm out of my script. Cant' find the bottle and my moods, plus the hormones are making me feel really insecure right now. Mr."T" is not a big help....his lovely response is,"It happened four years ago...get over it..."

WRONG RESPONSE!!!!

Of course the argument escalates....name calling...he called me a something that I normally call the ex-ow and I retorted at least I don't go around sleeping and impregnating them like he did.

I threw out the ultimate insult at him (at least to him and his father this is one) that with all the intellect the "F" family (F being the first letter of our last name) it never ceases to amaze me that they pride themselves on intellect yet lack the most basic of common sense. He lost it, broke another one of our kitchen chairs and almost hit me and said "If you weren't holding Bubba right now, I'd beat you" and I said "If you beat me you are going to jail. I will call the police. I will not be threatened."

He hauled off and slapped me with all his weight in his hand and my glasses flew off, my hearing aid flew off and I was knocked against a wall...stunned. I will not tolerate this.

Then he said, "go ahead, call the police, file for divorce and I'll lose my job. You won't get any money out of me if you call the police".

I told him that it didn't matter if he lost his job...the courts don't care, they will make him get a job and pay out the [censored] anyway. I also told him that the state will float me and then go after him for the money when he gets the job. (Being married, the state will go after him if it came to that...they did it to my ex-husband. Just because we were married and he abandoned me, he owed the State of Texas over $10,000)

In the past when Mr."T" threatened to leave, I would get scared and beg him to stop and talk. This time I helped him get his clothes out. I told him I'd crawl in the attic and get the *%*$*$#$&&*(&*^%@## suitcase for him.

He never struck me before. He is not the abusive type, but I'll be damned if he does that again and in front of my children. "wild bill" used to do that when he was raging in his bi-polar madness....I'm not going through that again.

I'm not an abused wife. I decided to hold off calling the police because we are both stressed out about finances. I hate throwing his "mistake" in his face. I'm hurting and I'm tired of catering to ex-ow and her illegitimate spawn. I'm tired of trying to play nice for Mr."T" when I really want to take a bat and beat his head in for doing this to me, our family, our children and yes, for that "innocent" oc.

I called our MC and she will call me tonight at 10:00p.m. she's with clients until then. I will tell her everything.

I hate my husband right now. I love him to death. It is the most miserable feeling and thing in the world to love and hate someone as deep as that. Betrayal sucks. I'm supposed to be the "love of his life"....what a sh*tty way to treat your "true love"...."hey, let's cheat on wifey...I'm selfish...I want to scratch my itch...."

I've been having a problem with his three night stand lately. I understand if it was one time, things happen fast etc. (doesn't excuse the act) but he can't control himself for a second or third time or shoo her away like an annoying fly?
He ends it after severe wracking guilt. Two months later she calls with the "good news"..."we're pregnant".

I have to admit, I do enjoy my petty torments with the ex-ow. I keep writing her full name, first, middle and new married last name.

She goes by first, maiden name, then married name.

This time, I guess she got tired of my writing her middle name...she very pointedly crossed out her middle name and put her maiden name there...

Touched a nerve, did I? *evil cackle*.

I feel sorry for my husband, as Catnip is fond of saying about her H being married to "snarky her". I feel sorry for Mr."T" being married to snarky me. When I get going, I can be guilty of rubbing the dog dirt in his nose like he was a bad little puppy....at least with a puppy you can get those electrical collars and shock them or kick them...(and I'm not an animal abuser...don't get me wrong...trying to have some sort of humor here.)

Recovery is tough. I guess for a while it will be three steps forward and two or one backwards...I look forward to the day when it all evens out.

If Mr."T" and I survive to that day without killing each other.

The funny part is, we are fine if it weren't for this three night stand. All our problems, anger and arguments ever in our marriage stem from that. The marriage counselor noted that too.

Ah well...I'm gonna have a green goose-egg above my eye...geeze...what do I tell people? I'll tell them the truth. My husband slapped me.

Now the hearing aid is broken more and my glasses are bent and my son is traumatized and crying his head off...he just now sobbed himself to sleep.

How could 15 minutes of pleasure cause so much pain for a lifetime...and the emotional scars too?
I keep saying I hope Mr. "T" pays for it for the rest of his life and I know he is.

I hate this. I never asked for this. I hope ex-ow is having her share of problems with her life...she deserves it too.

My husband never struck me before like that. I'm stunned......

I have to go to the bathroom outside in our shed...we have no toilets in the house...I dont' know what else to do. I'm exhausted.

Thanks for listening. People who lurk here who are in the middle of an affair, I say beware...the pain is incredible. The consequences last a lifetime. I'm not sure if I can survive 15 more years of this until OC is 18.

Twiisty <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

Twiisty,

I am so sorry to hear about tonight.
Please take care of yourself. Praying for a better day tomorrow. I hope your MC was able to give you some guidence and support tonight.

I sent you an email.

Tina

<small>[ December 04, 2002, 11:14 PM: Message edited by: Tina71 ]</small>

PRAYERS for you!

Angelia

Twisty, I am worried about your safety,if not your own, your unborn child's . Are you not pregnant?

I suggest you ask H to leave tonight so both of you can come down. Do not assume this is a one time thing. He is stressed and did this to you-even in a vulnerable state. Don't assume his level of control is good.

Are you sure takng Zoloft will be o.k while pregnant?

What do you mean,t here are no toilets in your home? What is going on?

If you can't pay your bills on other things, OW will have to wait as well. Tough.

Hang in there- I well understand your thoughts about OW and your darling H. I have had similar ones myself.

Twiisty,

You have always been one of the BS's on this site that gave me inspiration that this situation can be overcome. I admire your ability to try. Try to forgive, try to carry on peacefully, and try to accept. None of those things are an easy accomplishment. I can fully understand your anger. I am sorry that the outcome of it has caused such turmoil with your husband and the peace within your home.
Your hormones have got to be raging right now. Your husband is obviously stressed out and defensive. Please be careful.

Dear Twiisty,

I wrote a long thoughtful post this morning and lost it when I went to send it, so I am trying again.

Considering the tough financial spot that you and your H are in, I can't say I am surprised that you blew a cork over the OC. I have been in your situation and understand all too well the acute pain that sometimes accompanies seeing the OC's name when it is your own last name.

But when you are struggling so much and you see so much money going to the OC which you desperately need for your kids, it is difficult not to become upset. The raging hormones don't make it any easier.

My H slapped me once, under almost the same circumstances as your incident. I had cornered him for the umpteenth time about how his stupidity and weakness had caused our family so much suffering and pain. I baited him, and pushed him, and insulted him, until he finally reacted. Then, when he struck me, I was outraged and told him to leave. He did leave, thankfully only for a few hours, to give both of us time to settle down.

This situation that we are in changes our thinking in so many ways. I always saw the world in clear black and white, right and wrong. Now I understand that life forces you sometimes to see gray. We are not perfect. We don't make perfect choices and sometimes our choices have consequences for others.

I used to think that if my H cheated I would be out of the marriage so fast he wouldn't remember what I looked like (I am still here) I also thought that if my H ever hit me I would have him arrested and leave him (I did neither) And I always thought I should listen to the advice of family and friends (I now listen to my own heart and mind).

And that's what I would say to do, Twiisty. Listen to your own heart and mind. No one should stay with a serial abuser. But that is not your H. You love the man and he loves you, but everyone has a breaking point. My H hit me once, and he has never done it again. We talked about it after it happened and now our communication has improved to the point where I hope we won't get into that situation again. Talk it through when everyone is calm, so that he understands that is not the way to deal with a problem. I sure he is sorry about the whole incident.

My H told me that he felt like a criminal being tried over and over again for the same crime. Even a felon does his time and is released to become part of society again. But, I would never let him forget his crime and there was no punishment that he could suffer that would even the score. After careful thinking, I knew he was right.

When I agreed to work my marriage out, that meant that I accepted the fact that the OC existed and that my H was financially responsible for her. As hard as that is, it was no fair of me to continue throwing it in his face or we would never recover.

Add to all of this drama, your financial woes and you probably have a pretty frustrated H as well. He may not show it, but it must hurt him Twiisty not to be able to provide for his family the way he has been taught that a man should. Men don't communicate easily sometimes, and they compartmentalize so well. But, I am sure that on a deeper level he is frustrated and embarrassed that his wife has to use a shed for a toilet because he can't afford to have the plumbing fixed.

And, believe me he knows that is directly attributable to his three nights of weakness.

It was deja vu when you said your H's answer was "it's been four years, get over it". My H has many twin brothers on this Board, Mr. T. must be one! My H would say similar things and I would go through the roof! Through learning to communicate, I was able to explain to him that when I got depressed and frustrated he could easily diffuse the whole mood by being positive.

Now, I tell him that I am feeling insecure and need to hear how he feels about me. When I say that he tells me how sorry he is for the past, but glad that we have made a better present and future -- and how much he loves me. The mood disappears and I find that strength to cope again. You can do it, Twiisty. You fell down, but you can get back up and keep on going.

I am praying so hard for you and your family. God always answers, I am so sure of that. I have been the recipient of His miracles and I know that He will make one for you.

These things happen. Don't dwell on it too much. Better days are ahead. Take good care of you and baby Twiisty.

love,
heavenly

<small>[ December 06, 2002, 03:16 PM: Message edited by: heavenlybody26 ]</small>