{{{{{}}}}}
I think you are a classy lady.
Can I trade you in on my H's xOW. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

jtigger

Awwwwwww thanks. I wish I could trade, too! Too bad we can't see into the future when we get ourselves into these situations. ...sigh.... (and that goes for EVERYONE)

Yeah, you are all right, Joshmom.

I don't give hugs, but I do give credit where credit is due. We do appreciate your fair outlook on the big picture....and enjoy your posts. You are very balanced.

Catnip =^^=

<small>[ December 06, 2002, 01:03 PM: Message edited by: catnip ]</small>

LOL Catnip... define "balanced"....
But thank you. I try to be objective, that's all. There was a time when I wasn't objective, and there are times that I would like to strangle xMM (especially when my son cries to me that he'd just like to hug his daddy and tell him that he loves him), but it's just not worth it.

Dear JoshMom,

I haven't had the pleasure of really talking to you, but something you said on the other thread started by Jtigger made me want to make a comment.

My H does not have contact with the OC because her mother (xOW) was not able to handle the fact that H and I were going to stay together and the OC would have to be a part of my life too. H tried contact several times, with disastrous consequences.

My H and I have discussed his relationship with her many times and we both conclude that he behaved in a despicable manner -- not because of the affair, but because he led her to believe so many things that he never meant. In so many ways, she was a victim too, and I am sorry for what my H put her through.

She is now raising a child alone. My H pays support and he pays for plenty of extras -- dance lessons, music lessons, computer, you name it, the child has everything. She has everything but a father.

When my H was having contact, sometimes my heart would break for that little girl who would ask my H what was wrong with her that she was never invited to family gatherings. Because they don't understand so much about human relationships, children tend to internalize and feel that something about them is causing the behaviour they are subjected to.

My H is not a louse (at least not normally <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> ) The explanation for his affair is too long to go into, but suffice to say, he was living out a fantasy life that he always wanted. He never intended to hurt the ex-OW, but he also took her options away from her, the same way he did me, when he led her on and made her believe they had a future together.

I guess my point here is that we are all wounded -- the spouses, the other people, the children. I love your idea of learning about each other's points of view as a way of coping with our lives and getting past the pain we all feel.

I can imagine how you feel when your son asks questions that make you want to wring the ex-MM's neck. I hope that God will provide you with answers that will satisfy him and let him know that what his father is and what he has done has absolutely nothing to do with him.

Good luck raising Josh.
love,
heavenly

Thanks Heavenly. It has taken me a long time(and a good therapist lol)to get to where I am.
I can imagine how you feel when your son asks questions that make you want to wring the ex-MM's neck. I hope that God will provide you with answers that will satisfy him and let him know that what his father is and what he has done has absolutely nothing to do with him.
My heart breaks for my son sometimes, but I just do the best I can. He seems satisfied with the answers I've given him so far, thank God. I'm sure as he gets older they will become more uncomfortable, but I'll deal with them as they come. And when the time is right (e.g. he's old enough) I will point him in xMM's direction and let him ask HIM questions. I can only hope that xMM will be prepared for that day. And yes, I'd give him a heads up first. Not that he deserves it, but everyone else in his family doesn't.

<small>[ December 09, 2002, 02:51 PM: Message edited by: JoshMom ]</small>