In our case it was decided beforehand by Mr."T"...he gave sole care and custody to ex-ow. Then he came home after court and wrote the NC letter detailing how we are handling the medical billing, reimbursements and limited contact through Post Office box. We changed our phone number as well as his beeper number. She was instructed to contact us BOTH in writing via Post Office box. He stressed again no contact and how sorry he was for stepping out of his marriage and how thankful that I was standing by him.
So far, ex-ow has honored the NC letter we sent.
But the difference for us was the fact that Mr."T" signed away his rights to any say in the OC's life....he didn't sign away his rights, he just signed SOLE CARE and CUSTODY over to her. We still have to pay CS unless her new Husband feels he wishes to adopt and then Mr."T" will sign any papers in adoption.
We have a Post Office box because we do not want anything coming to our house. Our house has been designated a peaceful sanctuary for us. (Lately though it's been hectic) and the P.O. Box (to which we both have a key to) is the point of contact no matter what...and it's limited. She is not to call him at work etc.
I also enclosed Mr."T"'s medical history so that should there ever be anything that comes up genetically for OC, Ex-ow will have the medical information she needs to know. We also put down the general heights, weights, etc. of family and the range of when First Menstural started etc. as a courtesy for OC so she will know some general genetic info.
My friends who were adopted told me to include that so that OC will have some knowledge of her genetic make-up. Of course I omitted that her bio-genetic contributor has no common sense! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />
Probably should have written that, but I didn't.
Anyways, we are prepared one day in the future if OC should show up to give her our side of it and the reasons for why we had to do what we did. Whether she accepts it or not or what will happen after that is anyone's guess...but we do have a tentative plan so that we don't have to dwell on it or live in fear of the big "what if's".
We plan to tell all our children when they are old enough to handle the information yet young enough that they aren't surprised about it. Besides, our ex-ow threatened me telling me that she will tell our kids and that sent Mr."T" into orbit. It is our responsibility to tell our own children.
That's how we handled a NC letter with an OC. It is for our situation. As for those who do have contact, I suppose the NC letter would spell out the conditions that you would have limited contact through a spouse and then it would spell out all that you and your Spouse agreed to.
Whatever you decide, it will be what works for your situation. My way isn't the only way, but it works for us. I hope others will come along and add what they did for NC with OC involvement.
Hugs and prayers,
Twiisty
