Hi all, I dont know if you remember me, my husband started us on MB a couple of months ago. After I joined, he quit, go figure. Anyway, I was wondering, does anyone have any advice on how to get through the holidays without totally stressing myself out? H and I have no Christmas spirit, which sucks because my oldest D is 4 and she is really getting into it this year. The OC is not born yet, but even thinking of having to buy OC christmas gifts next year makes my stomach turn. H moved in for a week after D day, then moved back out. Now he stays the night most of the time, but refuses to move back in permanently because he lost his job and his family thinks he only came back to me because i am doing good, hes not. All i care is that my M get back on track and my life back to normal. Why doesnt H understand and comply? Sorry im venting, I am so disgusted with this, if it werent for Christmas I would take my bill money and pay for my dissolution and end this right now.

You can still save your "Christmas money" it's not too late!

I have an idea? Why not teach your daughter about the true spirit of Christmas? The spirit of giving--you can go through her clothes or toys and belongings and you and she can decide what she doesn't fit or use anymore and GIVE it to someone less fortunate?

IF OC turns out to be a girl, and OC is definitely your H's by DNA test, you could share your daughter's things. Nobody says you have to go out and spend your hard-earned money just because it's Christmas.

You don't even need to waste your precious dollars on giftwrap--I just heard the neatest idea, you can use funnies for children, magazine ads for small gifts, different sections of the paper for friends/relatives with certain interests...

There's no need to get caught up in the hype of this season. You are going through so much right now and you can't just snap out of it... Spending unnecessarily will only depress you further.

What if you told your daughter she can choose one thing for Christmas that she really wants, maybe 3 at the most? Don't go into debt for just one day that should be a year-round "spirit"--the spirit of giving... You can give from your heart, you can give your talents, you can make something, you don't have to spend all your money, especially your bill money! Don't even waste time worrying about OC and next Christmas! What if the OC is not even your H's?? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

Besides, you're right, all you want is for your H to come home. That would be the best Christmas present ever--if your H would GIVE himself back to you. I'll be praying for you!

<small>[ December 11, 2002, 08:11 AM: Message edited by: BINthereDUNthat ]</small>

Last Christmas was difficult for Mr."T" and me. I didn't feel like doing anything at all. I had to "fake it until I make it"....I put the tree up late etc.... The kids knew there were some problems, but thanks to my Mother and the other Grandparents, the kids didn't do too much without last Christmas.

Once the tree was up and we watched the lights at night with a cup of tea and Christmas music...it felt a little bit more like "the holiday". Don't be too hard on yourself...you are processing and going through alot.

We have a great dollar store near us called "The Dollar Tree" and they have great gifts for a buck as well as gift wrap and stocking stuffers...you can spend $20 and still make a young childs Christmas.

We always set up the Manger scene first in our house and I tell the Christmas story from that and then the tree etc.

If you don't feel like mixing up cookies, buy pre-made pillsbury dough and sprinkles. The important is being there for your daughter, even though your heart is not in it.

I'll be praying for you...it stinks, but other holidays will and do get better.

Hugs and prayers,
Twiisty

I have to agree that the holidays kinda suck right now....but, as for me, I have been working on myself and my relationship with God. I now know that all people will fail you at one time or another. I wish it weren't true but that's my reality.
As for the spirit.....the spirit of Christmas was never meant to be us at Wal-Mart on the 24th of Christmas racking up tons of credit card debt. Oh, no....I agree with BTDT and Twiisty....make something, buy small stuff from the dollar stores - they often sell name brand stuff too.
LoAm: Worrying about next Christmas and the oc is not healthy -neither physically or mentally. All you can do right now is take one day at a time. Worry will not change the outcome - it will just drive you insane.
If you believe in prayer - pray. If journaling helps you then do that. If you need to post here and rant then do so. These ladies are great. They've all been where you are and they can help you. You have your part to do in the recovery and healing process but there are people here you can lean on in the meantime.
Take the first step - make a decision to enjoy this Christmas no matter what. Life is short and although I know you are in incredible pain (as most of us are) you can do it. Take your daughter as an example and follow her lead. Children have this great ability to love and laugh. They also don't hold grudges for long. (Isn't their world great) I agree with Twiisty...fake it til you make it!!!
I will pray for you too. Take care of yourself!!!!!