Catnip,
Thanks yet again.
It has been over four weeks and she has made no contact so far. Not even a voice mail to him. Maybe he is correct in that she is gone and will not come back. Maybe my email to her enlightened her to how I feel and the things that maybe she didn't know I know and all I can hope is that is so and she is running scared to loose her family and her job, which is why she would never be with my H permanently. He has been wonderful, but my eyes are wide open and my ears also. He is really trying to keep the peace and work on things and I even went so far as to ask him about the OC. I asked how he could turn his back on a child that might possibly be his. He said he asked her repeatedly over the years and she flatly denies it is his. She is positive it is her H's and she doesn't want to discuss it anymore. She is probably afraid that her H would be terribly upset if he found out someone is ?ing that fact. As far as he is concerned it is his child. I'm sure he is curious now also, but that is the fate he will suffer due to his W and her cheating.
I am somewhat happier, but I fade in and out with these feelings and I am sure that is natural. He has tried to assure me that I am the one that he wants to be with and he will do whatever he can to make me realize that, and he knows I will never trust him again (and that I probably would never trust any man again.) He also says he is getting what he deserves as far as my attitude and he understands that, but hopes he can make up for the pain and sorrow he caused and says he feels it would be better to stay together and know what we have together (or had together) than separate and be miserable without each other, as he really does love me.
So I guess for now, I will accept that and move forward. I have begun to forget some of those feelings, maybe not forget, but put them aside when they come in, and am trying to move on through the holidays and hope that next year will be better for all of us involved.
Peace be with you and thank you for all of your prayers and words of encouragement. Things seem to be looking up.

Your story seems to be just like mine, except that it is my W who had the A, so I am the BH. I totally empathize with you, it is extremely difficult to deal with this. It has been almost 5 weeks since i found out that my W had A with my 'best friend'. The shock was overwhelming, yet i kept my composure and really tried to find a way to forgive both of them. I believe that I acheieved this but i know I can't forget, althoug the pain does ease with time. I lost about 18 lbs in 4 weeks, still can't eat and sleep the way im used to. My W says she is totally committed to making our M work, she told me that if she would have wanted something else, she would have leaved long time ago. We did fill out the emotional needs questionnaire, it gave away quite a bit about us, however i beleive that filling this out so soon after the A is in then open, does not give a true result, since we are all in such emotional turmoil, that our feelings and emotions are not reflecting our everyday situations. I did find out that my W feels she was never 'in love' with me, yet she loves me so much that she can't leave me. I am not sure if this is possible, however for now i will coast along this theory, and I will do anything in my power to have her fall in love with me. She says that to her the A was not worth it because she only sees now what pain she caused me, and I did not deserve this. We have 2 boys (5, 3), I am a very committed family guy, affectionate, romantic, thoughtful, yet this is what happens to me. Life is not fair, and the way i see it from every bad there is something good that will come out. Whether that will be a happier marriage for us or going on our separate ways and finding real happinnes, I am not sure. I am hoping for our M to work and be happy, I love her dearly, and sometimes i do feel that i could not go on without her. After 4 weeks, I broke down and cried my eyes out, poured out all my emotions, and ruined 4 weeks worth of emotional improvement for both of us. I learned one thing: IT TAKES TIME, DO NOT FORCE THINGS TO GO FASTER, GIVE IT ENOUGH TIME EVEN IF YOU FEEL IT TAKES LONGER THAN YOU"D LIKE.
I am happy to hear that you re making progress, and wish you all the best. I feel like we are also making progress, but be prepared for the up-down rollercoaster effect of your emotional turmoil. I figured that if you do your crying where they don't ssee you, it helps ease your pain, and does not affect the WS emotional improvement regarding your relationship. Not sure if this is right or wrong, but this is my experience.
Keep the hope alive.
My situation
Me-BH-32
WW-30
A-10 months
Children-2 boys (5, 3)
Out of the woods, still looking for the path to recovery.
Both committed to work things out.
My favourite poem for now:
Where there's life,
There's suffering.
Where there's suffering,
there are always lessons.
Where there are lessons,
there's always growth.
Where there's growth,
there's always hope.
Where there's hope,
there's always strength.
Where there's strength,
there's always love.
Where there's love,
there's always miracles.
Never lose hope!
Many wonderful things await
in the circle of life
that far outweigh the
times of sorrow.
And all sorrow arrives
with many unexpected blessings