I haven't posted in a few months. We're less than a month away from the sort-of-OW's "due date" and I'm a bundle of nerves!

Here's a recap of my story:

H and I separated. H began other relationship. 3 months into relationship, H and I decide to reconcile. 1 week after break-up, she tells him she's pregnant. Supposedly, she's due Jan. '03 and has decided to keep the baby. H asks for proof of pregnancy. She says she will send it, but never does. She continues to call (and leave threatening messages) until I tell her that H and I are not willing to discuss the issue with her until we receive something to prove her claim. She says that we will hear from her attorney after child is born. Haven't heard from her since.

So, we've been waiting. We'll know for sure in January/February, right? WRONG! I've been thinking lately that we could go on for years thinking she was faking the whole time only to have her just pop up on the doorstep one day with a child she claims is my H's!

I'm in agony!

Steph, do you know where she lives or works? Do you think that she really is/was pregnant? It would only take a drive by to see if she's telling the truth. Or is there anyone that you know that knows her? Good luck, I hope that it's not true.

I've have racked my brain trying to think of a way to find out on my own, but to no avail. I moved to another area of the state when H and I separated. He moved here after we decided to reconcile. We have no mutual friends or acquaintances with her. I've only talked to her once. I used to know where she worked, but it is doubtful she still works there as she doesn't have a solid work history.

I've spent the past months going over every detail of every conversation my H or I ever had with her hoping to find some conclusive evidence that she's faking, but I'm just not sure.

Do you still have any good friends in the old area that could drive by, anyone that you trust enough to tell about the situation? Did you know where she lived?

You know what else I thought of, call where she used to work and ask for her, if she's still there just hang up, but if she's GONE, then say you're an old friend and ask if she's had the baby yet? Just a thought.

I told 2 of my friends after I found out, but we haven't spoken about it in some time (kind of a "don't talk about it and maybe it'll go away" thing). I would feel too awkward asking one of them to spy on someone like that. I'll just be in limbo until she decides to let us know that it was just a ploy (doubtful) or H gets served with a paternity suit (praying this doesn't happen, of course).

I told 2 of my friends after I found out, but we haven't spoken about it in some time (kind of a "don't talk about it and maybe it'll go away" thing). I would feel too awkward asking one of them to spy on someone like that. I'll just be in limbo until she decides to let us know that it was just a ploy (doubtful) or H gets served with a paternity suit (praying this doesn't happen, of course).

Well, hopefully it was just a ploy, and she's given up. How long has it been since you've (or your H) heard from her, and does she know where you moved to?

Sorry, I'm a little slow in posting my responses. I don't think calling her at work would work due to the type and size of the facility. I've even thought of hiring a PI, but just can't afford it. I consulted an attorney a few months ago to ask if we could force her to provide proof of her pregnancy and he told me that I should be more worried about the fact that my husband was unfaithful. Can you believe that?!

See, I told you I'm slow! We haven't heard from her since May. Unfortunately, she does know where we live. I gave her my address so she could send the proof she kept telling us she had.

I think that the lawyer was a jerk. Have you tried contacting another one? I know some other people here have some experience, and/or some knowledge of the laws.

I'm scared to call another attorney. I mean, I know we'll have to if she does have a baby, but I just can't handle any of that right now. My best friend just had a baby and I'm really happy for her, but at the same time it was a really big reminder of what could happen any time now. My best friend's due date was actually only 6 days before the one the OW gave us.

OK, like I said before, I've been going over things in my head and today (every day is different) I'm thinking that she has to be telling the truth. Because I just can't conceive of someone lying about something like that and putting someone through this kind of torment. I know that this 'what if' I'm doing is just gonna drive me crazy, so somebody please slap me!

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by stephmac1974:
<strong>I just can't conceive of someone lying about something like that and putting someone through this kind of torment. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Trust me there are people that do exactly that!

This is going to sound really simplistic, but at this point prayer is the only thing that will relieve your anxiety. When I was where you are right now, I would just repeat over and over again, "Lord, please relieve me of this burden. It's too much for me and only You are strong enough to bear it." And I would feel a wave of peacefulness wash over me for a while until I would start obsessing again. Another quick prayer I would repreat over and over again is "Please Lord, don't let it be true". Of course, this was the prayer that wasn't answered the way I wanted it to be answered and the reason why I turned my back on God for over a year after discovery, because I am a brat when I don't get my own way.

Then there are those like Doc's Girl and Zebra baby who ended up with the infamous "Get Out of Jail Free" card with the news that the OW was either lying about being pregnant or lying about the paternity of the child and the DNA results came back in their favor.

If you don't have the money to hire a PI to get the truth and it is driving you crazy, ask God for His will for you and to take away your obsessive worry and give your patience.

I don't know. My obsessive nature caused me to spontaneously get on a plane and fly to the OW's house and get answers, which I did, but it is not something I would recommend unless you have nine lives and can land on your feet. Especially this early in the game.

Sometimes prayers is all you have. But that can be everything becasue God is right there with you and if you let Him, he will comfort you and bring you what you need in good time.

Catnip =^^=

<small>[ December 18, 2002, 09:45 AM: Message edited by: catnip ]</small>

74,

May I suggest that you'll find your relief once you and your H decide what you want to do.
Q 1, if this is true, would he want contact w/ the child?
If it's true, would YOU want him to have contact.
Would you want contact?
Is he willing to pay cs without the courts directing it?
I think once you guys answer these questions for yoruselves, you'll know the best route to take.
If you decide that if what she says is true, then I would send her an 'Intent to get info' letter. I would also include in the letter that if she does not respond within say (30 days) that future claims for child support for the suppossed child will not be retro because she did not handle her reponsibility in notifying the dad, especially when she was given ample opportunity to do so without fear of retribution. ( I would send this return receipt/registred mail ofcourse proving she received it.)
If you decide that no matter what, you don't want contact, I would say send the letter anyway. Either way, you put the burden on her to prove one way or the other what's going on, and you also show the courts that you've attempted to do what's right, she just refuses to cooperate.
Bottom line, turn it around and put the worryation on her!!

My H doesn't want anything to do with her. He is ready to pay child support but doesn't intend to have a relationship with the OC. He says that it was a mistake to get involved with her and that any contact with her would only hurt our family (we have 2 children). While this makes things easier for me, it also makes me feel guilty.

Hello Steph,
I don't post here anymore but when I read your story it hit home. I thought I would share alittle with you. I use to be in the same boat as you. My H had an A with a co-worker that lasted 3 months. He realized that it was big mistake and ended their A. He knew it would kill me if I knew. So he decided not to tell me. Well, 3/31/02 (my dday) she decided to let me know about the A and that she was carrying his child. I was destroyed. My H was here when I read the letter. After I gave him the letter to read, he looked at me and said " it's true". I could not believe it. He had found out in February and didn't know how to tell me. To make a log story short. I made him take me to this girls house. I confronted her, told her pretty much what I thought of the both of them. I asked her several questions and she gave me several answers. Including, that her and my H knew that this was their child and that he knew she had been with no one else. So I said to this girl. You expect me to believe that your sleeping with a married man and no one else. SHe replied, thats right. I told her that she would have a paternity test and she would keeps usup to date on everything throughout her pregnancy. Well we attempted to contact her and she would hang up. We emailed her and she wouldn't emial us back. We didn't hear anything from her until we received a letter in the mail from her attorney. The letter said that my H was the natural father and she wanted all this money and that we were harrassing her. What a crock. We wrote her attorney back and said there will be no money what so ever until paternity is determined and we wanted proof of not only her pregnany but her doctor's name,due date,etc. We heard nothing back from her attorney. Not to long after that. She emailed my H and asked him if we wanted to know the gender of the baby and that if she didn't hear from him, she would know how he felt. Again, what a crock. We didn't hear anything from her or anyone. I was going out of my mind. Like your H my H didn't want anything to do with her. He realized how stupid he had been and was very sorry for hurting me and us the way he did. He didn't want to try and find out anything about her or her pregnancy. So I was trying to get help from anyone that would listen. I couldn't sleep,eat,work, etc. We had no idea if she was lying about the pregnancy or anything. I started doing some PI work on my own. Well she had moved and cut off her phone. So I started digging more and more. Come to find out she had move back in with her H. When my H and her were involved she was separted. Well I knew that she was back with her H but we still didn't know if she was pregnant or not. So I didn't give up. About 2 weeks after I found about her and her H. I saw her and found out she was in fact not only pregnant but looking like she was going to pop. I kept track of her just about everywhere. She had the baby in early October. I begged my H to go to see this child. But by the time he agreed she had already checked out. 2 weeks went by. I was out of my mind. I hated him for not only doing this to me but for letting me sit every day wondering if this little boy was his. One day he came home and said. We will find out no matter what it takes. He called her with me on the other phone. Low and Behold not only was she back with her H, but the little boy was her H child. We cried so hard,held each other,we were laughing and jumping up and down. We received a email from her the next day saying that her due date was wrong and also her calculations. So, what I thought was the worst year of my life turned out to be a new life for me and my H. Don't let this go on and on. It will competely destroy your life. Some people told me just to wait and rebuild my marriage and deal with it when it comes. I didn't listen to them. I couldn't begin to heal until I knew 100%. I have not only forgiven my H. I have also forgiven OW. That is a wonderful feeling.
My dday is coming up in March and I welcome it. Sounds weird (na). It was the 1st day that God gave me my wonderful H.

Don't give up,listen to everyone,read everything you can.Post your feelings, but follow your heart.

God Bless

My husband was honest with me. He told me as soon as he got the voicemail message from her and also told me that it wasn't the first time she had claimed to be pregnant.

About a month before, she took a test because she was convinced she was pregnant but it was negative. I am sure she was trying to get pregnant. He bought condoms, but she said that she was allergic. He asked her about taking the pill, but she said she was allergic. That's what I'm angry about. How could he be so stupid? Especially after the first time she thought she was pregnant! If he had just insisted she find some form of BC, we wouldn't be on pins and needles right now!

He says that they both agreed that neither one of them wanted more children (she already has a child by a previous BF) and that she said if she got pregnant she would "take care of it" (she says she's had an abortion before so I guess that's her preferred method of "BC"). But when he called her back after the voicemail, she said that she was not going to have an abortion. I know that she thought they would get back together when she told him. When she found out that he was getting back together with me, she went ballistic!

So, maybe she was faking and gave up when she talked to me and I confirmed we were back together. Or, maybe she decided to go ahead and have the abortion since things didn't turn out the way she planned. If she really was pregnant and didn't have an abortion, I think she would have given us the proof we asked for and rubbed it in our faces. I mean, when I talked to her on the phone, she said everything she could to hurt me.

Hi step
By the way if she is pregnant, make sure H get's DNA TEST.