I've been married for 1.5 years now, but together for total of 8 yrs. For the entire 1.5 yrs we've been married and 1 yr prior, he has been cheating on me with this 40 yr old woman - who was his ex-best friend's wife. She left her husband for mine. My husband is 29 and I am 30. After tons and tons of stuff we've been through (he loves me, doesn't want a divorce but can't treat "her" like crap either ... blah blah blah) I now find out that she is pregnant with his child!! That selfish, irresponsible woman already has 3 kids of her own, as well as a 4 yr old grandaughter!! I love my husband and wanted so much to work things out - he keeps insisting that he doesn't want a divorce, but refuses to leave her alone - like he has some kind of "duty" to take care of her because she left her husband for him. Well, now he really does - he'll have to take responsibility for this child, so where does that leave me?? He mentioned something about wanting full custody of the child so we can raise it together - but he's such a liar anyway that I don't know if he's telling me the truth or if this is just another story to try to keep me from leaving. I don't know if I'd be able to raise a baby created from his infidelity or not. Not to mention due to her age, there are definitely risks involved - what if there is something wrong with it?? Has anyone had any kind of experience with this??

Hello,
It is very slow here because of the holidays. I am not good with advice, but I will try. There are a lot people like myself in similar situations

I would read all the pricinples here on this site. If your H is truly sincere then you can get through this. But it takes a lot of time. Do you and your H have any childern together?

There is no reason for your H to contact OW until the baby is born. I would insist on paternity testing and not give any money to OW until DNA proves your H is the father.

Try to concentrate on rebuilding your marriage in the mean time.

Hopefully, people will come along and help you out.

Dawn

<small>[ December 26, 2002, 06:54 PM: Message edited by: Dawn71 ]</small>

Welcome,
I am sure others will come for support, But you should know in reality Your husband can not just decide to take this womans baby and raise it with you, it is very doubtful she would go for that and I am sure he knows that as well. In fact if you told her that I would bet she would be in total shock, but not very receptive.. Just be prepared more than likely you would share custody and have visits and you would in turn deal in some ways with ow and child.

If you wouldnt want to be in the childs life if something was wrong with the baby, then you probably dont need to be in the childs life at all.

The baby has a very good chance of being just fine, Om was over 25 years older than I am and My daughter is the most beautiful, smart happy baby around. But we had many scares when I was carrying her.

Do you know for sure she is pregnant, maybe she isnt telling the truth, a few here have had that experience. I think if your here to make your marriage work and if your husband is indeed wanting to make your marriage work,, he needs to leave the ow, that isnt fair to you and you should not have to put up with that.

He isnt needed for pregnancy, many women manage to do it alone and have the support of family and friends, after all she has three kids, she knows what to do..

Unfortunately, I think she is telling the truth about the pregnancy. I feel the same way - he shouldn't have to have any contact with her during the pregnancy, other than perhaps to get the medical updates (which I would agree to.) However, he has spent the last 5 nights with her because "they have things to talk about, and feelings to sort out and I'm being selfish for only thinking about myself when asking him to stay away from her. He can't very well just hurt her feelings of course". I asked him to leave the house. If he needs to figure this out by being with her, then go be with her - but don't put me through any more pain by not coming home to me. Now he refuses to leave, but he's going to keep seeing her???? What did I do to deserve this??? We don't have any children - and it's one thing that totally burns me, b/c I've had an ectopic pregnancy (by him) 4 years ago and now only have 1 fallopian tube, so it was going to be difficult (but not impossible) to get pregnant. He feels terrible b/c he knew that I really wanted a baby, but now, like he says "he can't take it back". How can they be so irresponsible?? She doesn't even have any health insurance and can barely afford anything now, let alone be able to afford a new baby. And this "I don't belive in abortion" thing makes me sick - all of a sudden she seems to get some integrity ...when it didn't bother her to commit adultery. The nerve. And she was supposedly on birth control - please... it's hard enough to get pregnant at 40 let alone be one of the "less than 1%" people who get prenant on the pill. I think it was a trap - unfortunately I'm stuck in the middle. What in the heck am I going to do????