Pop,

We have been really busy during the holidays and I've "lurked" a lil' but no time to get down to the 'nitty gritty' <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> .

Wife and I are still together and still struggling. At times, it seems easier and then there are the "other" times <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> . For the most part, I think we are just floating in limbo because she hasn't decided to end her contact with OM, or run to him.

When I originally decided to forgive her and stay, I gave her 2 ultimatums.

One was: I will leave the marriage and never come back if she ever physically sees OM again.

Two was: I will leave the marriage and never come back if she does not pull the divorce papers that are scheduled to finalize on Jan. 11th.

The reason I say limbo still reigns my life is because she continues to call or email or instant message him, and the divorce papers are still active. She assured me that if anything was to change one way or another, she would sit me down and let me know face to face what has changed, and what her plans are regarding any new change.

The fact that I continue to wait for any decision makes a few things clear to me. She has deeper feelings for Om than I ever could've imagined she or I could have for any other person. The fact that she can have feelings of that nature for another make me question how deep her feelings for me are, and what type of feelings they are, and are these the type of feelings I can accept from a wife? The longer I watch her agonize over her decision, the clearer i become regarding the distance she has put between herself and God. She has explained to me she understands she is following God's will by staying w/me and is following her selfish ways or her heart by going w/him. I know she can, I just hope she will,put forth the massive amount of spiritual work she will have to give to get back the distance she has lost.

My 2 ultimatum's still stand. So to put the update in a nutshell, nothing has changed except Jan. 11th is only 12 days away now instead of 3 months.

I still know beyond a shadow of a doubt that God can and will put our marriage back into a living testimony of his love for his creation. The question I have now is; will Patty let Him?

peace
tim

tuff,,,,, sorry it took so long to respond with the holidays and my d having marital problems i have had little time to read let alone respond.

you my friend are truly a very patient man and i know your w will one day either see how much pain she caused the man she loved or if your m ends she will see what a wonderful man she cast aside.

i admire you for setting your boundaries. i don't view your two requests as ultimatums (sp?). i have said this before that i wish i had set some boundaries with fh and i when our mess was starting and i feel i may have been able to avert the miserably complex situation we are dealing with now. i had no idea of where to turn and did not find this site until after things had gotten out of control.

i am sure you are under a lot of pressure as the 11th nears. i am pulling for you.

thanks for pullin for me pop

ya wanna know whats weird.... i feel very little pressure. in fact, Patty thinks that right now I am the only logical one of the 2 of us....I told her it is because I made my agonizing decision months ago and have had plenty of time to come to a peace with any result. Peace is something that is so precious to me now because it had eluded me for many years previously and it's just like the "sunny days wouldn't hold the same grandeur without the rainy, nasty ones in between" theory. Chaotic nastiness blows and peace rules and thats my story and I'm stickin' to it <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> .

I totally hate to hear about your daughter's marrital problems. I'm pullin for you too pops. My heart goes out to you. You certainly didn't need another marrital "thing" after what you've gone through... right?

peace to you and your whole familly Pops.
tim

sorry pops .... wifes name.... but you probably figured that out huh....lol