Hello! I am new here and I was so impressed with all the info available! So here are my questions, bare with me you have probably heard them before! O.K I have a two almost three year old stepdaughter. From the beggining we have been giving the OW child support, an amount that she determined, we always get reciepts. We never went through the courts, she did not go with her first daughter's father ethier. My H never denied this child, however the othe day this OW BESTFRIEND showed up at our door, to tell me that she had slept with her boyfriend and is now pregnant again she came to me because she (the friend) wanted to let me know that the OW is still sleeping with my H! This was a lie. OW called to tel me she just said that to give her friend some kind of hope that it was not her mans baby, I swear those were her exact words! Anyway while her friend was at my house i asked her if my H was the only man she was sleeping with at the time, she did not hesitate and named a few others. now my H would like to get a paternity test, and we are thinking about going for custody! She is on welfare so i am wondering should we make sure that she is telling them that we are paying support. We can not claim childsupport on our taxes we were told because it is not court ordered. I guess my question is will the fact that we never went throught the courts harm us if we do go for custody. I was also wondering what will happen if the test were to come back negative! I love my SD but the thought of that woman having taken us for over two years of child support when some months we had to struggle(We have two sons)will not sit well with me! She collects more than i make working a month with her baby bonus's and her child support alone!! Sorry I am a little bitter, sometimes it feels like she is getting to much financialy for having now three children all the results of affairs with MM!! So I know I rambled but if anyone could answer my questions or give me advice, I would be very grateful! Oh I am from Alberta, Canada. TTYL

valeria,
I would be happy to try to answer some questions for you. This evening, a family matter came up, and I don't think I will ahve time tonight. I'll try to catch up with you tomorrow, ok.
-cd

valeria,
I am going to have to look and see what I can find on Canadian child support laws. I have never really researched that area before, but I'll see what I can find. If nothing else, I can tell you what would happen in the united states, and you can at least ahve some idea of what may happen. Anyway, my family crisis ended up taking not so long after all, so I will see what I can find out. It may still be tomorrow before I can give you any real answers. Hang in there!
-cd

triple post

<small>[ January 03, 2003, 05:50 PM: Message edited by: cdcollins ]</small>

<small>[ January 03, 2003, 05:51 PM: Message edited by: cdcollins ]</small>

HI VAL, I am from canada so I will try and shed a little bit of light on the situation, keep in mind I am not a lawyer but have been around freinds and almost went through something similar, thank god she was lying!! anyhow, as far as I know if the ow is on welfare and not claiming child support, they need to know!!! her cheques will be adjusted accordingly, but keep in mind by doing this your H will be on record as the father, you see if she is not claiming child support she may have told welfare she doesnt know who the father is which is my guess, because if she did claim who the father is she would have to tell them he is paying support otherwise if she did not they would go after him on behalf of the child, by a program called family maintenance enforcement, who would determine the child support based on your H income. So in other words it is a catch 22 you may be rocking the boat against yourself just yet. as far as paternity is concerned you can have a paternity test done., where in Canada are you?? there are several places to have them done, although they do cost, but it may be worth the cost for peace of mind. At least you would know if your H is the father and if so then the support is justified. As for custody?? why?? is she an unfit parent??, a custody battle will be expensive, and drawn out and the only person who will be really hurt is the child, unless of course the child is in danger by her already and keep in mind you will have to prove that she is incapable of providing a safe, quality environment, be carefull not to bite off more than you can chew custody cases can get very ugly. If the paternity tests do come back negative and your H isnt the father I would suggest contacting a lawyer I am not sure if you can sue her for repayment, but considering she is on welfare would you ever see a dime back anyhow?? best of luck to you and your H hope ive been a little helpful again I am not a lawyer just someone with alot of freinds going through similar situations!!!! take care

Hi Honeybee! Thanks for taking the time to write me. My H's name is on the birth certifacate, he did not have doubts at first. I know my opinion on the OW may be jaded but no I do not think she is a fit parent. She is constantly leaving them with babysitters so that she can go out, we have had her baby sitters call us to come get his daughter, and her other daughter because she has not come home. When her friend showed up at my house she had me read a letter that OW had written to her BF in it she said she was not sure of her dates because on this particular night she was drunk, and the other time she slept with him she was "So stoned" her words. there is also a letter she had written my H (i kept it) in which she just sounds crazy!! I love my stepdaughter i just want what is best for her that is why we never went for custody in the begining. Thanks again for listening and the info. I almost forgot I am from Albeta.TTYL

OOPS!! I mean Alberta

Hi val, if your husbands name is on the birth certificate than he will be held accountable in the eyes of the law as financially responsible unless paternity can be proved differently, therefore I would get a test done like I said before if nothing else for peace of mind. As for the custody issue, document everything, keep a daily journal as to all of her activities with interest to your sd, include everything pertinent and keep any and all corresspondence it does go far in proving her unfit, but again keep in mind there is no guarantee full custody would be awarded to you and your H, ive seen cases where the mother is a crack head junky hooker and she did not lose custody permanantly all she had to do was clean her self and her act up and the children were returned!!!(sad but true). with respect to the child support being paid now if you dont mind me asking how much do you pay?? the reason I ask is that now support is determined by a formula based soley on income, it doesnt matter what other financial obligations he has what determines the amount is stricktly income, so you may get hit with a larger amount than the one you already are paying!!!! be carefull!!! my ex gives me $300.00 per month all agreed between us we never went to court either and ive never asked for more, however his income would warrant him paying me @$550.00 if the court intervened and used their formulas!!! if your in alberta I would contact a lawyer just for a consultation most are free I am in B.C. and there are differences betweeen the provinces. A paternity test can be done through your family doctor, at least here it can or they should be able to direct you to where and who does it, medical wont cover it and costs can be upward of $500.00 or more depending. again alberta may be different than B.C. with that regard talk to your doctor. Stay well!!!!

Valeria,

I just had to pop in here.

I'm one of those women who, with my H paid CS for 1.5 years, only to find out after DNA that the OC was not my H's.

Run, don't walk to the nearest independant clinic (or get a mail order kit) and have an DNA test.

No one but you and your H have to know. You can use the mail order kit and use fake names. What ever it takes.

You need to know that this child is his. How would you feel after 18 years of paying $ to only find out it was in vain.

After getting the results then you can make choices on how to proceed.

Good luck and hoping you get a "get out of jail free" card,
Z.