I just found out that my h has a one night stand as he put it. I just found out that he has a c with this ow, and the c is 3 years old. I am so hurt, and I just cannot stop crying. we have 4 children. h states he does not want to be in the oc life, but i think the ow wants him to.

I also found out that she has a cs order on him, and i think because he was in denied and did not want me to find he just was waiting for the courts to take it out. This problem is also creating a financial hardship on our marriage.

We have been married for 22 years. I am so hurt, and need someone to talk to. I need so advice.

h states that he loves me and is very sorry for the big mistake that he has done. I just don't know what to do. I am having a very hard time.

help

Awwww Sweetie,

Hang tight, someone will be around soon I am sure to help you.

The weekends tend to be a bit slow sometimes. The ladies here are wonderful, wonderful, strong women.

I wish I knew what to say, I am not in this position so I am afraid I can't help you with the feelings aspect of this.

I just wanted you to know that someone heard you and the rest of these fine ladies will be coming along to give you all the help you need very soon.

Melissa

I Have been there! My H also has a oc she is almost 3! First know that you are the victim here,and of course you"re kids. You go ahead and cry you are entittled, but if you start to feel like you are going to fall completly apart remember you're kids. Be strong for them, this helped me anyway my son was 4 months old when i found out that he was havving a affair, and that she was 9 months pregnant!! I will not get into the whole story with you(it is a long one) but i just want to let you know that you are not alone!! If you feel like talking, venting or anything i will listen. valeria

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by mshermi:
<strong>Awwww Sweetie,

Hang tight, someone will be around soon I am sure to help you.

The weekends tend to be a bit slow sometimes. The ladies here are wonderful, wonderful, strong women.

I wish I knew what to say, I am not in this position so I am afraid I can't help you with the feelings aspect of this.

I just wanted you to know that someone heard you and the rest of these fine ladies will be coming along to give you all the help you need very soon.

Melissa</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">This is my first time using this web site, so I don't know if you will receive this reply or if I did it right. Thanks for the reply it hurts so bad, but I am trying to hang in there.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Valeria_Rod:
<strong>I Have been there! My H also has a oc she is almost 3! First know that you are the victim here,and of course you"re kids. You go ahead and cry you are entittled, but if you start to feel like you are going to fall completly apart remember you're kids. Be strong for them, this helped me anyway my son was 4 months old when i found out that he was havving a affair, and that she was 9 months pregnant!! I will not get into the whole story with you(it is a long one) but i just want to let you know that you are not alone!! If you feel like talking, venting or anything i will listen. valeria</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">This is my first time at this web site, so I hope this reply is right and you get it. I just feel so bad about this. I know that they both was wrong, but I feel that the ow knew what she was during. She did not tell him until she was about three months and she said she wanted a baby and would never abort it. I feel that he should have told me up front about this. Maybe then we could have seem an lawyer, because I know she will hold this over his head for the rest of his life. I just don't know how we will be able to make it with all of this support starting to come out of his check.

He tells me that I must be strong, but when I ask him how and why he gets upset (or feel very bad) and tells me that I must get pass this, because we will never make it through this.

There is just so much hurt. I am off this church this morning. I will check back later. Let me know if this is the right way to reply to the feedbacks that I get.

Because I need all the help that I can receive. I am sitting her writing you and just can't stop crying.

I am venting so much about me. I am sorry about your problem also.

Thanks

HEllo,

Sorry to say welcome! I feel for you right now. What you are feeling is normal. This is the right place to vent. Most every one is dealing with an A and a OC. I found out when I was 3 1/2 months pregnant that my H had an A and OW was due 2 months after me.

Please take care of yourself. I would encourage you to read the priciples on this site because it will help you.

Question for you do you know if there was an DNA test done? Since OC is 3 was your H giving OW money? Hopefully, your H requested DNA done.
There are have a couple of people here that thought OC was their husbands and it turned out OW was lying.

So, go ahead and cry and vent the people here understand.

Dawn

<small>[ January 05, 2003, 11:11 AM: Message edited by: Dawn71 ]</small>

I'm no help to you but I wanted you to know that I feel your pain and I'm so sorry that you're going through this. My H of 17 years just had a baby by a co worker on the 17th of dec 2002. With God on your side you can handle anything. May God Bless you.

D

Hi sorry you are here , has your H had a DNA test
please, click on address below and read, this will also be helpful to you and H.Also read the basic principals H has to stop all contact immediately with OW get counsel from Steve the founder of this site.Steve suggest Nocontact with OW and OC please read get your H to read the information here on these site also if he's willing to save your marriage.

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/cgi-bin/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic;f=35;t=003388

I wish I could give you a big hug! Please don't apolagize for grieving, again you are entitled. I totally get what you mean about wishing H had told you from the begining. My H did not even tell me a friend of mine had found out, and she told me! I swear i read you're post and it is like I am reading about myself. My H also would get mad and say we just need to get past this, they don't seem to relize that they have already had 3 years to deal with this, it is all new for you! He also needs to relize that he needs to deal with you're hurt, and anger! My H told me that the affair had started surprise the month she had gotten pregnant! it took me more than 2 years to figure out the whole truth, because he was too selfish to relize that every time i would discover a new lie it would bring all the pain back again. In the end i came to discover that the affair went on for 2 years, and it was a relationship(although barely) not just sex! So please do not be afraid to ask for answers, I know he said it was the result af a one night stand, but you need to follow you're instincts if you feel that it was more, it probably was. Counseling really helped me out, my H refused at first so I went myself, it helped me get the strength i needed to demand that if he wanted to save our marriage, he would have to go to counselling! Keep me posted if you need to talk I will listen! Valeria

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Dawn71:
<strong>HEllo,

Sorry to say welcome! I feel for you right now. What you are feeling is normal. This is the right place to vent. Most every one is dealing with an A and a OC. I found out when I was 3 1/2 months pregnant that my H had an A and OW was due 2 months after me.

Please take care of yourself. I would encourage you to read the priciples on this site because it will help you.

Question for you do you know if there was an DNA test done? Since OC is 3 was your H giving OW money? Hopefully, your H requested DNA done.
There are have a couple of people here that thought OC was their husbands and it turned out OW was lying.

So, go ahead and cry and vent the people here understand.

Dawn</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">H said that he told the genetic testing in May of 2001 and the results was 99.something. He states it was done twice with the same results. I am also finding out that the ow did not take a blood test, just him and the oc. The test was done at the court house. I ask him to show me the papers, but he said when he received them he was so hurt and afraid that he tear them up. I have asked him to go to the courts and get another copy. He states he did sign papers once the result came back that he was the father.

I don't know if I am in denial or what but I just don't feel that this is his child. Could the courts made a mistake.

I don't know if I should ask for another test through another company. I spoke to one lawyer andd he told me that he could not go just on my feeling and that if the courts said the genetic testing came back 99. something that he is the father, and even if I did redo it, it would cost about 5,000.00 and I don't have that type of money.

What do you think? I just feel like I am about this lose my mind. I just don't trust the ow. H states he has not seem her since the testing in 2001. This back cs and current cs that he has to pay will really hurt us.

He wants to ask the ow to erase the back cs and close the court case, and he would mail the payments to her directly. Will this be a mistake?
I just have some many questions, and no answer.

What should I do?

IDMHVM,

O.k. Sorry I am confused..
Where do you live? I know in most places they require that the mother, father, and child tested. I would definetly asked for a copy of the DNA test results. Asked your H why OW was not tested? In most cases it is harder to get over 99% that your H is the father without the OW being tested. Something is not added up here. I would definetly asked OW if you can get another DNA test done. I know it will only cost between $200-$600. You can get home kit over the internet and you can collect the samples yourself.

I would asked the court for a copy of the results and show your lawyer and see what he thinks.

Why did it take the court so longer to serve your H if the test was done back in 2001? It would seem to me that it would not take so longer for a court date.

I guess for what your said something sounds fishy.

Dawn

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Dawn71:
<strong>IDMHVM,

O.k. Sorry I am confused..
Where do you live? I know in most places they require that the mother, father, and child tested. I would definetly asked for a copy of the DNA test results. Asked your H why OW was not tested? In most cases it is harder to get over 99% that your H is the father without the OW being tested. Something is not added up here. I would definetly asked OW if you can get another DNA test done. I know it will only cost between $200-$600. You can get home kit over the internet and you can collect the samples yourself.

I would asked the court for a copy of the results and show your lawyer and see what he thinks.

Why did it take the court so longer to serve your H if the test was done back in 2001? It would seem to me that it would not take so longer for a court date.

I guess for what your said something sounds fishy.

Dawn</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">we live in michigan. h took the genetic testing in 5/01, the courts were supposed to take the cs out of his wages, but never did. I founded this out three days before xmas (some gift) that he did not pay any cs, and that he owes thousands of dollars. I just happen to have gotten the mail first on that day.

He states the test results was 99.9, but ow did not take test. I asked h to go to the courts, and let me see the test results. I would like another test done, but I don't know if the ow will do it. I don't even know who she is. I just don't feel right about this at all.

I just went back to work today, because of the holiday days. I was ok as long as I was busy, but you know what happen when things got slow.

I am so angry with h that he has put our family in this big mess. We have a c that is in college, and I don't know if I will be able to keep her there.

All this mess for a two minute thrill.(I am sorry for talking like that, I just hurt so bad). He states he has only seem oc during the testing in 5/01. He states that the ow want him to be in the child life, but he said no. I just don't trust this person. I feel she knows what I look like, but I don't know what she looks like. I am so afraid that she might just come to my house, what will I do then.

I just hate that I am in this mess. I am sorry for going on and on, but I just need someone to talk to, and give me a little advise.

I never would have thought that this would happen to me. I don't even want my family or in-laws to ever found out about this. Am I wrong? I do not want to even see this child.

I pray all the time for God to please help me make it.

I hope you will continue to talk to me. I am so sick of crying all the time.

Thanks again

IDMHVM
What you are feeling is not wrong but normal. I understand what you feeling about OW. I finally saw OW and I am glad because thinking is she OW every time I went out. Though, I was kind of depressed because I saw her after a month after she had OC and she looked like she never had a baby. She was very skinny, but at least I stopped worrying about if that person was OW or not.

Well, I would call the child support agency near you and ask if they take a sample of the mother too. I am here in Wisconsin and I know they do. If in your case they did not take her sample I am sure you might have a case. Asked your H to get a copy of the DNA results. 99.9% is hard to get without the mother's sample too.
I know that your H can appeal the results. If OW was there to give OC sample why did they not take hers too? It is more accurate with the mother's DNA.

Funny it took them all this while to figure out that OW has not receive any CS. I would think she would be doing something about it.

you do not have to be sorry about venting here. We understand here. This is all new to you and you are devasted. I understand your anger because I am still angry at me H for all this too.So, there is already a court order for CS in place from 2001 and your H just never paid her?

Hang in there, it takes time to heal and it only been a couple of weeks.

None of my family knows too.

Dawn

IDMHVM,
I'm so.... sorry that you are here also but sad to say you are not alone. Your story hit many triggers with me. The pain is so bad and I wish I had words to make it go away. My h also had a short lived affair that produced a oc. When I found out oc was 1 1/2 years old and my h was having visitation and paying support. I was (am) devestated! I had to go on anti-depressants (still am) and see an IC. They have helped me live day to day but it's no miracle. I still cry and feel so angry. Everyone says time is what I need so I go and live my life waiting for time to heal. My husband is very remorseful and is doing everything to make us whole again. The ow was never a factor no love loss for either of them. But there is the oc and we have decided on no contact, I can't handle it right now or ever. I have no advise but to say you are not alone and read everything you can. I also haven't told anyone but my doctor and theripist, my children do not know. I have one in college and one just graduating high school ready to go to college. I can't tell them or anyone! I guess this is our skelaton in the closet how sad. Keep posting we will be here for you.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Dawn71:
<strong>IDMHVM
What you are feeling is not wrong but normal. I understand what you feeling about OW. I finally saw OW and I am glad because thinking is she OW every time I went out. Though, I was kind of depressed because I saw her after a month after she had OC and she looked like she never had a baby. She was very skinny, but at least I stopped worrying about if that person was OW or not.

Well, I would call the child support agency near you and ask if they take a sample of the mother too. I am here in Wisconsin and I know they do. If in your case they did not take her sample I am sure you might have a case. Asked your H to get a copy of the DNA results. 99.9% is hard to get without the mother's sample too.
I know that your H can appeal the results. If OW was there to give OC sample why did they not take hers too? It is more accurate with the mother's DNA.

Funny it took them all this while to figure out that OW has not receive any CS. I would think she would be doing something about it.

you do not have to be sorry about venting here. We understand here. This is all new to you and you are devasted. I understand your anger because I am still angry at me H for all this too.So, there is already a court order for CS in place from 2001 and your H just never paid her?

Hang in there, it takes time to heal and it only been a couple of weeks.

None of my family knows too.

Dawn</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Yes, there is a court order and he just did not pay the money. He states that he just assume that they would take it out. Well, the will start and also take out past cs. I just don't know how we will be able to keep up our household expenses with are of this money going to the ow.

I still find it odd that she never contacted him or the courts about the money. He just received the past support letter a couple weeks ago. What do you think about that.

I told h that I want to see the genetic testing papers. He states he throw it away, so I have to wait until is goes do to the courts to get a copy. He feels because it states 99.9% that the child is his. I told him that all three needs to be tested. I just feel like I am missing something.

A lawyer told me it would be 5,000.00 to get the case reopen since he signed the paper stating he is the father, he did that once the test result came back. I probably need to find a good lawyer, but don't know where to look. Do you have any ideas? Do you think it would really cost that much? You know we don't have that kind of money.

I just need the test to be redone, but I don't think the ow will let him do it. What do you think?

I really could not function at work today thinking about all of this mess. I am so upset with him that I just don't want to look at him. He feels that we need to make love and to get closer together. What is wrong with him? My world is turned upside down, and he feels making love will help me forget. I don't think so, am I wrong for feeling this way.

He keeps saying that he loves me and don't want to lose me, because he is so upset that he made this stupid mistake.

I also fault her to. I think she knew that the marriage was good and she wanted to mess it up.I don't think it was all him push those buttons. He was just too stupid to say no. I still do love him, but I am hurt and very upset with him.

He told me that he wanted to see if she would erase the past cs, close the case and he pay her directly. He does not make to be in the oc life. I know it is not the oc fault, but I don't want that kid in my life at all, because it would be just to hard.

I am sorry if I am repeating my self, but I still just can not think right. Will the pain leave just a little? I just do did feel like myself.

I tell my best friend (who is like my sister) everything, but I will never be able to tell her about this. She thinks I have the most wonderful husband. I thought so to.

Hello,
Well, since he signed the paper he is the father. Then it is going to be hard to fight. Since OW is so sure he is the father, I would not think OW would object to another paternity test. I mean you can do it privately. I really don't know if they would just close the CS case now.

Dawn