From what Ive been reading on the post I seem to be on the other side of the fence. Most of the post are from a betrayed W view. Mine is that my W has had a one night stand and the results are a pregnancy. We had had a duplicate situation 12 yrs ago except that paternaty was questionable. Thru time we got though it and I have no regrets. We have talked about doing a paternal test just to find out for sure. OM involved was killed 3 months after their encounter in an auto accident. He was aware of pregnancy but knew W and I were going to work things out.
This time however there is know doubt that pregnancy is not from me. Relationship had started growing distant between us due to work schedules we had, taking to much for granted on both our parts. OM involved wants nothing to do with situation as it was as he told her "Just a night out at the bar". I am deeply hurt by this as its like all over again. W and I have decided to seperate and agree on this. She wants nothing from me other that what s needed to take care of our two kids. We have had long discussions on what brought us to this point and realize where and why we drifted apart. She sees nothing as being an option other than going our own ways. From conversations weve had most seems to be baseded on guilt and that I deserve better. For myself my head says I am crazy to even consider trying to get thru accepting this and trying to work it out but my heart does not want to give up. We talk more openly than ever at this point. I'm just confused When I see my son and what we got thru before it was worth it. But 2 times is hard to handle.Dont know if anybody else has been here on this but any insight would help.Thanks

lost62,
Yes, there are men on this site in similar situation. Hopefully, they will come along and help you out.

Do you want to work on your marriage? I suggest reading the principles on this site. I am not good with advice but wanted to let you know you are not alone.

Dawn

Thanks Dawn71, I'm sure I'm not the first one in this situation. We are conversing and going about daily things better if anything than before except that there is a wall up between the two of us. I have not been told who the OM was but from her want to keep it quite even with her doctor I have an inclination it is someone we both know. I will not push or question what she has told me as at this point it does not matter. If we were to try and get thru this it probably would. I am torn between wanting to make it work and not. I look at my son from the previous incident and although it was hard at first have no regrets. This issue also we have agreed to get DNA test done to put to rest question. In my mind nothing for me will change with my relationship with my son or her. Just an answer.

Lost62,
I am going to bump this up for you. Hopefully, you get more response. It sounds like you are doing o.k. considering everything.

Dawn

Thanks Dawn71, Things seemed to be somewhat better as we were spending time talking last few days , games with the kids at night and hanging around the house. As soon as discusions went toward maybe we can get thru this she locked up and said that she considers us strickly friends at this point and it has been that way for awhile and feels that will never be more than that. Almost as though she is pushing away but wants the security of me being there when she needs Me. When she said that I felt as though I'm just a convience to her now and thats it. I cannot be her friend if this comes apart. Even if things were not going well she made the decision for both of us to make it worse.She seems to have justified things in her mind that what has happens is what just the way it is after all were only friends. I dont need those kind of friends..

Do you think that she has had these "one nighters" only twice? Or are these just the 2 times she was careless enough to not use protection and it happened to be on the right time of the month and she got "trapped" into admitting it to you by the positive on the pregnancy test? What things are you doing currently to decide whether or not you can trust her? Have you prayed about it? Have you looked at what your life would be like in the future,(based on the past, which is your only guide map) with her? And what about this; have you ever really took a hard look at what your life would be like without her? Have you ever "dumped" anyone before marrying her?

just pondering your situation and these are my initial responses.

peace
tim

sorry, forgot to ask this last one..... how far will you take this if nothing changes relationally and what, if anything, will cause you to pull the plug?

peace
tim

I've asked myself and same things. Felling is that probably not only twice. She insist it was but trust issues and as I think back over time and now If she was not in this situation I probably would have not known of her actions. My gut tells me she only spoke up because she had to. Have dumped someone prior to our marriage infact last one was for her when we met. Trust is the hardest. She cannot be honest with herself on things and has always tried to cruise through things avoiding conflict or a commitment. Life at this point with her would be difficult to rebuild repair but I believe could be done. Told her this weekend that my interest were stil there but she would have to asure me that she was commited to trying to reconcile. In the event that there was no comitment on her part which at this point all she has responded is that she cannot do that right now and feels that does not know if she ever could. In my mind based on what we have been through tells me that there probably not much to work with and that it is time to move on. Have done much praying for and am looking at things believing that things happen for a reason and maybe this is Gods way of getting me to admit to myself that its just not meant to be.