Butterfly,

You said </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Taking me back to the OM. I can't believe what I put this man through. No wonder he hates me. I can only pray that God can work in both of us now as individuals and if it's ever in His plan to heal us together. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">You really don't appreciate the worst of it. The worse news is that your H very likely DOESN'T hate you. It would be easier on him and even you if he did. The sad but true fact is he very likely loves you very much, or at least the you he thought he married. It seems that the real issue many BS's have is reconcilling (sp) their previous image of their spouse with the FACTS of what happened during the affair. There is a part of him that wants to love you and a part that absolutely FEARS the person you became. So he is torn and that hurts.

I suspect he has needed to get away from this to try and find his place in this. Get his balance, heal, and see if he can deal with what has happened. As the people here can attest, you have done a lot of damage to his image of you, but worse his image of himself. I suspect he doesn't even know what he can or cannot do at this point.

So hang in there, keep learning. You are asking more of him than you can imagine, but as people like K have shown, there very likely is more in him than even he knows. Do the best you can and maybe he will discover what he needs to discover to give this a chance.

God Bless,

JL