I'm realizing more and more every day that H plans on being a part of OC life one way or another weather I like it or not. It seems like he'll go to any lengths to decieve me and every time he tries the deception smacks me in the face. Today I found were H was hiding $$$ from me. I think he planned on giving it to W without my knowledge. I truly feel like a fool for believing that we can actually deal with this matter and save our marriage. Heck the truth of the matter is I'm married to a sick sex addict.
I'm beginning to wonder if I really want to deal with this situation. Lord knows I've tried just about everything short of dying and nothing has changed. Now I'm thinking maybe its best that I just cut my losses, lose my house, file banruptcy, divorce and just start my life over again. Yes I know I can get child support, alimony, at least 1/2 his pension, but knowing the real deal I'll still end up losing most of what it took over half of my life to build. God knows I can't see the forest for the trees. H claims he's not leaving hi family for another. But come Feb when the OW returns to work I know its going to get uglyer.

I just need honest advice, support and the ability to vent. God I wish there was something could do legally against those who ripped my family's heart out.

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Married 17 years
2 daughters ages 14 & 18
H = sex addict
H OW is co worker had baby boy Dec 17 2002

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Posts: 31 | Registered: Aug 2002 | IP: Logged |

angelia
Member
Member # 22977

posted January 05, 2003 02:14 PM
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Robbed: I am probably not in any position lately to give advice.....

But, breathe deep, talk to God, pray, pray some more, read, talk to a counselor,VENT here often and as needed. The women on this board are incredible.

Addiction is a destructive thing in and of itself.

Have you tried a co-dependency group? They also have Sex Addicts Anonymous listed in either your phone book or your local newspaper where groups like that are listed. You can join those groups because the addiction affects you!

Are you a Christian? Do you have a pastor/counselor? Do you work - they might have an EAP program you could start counseling with.

I am sorry for your situation. I know the pain of having years of lies dumped on you one day. It's horrible!

I don't know when you found out but don't make any RASH life-altering decisions just yet. Give it some time. The counselor I just started seeing said for me not to make any decisions about divorce, separation or anything for at least a minimum of 6 months. I am sure you just about choked....but six months is probably not EVEN enough time to sort out your feelings.

Your world just turned upside down. We're in it with ya! All of us on this board are in a very similar situation. For the most part, we all hate it too!!!! Just know that the folks here will listen to you vent, you can throw an idea out there and they WILL respond, many of these women are years ahead of us in recovery.

Robbed: Just one day at a time.....

Hugs to you!!!!!

Angelia

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D-day and paternity suit all in one day: Friday, 11/15/02
Learning to live with past choices..
The choice for forgiveness has been made.
The forgiveness journey is in full swing.

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Posts: 206 | Registered: Oct 2002 | IP: Logged |

robbed
Member
Member # 22013

posted January 09, 2003 10:13 PM
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Have you tried a co-dependency group? They also have Sex Addicts Anonymous listed in either your phone book or your local newspaper where groups like that are listed. You can join those groups because the addiction affects you!

Are you a Christian? Do you have a pastor/counselor? Do you work - they might have an EAP program you could start counseling with.

I've tried CODA just to lazy to get to meetings because I get home from work so late. H was advised to go to Sex and love addicts anonymous but is afraid to go. I was told that SLAA does not have any sessions for the wives and children of the addicts.

Yes I'm a Christian but have not spoken to a pastor. I try hard to lean on my faith in hopes that I grow stronger by going through these experiences. I have been in counseling for the past 6 months with my H until this past Monday. H decided not to go anymore said its a waist of time and $. I've done all I know to do and all I want now is peace. I'm beginning to feel that H is going to have to figure this ALL out for himself. In the mean time I'm looking forward to healing.

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Married 17 years
2 daughters ages 14 & 18
H = sex addict
H OW is co worker had baby boy Dec 17 2002

<small>[ January 10, 2003, 10:10 PM: Message edited by: mshermi ]</small>

Thank you so much Ms. I can use as much help as possible. Although I know I'm not alone here I feel as though no one knows what I'm going through emotionally. A part of me has died. The situations I've suffered in my life with this situaion on top is truly unbelievable. I know my life story would be a great four hour lifetime movie.

Dont give up hope that is what the OW wants. I am battling the same thing but, what makes me different from everyone else is this is husbands first child we have none together. I am basket case at times but, other times I am as strong as can be. I believe God will work this out for us and for you as well. H and I are in MC and he did slip up back when he first told me about child let her convince him to meet at Walmart to see baby. And he did after we both agreed no contact until we handle it legally. After that slip up he has vowed and as far as I know he has not done it again. But you know what I cant worry about that because if he does it will come out and that is it for us. She text messages him and says you are deadbeat and you are missing out on this and that and that lets me know he has had no contact. Also the holidays as always were spent here with me and my two teenagers born before I met him. I pray for you as I pray for us and hope you make it through it. Take it one day at a time and if your religion allows build a spiritual relationship with God if you do not already have one. Watch how you prosper and your faith get you through this I am a witness I feel good about our future and I know we will make it through this storm. If not God has someone better for me who will be worthy of what I have to offer.