ok I'm new here and VERY happy I found this board. I can't tell you how happy I am to find a place where other people are going through the same thing. Recovering from an A is hard on it's own but when there is another child involved, it a different ball game. I'm not here to judge or bash other people for what they do, EVERY situation is different. Here is my situation as brief as I can make it and I would like some advice. I've been married for 4 years. 5 months after getting married my H had an affair with a co-worker in the bathroom at work. Nothing romantic or sweet just sexual. He called it off after a few times and she said that she loved him and wanted to continue the A. He still ended it. He had 2 one night stands with other women about 6 months after it ended. Then H and the co-worker had sex one more time (again in the bathroom) and she got pregnant. He told her he didn't want the baby and to get an abortion or give it up for adoption but she couldn't do it and said that she didn't want anything from him but she was going to keep the baby. I got pregnant (NOT knowing what HE had done) 1 month before she delivered her daughter. They had little contact and NOTHING sexual between them for almost 2 years. H has only seen the baby twice in passing and still wants nothing to do with her or the OW. They did have sex again a few times, mostly just oral from her in her car, after my son was born, HE says because she was threatening to tell his family what was going on and as long he gave her money and had sex with her every once in a while she would leave him alone and not bug him to see the OC. I was friends with this woman and before the A started she would go camping with us and to other social events. She has another illegitimate child and his father does not see the boy either. She has had a miscarriage by some other man and a rumored abortion before this all happened. I tell you this not to make her sound bad but to tell you that the woman OBVIOUSLY does NOT care about the future of the children she produces. I do NOT blame her for the A, after all she is not married, but I DO blame her for getting pregnant! I believe (and ALWAYS have) that since it is ULTIMATELY the woman's choice what to do after she becomes pregnant it is HER responsibility to protect herself from GETTING pregnant in the first place if she does not want a baby. I do feel the father should be held financially responsible for the child he helped to produce but why should we make a man try to be a father to a child he never wanted to have? IF I work this out with my H, I don't know how to feel about the other child. Sometimes I feel like I should encourage H to see her, since its not fair to her to grow up with out a father but on the other hand I feel like OW knew the situation in full and this was HER choice to make knowing H wanted no part of the child's life. She KNEW he was married and knew he NEVER wanted a child by her. I blame the A on my H low self-esteem and sexual issues he needs to deal with and I'm no longer pissed that she is one of the people that slept with him. I AM VERY PISSED that this woman when she told me she was pregnant, let me hug her and congratulate her. I touched her stomach and even bought her a shower gift all the while NOT knowing the child inside was my H's. We ran into each at a party after our children were born and we spent almost an hour talking about breastfeeding our babies and sleeping patterns, again NOT knowing I was talking about my H's OC too. THOSE actions are unforgivable and humiliating!!! That is my story in a nut shell. I DO believe that H is sorry and that he loves me but I do not know IF I will be able to work through my mistrust and anger with him and again IF I do stay with him what about the other girl? Contact or no contact, he will have to pay CS and I understand that but I'm NOT happy to see $300 bucks a month that could have been MY son's education or to have another child with go to this woman. Thanks!!!

Hello,
You have come to the right place! I am too a BS dealing with an A and OC. And all you said is very normal. We have no contact with OC. And there are a lot people here in your same situation. Hopefully, they will come along soon!

Have read the priciples on this site?

Dawn

Hello,

Yes we all here are in the same situation. I am also dealing with oc. I just found out about a month ago. I am still hurt, so what you are feeling is normal. My h has no contact with oc/ow.