I found out about my husband's A on Dec 23rd by a phone call. When I confronted him he came clean and told me everything. The OW became pregnant and the child is now 6 months and I have a child that is 5 months! He hasn't been with her since she became pregnant but he was giving her money because she was threatening him that she would talk. Now I am completely devastated. I have been through a roller coaster of emotions. But I have decided to try and work things out. We are waiting for a DNA Test to be done and then he will pay child support but there will be no contact. I just want to know if this marriage has a chance. He has been a wonderful man throughout our 7 years married and 3 years dating. We have three young children together and I can't imagine my life without him. He is willing to do whatever it takes to stay with me. Is there hope for us?

Be strong I am in similiar case see cheated my life story. I pray for you and your husband and hopeful you make it throught this.

Hello,
You have come to the right place and yes there is hope. I also have been married 7 years and we have 3 children. OC is now 15 months and my youngest is 18 months. It has been 22 months since I found out.

I would encourage you to read the priciples of this site.

Dawn

Dawn71,
How did you guys resolve your issues?

You and I have almost the same situtation to a T. It is sad that the children are SO close in age. My H did not get a DNA test done b/c he was affaid to piss OW off or she would tell me about the A. I really loved my H but can't imagine living with this cloud over our heads for the rest of our lives. He does NOT want contact w/ow or oc which would make a reconcillation easier but I filed for a divorce a few months ago. I realized that who ever gets their child/children into the legal system first is better off for the child. I did not want him to bring me and my DS down with him financially so even if we work it out some day it will be after the D is final and he has situated himself legally with the OW and possibly file for bank rupt. I hope you get some words of support here. I have this to be a good board but a little too religious for my taste at times. If you EVER need some support please feel free to contact me.

Hi,

I have been married for 20 years (dated for 9 years before marriage. I found out on December 17 about oc. We have four children. H does not want contact with oc/ow.

You have come to the right site for support the people hear are great.

Keep posting

I find that the only thing that has helped me through this and not think about divorce is my faith. I believe everything in life happens for a reason and I also believe that we ask God for forgiveness of our sins so we in turn must learn to forgive others. I believe my husband is truly repented. So all I can do is take it day by day now and ask the Lord to give me and my family strength.

EC777,

I just found out on 12/17/02 about oc. My faith has help me through some of this, but I am still very hurt and trying to forgive him. I don't want a divorce at this time, but this situation has put us in a very bad money bind, and I just don't know what to do. I do believe my h is truly sorry for what he has done. I just keep praying and hoping that we can make it through this with the money problems and our marriage.

--------
Married 20 - went together 9 years before marriage.
4 children
oc born 9/2000
d-day 12/17/2002

I feel for all those who must deal with a spouse that contributed to the conception of a child outside of your marriage. I'm sure the pain and hurt is unimaginable. As hard as it is, please keep one thing in mind - the child is innocent. There should be no ill will directed towards the child. Given that, the child deserves the love and support (emotional and financial) of a father. This is in no way whatsoever giving the thumbs up to the complete betrayal of hubby. I would hope that any father gives to all his children the deserved love and support. I understand that the challenge of having a constant reminder of hubby's infedility in your life is hurtful, painful, and probably embarrassing. If you can't make peace with that within yourself, then it may be best to end the marriage - however, don't make this decision lightly or quickly, it may take some time before you are able (if you are able) to come to a place where you've made peace about having a child in your life conceived outside of your marriage. Again, I emphasize, hubby can not be any more wrong, but the innocent child should not beprived. Should a wife decide to leave, hubby's relationship with his other children should be worked out between him and his children (if it applies). I pray that things get better for all in this kind of situation, but keep in mind that the child is innocent.

fooled,
Well, it is not easy to resolve conflict and we still have some issues to work out! I guess I think that each person has to compromise. I have to go now. I will try to write later.

Dawn

EC777,

Yes! There is hope. If you and your H are both commited to saving your marriage, you can do it. This site has a lot of great info, not just on the message boards. Read around on the site and you will see how much info is out there.

There are some great books out there too. I read one called "The forgivable sin", I think that is what it is called. I know others here know the names of other good books. Maybe they will post them.

In my sig you will see that we have been in recovery for almost 6 years now. We have been married for almost 7. We have a daughter who is 6 months old, OC is 5 1/2. We have no contact. It is what works for us. We do pay child support and a huge amount of back child support. One piece of advice, don't wait. In some states you can be ordered to pay child support back to birth, that is what happened to us. We are in Arizona.

Anyway, this is a good place for help. We get the occasional crashers and debates, but for the most part you will find wonderful people who have been where you are now. It is nice to know you are not alone. I remember feeling such relief to find this place.

Take care. Take things one day at a time. It is the only way to get though it.

Hi Happy Girl,
Thank you so much for your message. It made me feel so much better to know that someone has survived this and is happy. I hope that everyone on this forum has done a paternity test to confirm the child is theirs. We have also chosen to have no contact also because the woman is psycho and I just can't handle it. This is all hard enough to deal with. I am just finding that I am not angry with my husband but just deeply hurt! But having him home and telling me he loves me every day makes me feel better. I just find that he is truly hating himself for what he did and will do anything to make it up to me, which is what I need.