how exactly is this supposed to work when both parties are of completely opposite opinions? useing fh and myself as an example. we had both decided together (poja) that we were thru having children. to this end i had my ammo belts surgicaly severed. she ends up pg again. i request adoption. she chooses to keep the baby. where is the poja?

prior to grace's birth our discussions lead to if she is going to keep her baby then she will need to apply for cs. she chooses to keep her baby. hasn't she also choose to seek cs? with baby comes support. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> wasn't that the poja?

Pops,

Yes, what you've presented is a reasonable attempt at the POJA. It's hard to be enthusiastic when dealing with a pregnancy through an affair, but you two hammered out the issues with adoption vs. not adopting (and abortion). FH decided to keep the child, and if your request was to seek CS at the time and she agreed, then that was the original "POJA'ed decision". It's always fair for a spouse to come back and revisit it, but insisting on a unilateral change (for example, FH insisting that there be no CS) is a sure way to kill love in a marriage.

Renegotiation is fine. Unilateral decisions take you back to the decision-making process during the affair. If you can't 'renegotiate', then the original terms should apply---if you want to reduce the chances of killing your love for each other. And that's one reason you must be completely honest in negotiations---for example, if full house thought that you'd change your mind on this, and she agreed to it never intending that it would actually happen---well, you can see the problem.

Hello,
I would have to agree with K. If Fullhouse is not being open and honest from the beginning then that makes it hard to POJA.

I know how you feel. My H said if OC is his then he wants to see him. I would think if he really cared he would have done something by now OC is now 15 months old. We are still waiting to see if OC is his or not. And in the beginning he said he did not want any contact. Maybe, because I was pregnant too.

I do think that each one has to bend a little.

Dawn

pops, not that it matters but you bring up some valid points.

I hope FH will understand you and you wanting her TO JUST ONCE, listen to YOU and your feelings.

Bless you two....I hope it works out in court.

love
Debi