My H just revealed to me that he had a "one night stand" and now as a result a child has been born. We've been married for almost six years and we have no children of our own. I'm having a really difficult time of dealing with the issue of infidelity and it is now compounded because of this child. He says that he wants to do the right thing because so many children grow up without their fathers. However, I'm just not certain that I can handle having this child in my life. I'm totally distrought and confused and was hoping you could help me.

I feel your pain. My husband had an affair also and a child was conceived. We also do not have any kids together however, I do have 2 from previous relationship. They are teenagers and h and I have been together for 13 yrs. married 10. Very hard to accept but, with God in our lives pray communication and a determination we will overcome this. Keep your head up and pray read inspirational writings and also keep tuning in to this site. God bless you. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Hello MFH,

I don't know if I can be of much help, but I found out that my h had a "one night stand" also and that he has oc from this. I found out 12/17/02, and the oc is going on three.

I have been dealing with this for about a month. I really understand what you are going through. There is so much pain, and you just don't know what to do.

There are other people on this board who has be dealing with this alot longer than I have. Someone will be contacting you soon. If you want to talk I am hear to listen, and we can vent, cry and help each other.

I think if you hit the eyeglasses from my reply you can read about my situation.

Keep posting. Talk to you later

--------
married 20 years (dated 9 years before marriage)
4 children
oc born 9/2000
d-day 12/17/02

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by butterflie:
<strong>I feel your pain. My husband had an affair also and a child was conceived. We also do not have any kids together however, I do have 2 from previous relationship. They are teenagers and h and I have been together for 13 yrs. married 10. Very hard to accept but, with God in our lives pray communication and a determination we will overcome this. Keep your head up and pray read inspirational writings and also keep tuning in to this site. God bless you. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">

Thanks for the encouraging words IDMHVM. The ONS(one night stand) happened 2/02. The OC was born in 11/02 and my H sprang the news on me on 1/5/03.
How's that for a Happy New Year?! I've been an emotional wreck since then. I feel as if my whole life has been shattered. And the worst part is that he wants to have a relationship with the child! How could he ever expect me to be ok with that? Obviously, I need to have him read various articles of this website. I've been wandering how to tell my family and friends, who by the way all thougt we had the perfect marriage. Any suggestions? I'm sure with time dealing with this will get a little easier, but as for right now I am so depressed. I have an appointment with a couselor this week; maybe that will help. In the meantime, would love to continue my chats with you. It's just nice to have someone who has been through what I'm going through to talk to.

Hi MFH,

I have not told my family or my best friend, and I don't think I will. Everyone thinks that I have such a perfect marriage, and that my h would never do anything that will hurt me. Well he did. Over time I hope I can forgive him, because that is what God would want us to do. But at this time I am still hurting really bad. It has been a month now and I am still crying.

H does not want to have any contract with this child. If he did I really don't think I could handle it, because I really don't want to see this child at all.

This has really created a money problem for us, because h is behind in cs, because he did not want me to know, and he assume that they would take it out of his wages right away. Well, the courts did not and now he must pay behind and current cs. I am really upset about this, because we can not afford all of this money. We have 4 children, and one is in college.

I hope my children will never found out about this, because they really have a great relationship with there father, and if they found out I don't know what they would do.

H states that he is so sorry for this stupid mistake that he has done, and it hurts him to see me in so much pain because he loves me very deeply. He should have thought about that before he did this to me.

I keep praying to God to give me the courage to make it through this, and to also help us. I do love my h,but I am so upset and with him and the ow.

Well, I guess I need to stop venting, because I know you feel very bad, and so do I.

Hope to hear from you again. I will keep you and your h in my prayer.

MFH,
You are so new to this. Read all you can.

H may not be telling the truth.

Get into counseling. One night stand is rare.

Please read and counsel and listen to all advice here.
Bless you.
love
Debi

I feel for all those who must deal with a spouse that contributed to the conception of a child outside of your marriage. I'm sure the pain and hurt is unimaginable. As hard as it is, please keep one thing in mind - the child is innocent. There should be no ill will directed towards the child. Given that, the child deserves the love and support (emotional and financial) of a father. This is in no way whatsoever giving the thumbs up to the complete betrayal of hubby. I would hope that any father gives to all his children the deserved love and support. I understand that the challenge of having a constant reminder of hubby's infedility in your life is hurtful, painful, and probably embarrassing. If you can't make peace with that within yourself, then it may be best to end the marriage - however, don't make this decision lightly or quickly, it may take some time before you are able (if you are able) to come to a place where you've made peace about having a child in your life conceived outside of your marriage. Again, I emphasize, hubby can not be any more wrong, but the innocent child should not beprived. Should a wife decide to leave, hubby's relationship with his other children should be worked out between him and his children (if it applies). I pray that things get better for all in this kind of situation, but keep in mind that the child is innocent.

JustAGuy, You are absolutely right. The pain and hurt is unimaginable! And believe me, I know the oc is innocent in all of this, however that still does not make the situation any better. I have no problem with my H financially supporting this child, but at this point, I cannot handle him having any other type of relationship with the oc. I think it is unfair to me and my feelings to ask for anything otherwise. We have agreed to go to counseling to address some of these issues that have come up since D-day. Maybe with counseling and prayer, I'll be able to accept the oc. . . I'v very hopeful, but I'm also wandering, if there is an oc involved, how will it ever be possible to have nc with the person H had the affair with? Does anyone have any answers to that question?

Married 5 1/2 years (dated 7 years before M)
OC born 11/02
D-day 1/5/03