I had the worst weekend ever. I can't stop crying and I feel so all alone in all this. Maybe because H and I are the only ones that know. I can't stop thinking of everything ow, oc and why this is happening to me. I'm not very religious so praying doesn't comfort me I feel overwhelmed with all of this. Why me? I feel all my dreams and hopes for the future are in question. I wish I could get my mind to stop I think about oc often and I just start to cry. H doesn't know what to do with me, we had a big fight on Friday I hit him and said a lot of mean things and meant them all. He was very good and never hit me back but his voice did get loud and he never left my side. He understand that I will be going through ups and downs but he keeps asking me what else he can do to help me and I don't have any answer except "Can you turn the clock back" I just can't seem to except this is happening to me! Is that normal? I'm getting close to 4 months past d-day and I feel I was doing better in month 2 than now. Oc birthday is coming in March and I dread that day. Why? H said he has nc and that it is and I should stop thinking about it! How do I do that? I feel defeated and start questioning myself and who I am sometimes I feel like I'm a weak person and I have no confidence.This A has made me re-evalute myself and my life and I wonder maybe its not everything I thought it was. I have to stop now because I feel the waterfalls starting and I'm at work. I just want PEACE!!! Will it come? Am I crazy? Why am I so sad all the time? Help!!!!

lj1122,
You are completely normal.

Finding out of A topped off w/oc is devastating to say the least.

You must try to get counseling. Read all you can on this site.

I along with many others here was a basket case.

Your H will have a lot of work to do to help you through this.
You have a lot to do also.

Read, counsel, talk, pray. Not in that order, but they all help.

Your H's attitude will make a lot of difference in the way you begin to recover.
Start a POJA together. That will make you feel safer.

Better days are ahead...it just takes time.

love
Debi

I to am in a similiar situation. Found out in Nov. 02 was feeling better a month than I am today. Everyday is a different day. In MC church H being very supportive but, that too sometimes seem like it is not enough. Please read my stories HELP and cheated. I do believe in God and everything will be okay eventually. I lose hope sometimes and want out but, I will not let the OW win even though he says he hates her and will not be with her regardless because she is a a fatal desperate person. She knew he was married when they met so I have no pity for her. Her stupidity makes me stronger each day. I will have the victory. I claim it and it shall be mine. Please do not give up hope. If your H is being very supportive as my husband is you can pull through this. You can be a shoulder for someone else some day. God bless you and believe in the man above without him you would not exist. Good luck! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Hello,
You are definetly not alone! How are you today?

Dawn

Please try to understand that you are NOT alone and what your feeling is 100% normal.
Our stories are simular- read my post from 1/15/02
but its a long story.
I haven't been married as long as you have but I think that if your H is truely trying to help you through this then maybe you should take a step back and take a little time to yourself to think things over. He should understand if you need a little thinking time to yourself and have a break down every now and then. It is him that has caused you SO much pain. My OC b-day is the 1st week of Feb so I know I will be a basket case that day but we have NC either. I have not see the OC and don't want to but the OW works at the same company as H and she brings the OC to work every once in awhile to rub my UH face in it. She will bring her to his department on purpose to hope that he will want to be with the OC. My H has done everything "right" since I found out about the A but it still doesn't seem to be enough which is why I don't think we will be able to make it work b/c I can't seem to get past what he has done to our families and to me. I too would feel like a weakling if I took him back but I know that is not the case. I felt SO unattractive and worthless too and still do so I really can't help with how to get over that. Everyone seems to think that time heals all wounds but I think the cut an A makes in a M is TOO big to put a band aid on and hope it heals. You have to nourish and protect the cut so that it heals COMPLETELY to prevent further injury to the wound but the scar and pain it created will NEVER go away. I love my H and I REALLY do think he loves me but I feel that I would just bring this up too much and create a bad marriage that would be to weak to survive an attack again. Please write me if you need to talk.

Hi - I'm so sorry you are having a hard time of this, but I am one person that can totally understand. I too found out in September of my husbands affair. I also felt like I was doing better in month two than now. I have my good weeks and bad weeks. It's just so very hard to get the mental pictures out of my head. The forgiving part is easiest but the forgetting part in almost impossible. Please know that you are not alone.

lj1122: I've been reading your posts and felt that I should respond to this one....your oc and my possible oc's birthdays are one day apart. our d-days are a little over a month apart so I can totally relate to where you are emotionally.

I understand not having any support system other than this board. I'm in that boat too by my choice. I haven't told anyone other than counselor and these fine ladies here on this site. I'm embarassed. That's all there is to that. The people we know think we have the perfect marriage and they think my H is the most wonderful, thoughtful, caring man on earth so, I haven't told anyone - I would hate to burst their bubble...Anyway......

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">he keeps asking me what else he can do to help me and I don't have any answer except "Can you turn the clock back" </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">No, dear, he can't turn back the clock. The moments that all of our husband's stole from us are gone. Those moments can never be regained. There is no magic wand. I do not know your personal story so I don't know if he is trying or not butI have to believe that all of these husbands could be with the ow if they chose to do so. And for some reason, it's us they chose. Why did they do that? I don't know but Zebrababy told me once that it was because I was his friend, his true love, his helpmate, his rock and his pillar of strength. Maybe she's right!

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> H said he has nc and that it is and I should stop thinking about it! How do I do that? I feel defeated and start questioning myself and who I am sometimes I feel like I'm a weak person and I have no confidence. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I just got a posting from BinTheredunThat where I asked virtually the same thing and her paraphrased response was that if my mindset and my attitude were defeated then my marriage would be too. How do you stop thinking about it? Lord, I don't know and I wish I had an answer but I'd like to offer this...it's OKAY! You are perfectly okay to be thinking about it. It's what you do with those thoughts that will either destroy you or bring you somewhere up from this mess.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I'm not very religious so praying doesn't comfort me I feel overwhelmed with all of this </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I'd like for you to know that you don't have to be 'religious' to pray. God hears all of our prayers. In addition, I would like to suggest some books you can read. Some of them are about affairs, some about forgiveness and some about relationships. They are all interesting and might help you some.

Torn Asunder - by Stoops
The art of Forgiving by Lewis Smedes
Getting The Love you Want by harville Hendrix
The Power of a praying Wife (can't remember her name)
After the affair - by Janis Spring
Loving What is by Byron Katie - this one I highly recommend. It's all about us and about our mindset and about our reality in life and it's just a simple process to help us think clearer - to help free us from the hell we are in.
Most of these books can be obtained at your local library.

I feel for ya! I know how horrible this is. You cry because your dreams have been shattered. You are probably unsure who the man in your house is. You are probably unsure as to what your vows mean. You are probably wondering what your life has meant with him. You are probably wondering if you can ever get over this. Well, I don't know the answers to those either. I just tell you that I come here often, I read it daily (sometimes it infuriates me) but I read anyway. Sometimes I skip over to the recovery board for a good dose of whatlife down the pike looks like. I post on the board so that some of these wonderful ladies can offer their advice, their assistance and their cyber hugs!

Someone on the recovery board had me do an exercise because I swear that I hated my husband.. She asked me to write down all the things I loved about my husband pre-d-day. There were over 20 things on that list. Then I kept saying yes I loved those things about him but but but...She said, those things are still there but the pain of the affair is so strong right now that you can't see them. She suggested some time. She suggested that I let myself feel all the feelings I was feeling and that it was okay. But at some point, we have to make a decision to wallow in that or to move on.

Ya know...most of the ladies on this board write to us and say 'time', give it 'time' and they know how infuriating that is to hear that because someone somewhere in their past told them the same thing. You probably feel that you don't have any time. But you do. You wake up every morning and you have time. God has not taken you from this earth yet so you still have time.

I pray for peace for all of us on the board. we don't deserve to be here but we are. I pray for peace to permeate our lives. Hugs to you!!!!

Angelia

Thanks to you all for the kind words. I called my doctor, we talked and decided to changed my medication. Hopefully this will take the edge off. I actually haven't been as weepy the last 2 days but I just have to move past this and get strong again. I joined a gym and started working out I need self improvement. I find the more time I have on my hand the worst I get I must keep busy. Nights are the hardest because h gets up early in the morning to be at work at 6:00 am so he is always asleep before me. Son #1 is away at college and son #2 is a senior in high school and has his own busy life. So I can get in a funk when I let those demons invade my mind. I know I will get better and h is very good with me I know he is so sad that he did what he did but what is done is done. I am really glad that I have this site to know that I'm not going crazy and how I'm feeling is okay. You guys are great!!!

Very glad to hear your spirits are lifted. Please write me as I need encouragement as well. I am not always at my best. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />