I'm not trying to be selfish here but it seems like I'm not getting very much support from this board and I REALLY need some people to talk to about my situation. I have posted several times and they have all gone unanswered. I don't need to have 7 pages of answers but just a few responses to let me know that someone is out there would do me a world of good. Did I do something wrong or am I too liberal for this board? Please let me know if I have said something to offended off the board. Thanks.

I am sorry you havent been answered, I read your thread and I do understand what your going through, I have been a bs many times, but on this site, many seem to consider me only an ow with a oc, I didnt want to respond and upset you more.

I can tell you as a bs, time lessons all wounds, however I dont know that they all go away. I remember every incident that my husband brought into my life like it happened yesterday, and it still hurts, but I dont cry any more over it.
If you wont be offended , I am more than happy to listen, but would understan if you need a different point of view.
but welcome. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

thisisnotmylife,
Things are really busy around here lately. More answers will come.

I went and read about your situation. Are you still at your Moms? Does H want you home? Have you two gone into counseling?

You are in shock. You feel the same as most of us have here. It is normal to both despise and love your H at the same time.

If you are willing to save your marriage then read all you can from this site.

It can be saved, there is always hope.

I do not have a lot of time but I'm sure others will answer you. I also need to read a few of your posts.

love
Debi

mylife,

I don't have much time for posting nowadays, and being an oldtimer, I don't relate to the fresh pain of newbies as much as I once did...

(But that should give you hope! That one day this will NOT be the center of your life! One day, you will move on, with or without your spouse!!)

Unfortunately, we tend to reply most to those who come here to argue, rather than those who come in pain for help....

You wrote: He swears that the A had nothing to do with me or a bad M but his low self worth and fear of being M.

I AGREE WITH THIS TOTALLY!!!

If your H (and you!!!) can recognize this fact: that the cheating is a product of your H's dysfunctions, and if your H is WILLING to get help(!!), counseling, and work on his issues, then there is every reason to believe that your He is a changing man and your relationship can have a happy future.

Someone else posted about the financial difficulties of being with a man who now has to pay child support outside the marriage. There is no changing the fact that if your H is 99%positive a biological father, he will have to pay ch-support.

But there is ALSO no changing the fact that your H will ALWAYS be the father of a child WITH YOU, that you have a history and a relationship that he never shared with XOWomen. There is still much to heal together, and there's no law against re-marrying your H. ;-) In fact, I think it would be beautiful to have a courtship and remarriage. :-)

Despite the stereotypes, there is great courage and growth in staying and rebuilding and changing TOGETHER, not to mention the virtue I think exists in honoring the vows you once made before God and family to love, honor, and cherish each other forever. The hard work (and fun!) of changing and growing, and forgiving, is a huge gesture of love. :-)

I hope this helps.
Hang in there. I'm sorry for your pain, but healing isn't far away...
J
in recovery 4.5y and glad I stayed :-)

this,
Sending big hugs your way. I am so sorry you are hurting and that you do not feel you are receiving adequate support from this board. I am an OW (not one w/ OC) so I usually limit my posts to where I feel I can be of some assistance. From my short time here I can tell you that you will most likely get more help from the General Questions board as it receives far more traffic than this board.

I responded to your post because your pain is apparent and regardless of our titles we all feel and can empathize with pain and loss.

Are you still living at your mother's house? Also are you going to allow the D to continue?

As far as to your question on the other thread I do not feel it is impossible to reclaim your love or R w/ H (even after D) if it is meant to be. Hang in there. Read the material here at MB. Create and adhere to a self improvement plan that is not geered toward winning your STBXH back, but more designed to just better yourself.

I can not begin to imagine the pain of having your mate create a child w/ someone else. As I stated I am an OW. Many here would state that MM will one day cheat on me. Maybe, maybe not. He has not demonstrated any of these behaviors towards me. However, I have a future to protect. That is a concern I have addressed to him as well. For me, I know I would not stay w/ him if he were to ever create an OC. He has agreed to get a vasectomy prior to our M. He states that he does not want any more children - he has 2.

Anyway, back to you. Continue to post here at MB. There is a wealth of information and some very kind souls. Also remember you may receive more help on the General board.

Good luck to you in your continued healing and growing. tew