Ahhh! I could kick myself, I was reading a post somewhere and there were some bible scriptures, I don't know exactly what it said but I do know that ever since I read it I've been thinking I should try and forgive OW and talk to my guy about this OC and our options for involvement. Not that I think she would go for it, she's still same ole OW right now, but maybe one day she'll come around. Now after replying to NO Contact, I feel I must take my own advice. If this is his child he deserves the same love my children get from their father. He is so good with them, and I can't help feeling like it's all my fault he chooses not to be involved with OC. I DO STILL HATE OW WITH A PASSION, but I will try to forgive her, and hopefully she won't keep up her antics to piss me off. Cause that would make it hard, and I might just say fuk it. I do know that if he and I were not together he might (he says no, but I know him) try being a father to this child. I don't think that if we broke up he'd continue a relationship with her, knowing that helps me to be secure in the fact that he does want this to work. Since the yahoo incident there has been no more contact with OW. Given time to heal a little more, and trust him a little more, and build a better relationship, I think I could be persuaded to open the door to them a little more. But only if she is on her best behavior, I don't feel like our relationship is being threatened, and most importantly only if he shows me no signs of backsliding. I think that God is working on me, just don't know if I'm ready yet. In time.

Bridgette

That is very nice of you to say those things. I for one was liking the fact of the NC deal. However, my husband does not have any biological kids. I will not let him neglect his child and he doesn't want to anyway. So we are going off to court to fight for visitation rights. I know it will and is hard but, I believe in GOD he is with me at all times and will not forsake me. OW has done some stupid things as well email pictures, calling him all day long, calling my house not since I told her she may not like me but, she will ****ing respect me. No call from her on my home phone since then. She is still trying to sway him her way with the baby however, NC since I found out 2 months ago. Baby is 5 months old. He is being very supportive and we are in MC church praying and he has decided NC until court order because she is obsessed with him.

I also feel for the OC in our situation too. I truely think that UH would not have any contact with his OC unless I want or encourage him to. Part of me is affaid that the OW will then move into the family unit and I will replaced. Also I have ALWAYS wanted at least 2 kids and a daughter if possible so knowing that she got 2 kids(different fathers) and a the daughter that should have been mine REALLY hurts. Plus the fact that the OW shared her pregnancy with me like I was her friend, letting my touch her belly and hug her is truely the sign of a horrible person, I think. The b#### in me thinks that it would piss her off to see my accept the OC into my life and that it would hurt her. Her son from another man does not see his father so I wonder how she would explain to him that her daughter, his sister gets to have a daddy and another family and he doesn't. I KNOW she got pregnant in the hopes that UH would leave me and be with her and her other son so he could have a father too. But I also KNOW that was nothing more than a f##K in the bathroom at work to my UH. So NC is the way things HAVE to be for now and who knows about the future. Good luck to you.

lt,
I don't think you'll get any flack on this board for having visitation w/OC. It's been repeated over and over again that no one "hates" the child.

Visitation seems to work best when done in the most business-like manner (use court system to determine fair, "normal" schedule and stick to it; absolute minimal or no solo contact between former affairees!), and when all parties can act mature ( too big a stretch for some people, including 'my' XOW !! Sad but true).

Don't forget to use complete Policy of Joint Agreement with your H, and always present united front to XOW, even if you have private disagreements. You can fight for his rights if you have to; sometimes it's an uphill battle, and only you guys can tell if it's worth it for all involved, esp. OC.

Good luck and God be with you,
J
in recovery 4.5y and glad I stayed