I have been married 6 years and for the past two years my husband has been having an affair, the result was a baby boy who is now 7 months old. My husband tells me that he is not going to leave me for her but that He loves us both and will continue to see her. He tells me that if he wanted to leave me he would of done it a long time ago, but that he has no intention of leaving us for anybody. I have been through this heartache for 2 years now. My heart is completly broken. I just do not know what to do at this point. I feel that I should not have to be sharing my husband with someone else. This person is not going to leave my husband, now they have a forever bond with the baby.
Please someone help. Any advice.

I not sure what your saying. Is he still seeing this other woman? If so, why. That I don't understand. I feel your pain. My husband cheating on me from the beginning of our marriage which is 6 years. He has a 5 year old daughter. Beleive me when I tell how painful it is. My husband has no contact with the OW/OC. We are trying to work things out. You husband should have no contact with this OW. If he wants to see the baby, then you should be with him. If he doesn't want to do this, then I would look for a good divorce lawyer. In order for the marriage to survive both must work at it. Your husband must come clean. Try talking to professional about this. It hard to deal with this issue but it can be done.

What I am saying is that he still does see this other woman and child 3x's a week. Right now as I write this he is over at her house seeing her and their son. I have told him let's try some counseling, but he tells me there is nothing wrong with our marriage. That I am a good woman, but so is she and he will not let either of us go. He says he will always be with us, living with us, but that he will make time to be with her and their son. I am seriously considering taking our kids and leaving him and going back home. The only problem with that is that home is another state 27 hours away and I don't want to deprive our children of their dad. But right now I am not happy with this situation at all. I keep thinking about all the years we have known each other, since we were kids, all the years we were together before we got married and it pains me that he would give up all we worked for just to be with this other woman. We have gone from having nothing to having a comfortable, decent life. I guess my question would be shall I give it all up? Would you?

I think in your situation the way I see understand. You should leave if he is not willing to have NC with OW then go. You should not have to put up with that. My h had A on me with a child too. He has given up seeing OW, and he don't want any contact with child. Which was his discision not mine. Your H from what I understand seems not to respect you in any way at all. Even if my H wanted to see OC, I would not put up with him going to her house to see OC. This OC will come to my house with his visits, and I would help to go get the OC. That is part of our recovery in our marriage. Teamwork.

what in the bad word does this jerk mean by there's nothing wrong with your marriage? if there was nothing wrong, why are you so unhappy? i guess his opinion is the only one that matters, and you mean nothing. is that really how you want to spend your life? and even more important, is this what you want your children to grow up thinking that it's okay to disrespect your wife and family the way he is? it sounds very much like your kids have already lost their father, at least the one they deserve to have.
your kids and yourself are all that should matter to you right now. your husband has already rubbed your nose in how little he cares for you, you have to protect them now as well as yourself.
there is no amount of security that will compensate you for the damage this man is doing to your heart and soul. im my opinion, the thing to do would be to go home, 27 hours away. chances are good that once you're gone he'll realize just what he stands to lose and follow. right now, he has everything, the good little wife sitting at home, the nice house, the beautiful kids, and the accepting mistress whenever he wants. why should he choose? and if he doesn't want to grow up and stop acting like a kid playing with a new toy, then at least you'll be far enough away to help with the healing process and not see him all the time. remember, if he's not the one who loves you, then right now you're missing out on the one who will!
run!

<small>[ January 26, 2003, 08:38 PM: Message edited by: kristawny ]</small>

It sound like your H wants to live the life most men dream of a wife at home and a mistress to take care of his special needs. I don't understand why you have to be the one to leave with your children. Its bad enough when the dad is not home but to uproot them into unfamilar ground. He is the one who should leave not you. Dont allow for him to continue to disrepect you. The best thing you have are your children. They are a blessing. I raised my children on my own with a few struggles but it was worth it. They turned out great. Your children will too. They need as much love as you do. Having children live in an environment like the one your H wants you to accept is unheathly. Please seek some counseling. You deserve to be respected and loved. Your H is full of himself. Things happen for a reason.Maybe you need to learn to love yourself more. I know how scary change is but you will make it.

THAT MAN HAS TO GO!!!
I know this sound harsh but your H is abusing you! Many women have decide to stay and work it out with their UH but I don't know very many who will let their H have contact with the OW. Since he has been in the OC life he will probably need to continue contact but this should be done w/ an agreement with YOU that has NC with the OW if he will ever agree to that. I know that it will be hard but you need to stay put and make him go. Get HIM to explain to YOUR children that Daddy needs to be gone for a while and let them see that their father cares more for the OW&the OC than for his family. If he is truely a good man then he should treat ALL his children equally and realize what a good woman he has in you. Once he starts to see the OW in the same every day light that he see you in, I doubt that she will be so appealling. Let him know that there is something terribly wrong with your M if he feels the need to be w/OW and you will not put up with him going from her bed to yours every other day. Once you show him that you CAN make it with out, I think he will respect you a little more. If this man refuses to give up the OW, then you need get out of the picture for your own sanity. NOTHING good can come out of this if HE is not will to make a choice, what ever the choice is at least you can either start to rebuild a M or find someone who does TRUELY love you. I wish you the best!!!

Have you read anything on this website about Plan A or Plan B? You might want to read about those before making any decisions. At least Plan B will give you some leverage in persuading your H to end his affair.

Dr. Harley recommends that the betrayed spouse be the go-between when visitation occurs. Are you up for that? If not, then it would be based on a mutual decision and enthusiastic agreement between your H and yourself.

There are some suggestions and explanations of how to implement Plans A or B under the Q&A section of this website. Read all you can and also if you haven't read Surviving An Affair by Dr. Harley yet, I would also recommend that book. Good luck!

Your husband is really trying to live the life of a bigamist. Well, it only works if you and the other woman agree to share him. How long can this go on for?

I am soo soo sorry you are in this situation.