I'm new to this board - usually post on GQII...

Just had confirmation from WW that she is pregnant by (ex)OM. Our full story is in the links at the bottom but with regard to this situation we had been trying for children for 4 years with no success. It was one of a number of reasons that led to our M breakdown and W having an A.

We have remained very close and just before Christmas when OM was over she finished it with him - though she is still in contact.

She thought she could not get pregnant and even though I had asked her to think about what she was doing she has become pregnant.

She doesn't know whether to keep it or not and I don't know what I can do to help. Whilst it would be easy for me to say get rid of it I know that to do so will cause her much pain and anguish now and forever.

She has not recomitted to our M and I have told her (many times over the last year) that if she got P by someone else it would not be a barrier for me if she chose to work on our M. It will clearly make things much more difficult but the situation is what it is. Recriminations are worthless. I don't think (knowing my W) that she would/will want me back just to look after OC (if she goes ahead with P) and this is not what I would want.

What do I do or say: she has very little time (7 weeks or so) to make a decision? How can I help? All advice greatly received.

bowd

bowd,

Well, to me it sounds as if your W is still somewhat in a fog. Yes, she ended it w/xOM, but she isn't sure what she wants now! I think your best bet is to Plan A and "show" her that you still love her and want her as your W and will support and love her no matter her decision! It is so hard to be in your possition, and in your W's possition, regarding the pregnancy! I have been where she is, and my H and I chose to keep the baby(who will be 2 in 2 months!), and not to let xOM know of either the pregnancy or Abbi! It makes it SO much easier, as you don't have xOM do deal with, and you can concentrate on repairing the damage to the M!

As for your W not knowing what she's going to do about the P or your M, you still need to give her time. And, continue to show her your love and support. I wish that I had some better advice, as I'm sure that you've heard this all before, but take it from someone whose been there, it can work!

Keep us updated!

Tigger

Thank you for your positive words Tigger.

I will keep on plan Aing my W and I hope she choses to work again on our M. But I know that were she to do it simply for the baby it would be far less likely to work.

She also knows this and I know she wouldn't do this....

my worry is that given the above she may rule out trying again altogether because of concerns that deep down she might only be doing it for the baby or that I might think this...

But it is good to know that you worked things out and are continuing to do so.

As always hope is there.

Thanks again