I'm sooooo confused. My D date is next month and I'm not 100% sure that I should go through with it. I feel that financially I'm 100% its the best thing for my DS and myself but emotionally I don't think I can handle it. My UH has truely done everything "right" since I found out about his A. Letting me yell at him and even hit him when I first found out, cry at him, scream some more, call him at all hours to yell some more and tell him when our son is up. He bought books to read and wrote me a letter telling me how sorry he is, takes FULL responsibility for the A. He NEVER lets me blame myself for what happend even when I try to and swears that he loves me and our son 110%. He says he will do anything to stay together even giving me WHATEVER I want in the divorce and for CS for my son. He seems SO committed to making it work but WHY the hell wasn't he SO committed in the beginning when the A started? I feel like the only way I can face my friends and family is if I get the divorce to show them that I won't tolerate that kind of treatment and that I value myself as a person and I'm not a weakling. NO OFFENSE TO ANYONE ON THIS BOARD, PLEASE DON'T TAKE IT THAT WAY! There is NOT ONE person in my family or life who doesn't know what UH did to me and it is hard to face them! I'm SO lost and confused. I still love him but WHY?? WHY do I love someone who didn't think of me when he brought into MY house and had sex with her in MY loft? Why do I love someone who shows SO many actions that he didn't love me but then swears he loves me MORE than anything on this earth? I just don't understand this! I could almost understand throwing away our M for someone to LOVE but I really think she was just a good lay and used him to get pregnant. He wants NC with either the OW/OC and wishes she would just go away! Crying again at work better go now. Thanks everyone!

Only you know what is best for you. I have been battling with that decision as well. H is being very supportive as well just like yours. I owe it to myself to try and rebuild our marriage on grounds of the present not the past. I feel people can change. Maybe this occurred to make your marriage stronger who knows only God knows. I do not blame you if you do divorce I am feeling that way also. But, on the other hand I feel I am where God wants me to be even though it hurts like hell. I believe and have faith not always in good spirits but, with time we will recover. Look inside yourself and make your decision based on you not what other people think or so no one is in your shoes except you. God bless you and if you believe in God not sure what your religious preference is but, talk to God do not make a irreversible decision because of hurt and anger. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

If you follow through with the divorce because "it is the only way I can save face" you will be making a big mistake. It seems that you want to demonstrate strength by doing something very weak.

Recognise that eventually you will forgive your husband. If you do not you will end up a bitter person - someone who feeds thier pain and resentment like a treasured pet.

Finally, If you decide on divorce base the decision on something real:

I will never love him again.
I can never trust him again.
etc.

I agree with Engineer Bob. You must not base your decision on what other people will think of your decision. You have to live with that decision for the rest of your life. Believe me I have made a terrible decision once that I can never take back and it will hurt forever! Never give away anything you love no matter what people say or think. You are strong! You are not weak! You can do anything you set your mind to! Make that your mantra! Erase divorce from your mind and always remember that this to shall pass.

notmylife,,,, what the others have said about living with your decisions is true. make them for yourself not others. if facing friends and family is difficult for you then that is also something you have to live with. i think that your friends and family will not think anything negative about you instead they will think of you as having the heart of a lion to be able to forgive your h and keep your family intact. pride in being able to do this is what you should be feeling.

on whether or not you can ever trust again depends on you. for me it is not a matter of trust as much as a matter of being able to love completely again. i care for my ww very much as we have been together for over 1/2 my life. i do not have the same feelings of love for her however that i once had. before her a i felt that i could not live without her. i don't feel that way now.

i do feel that it would be easy to walk away but then i don't know whether i would have tried my best. i look at it as i can leave anytime so why not try to get over all this garbage and keep pur family together. there is still a hand that has not been played in our game. (please don't everyone ride me on thinking this stuff is just a game. i just used it as a figure of speech.) that is the cs and visitation issue. court hearing with da is set for my w and om on 3/25. we will visit the visitation issue after that.

gotta go for now, pops