I was looking through his coat pockets for my liscense that he was supposed to put up for me but lost, and I happened upon the picture of a gorgeous little biracial boy. It was a Christmas pic and written on the back was his name. She did give him SO's last name, even though he didn't sign the bc. Last time I asked him if he had ever seen oc he said no, this was just days ago. I have even asked him if he'd ever seen a picture, he said no and he lied to me. I think he even swore on our daughter's life but I can't be sure about that as we have had this conversation many times. But this last time I am sure he lied to me, and he didn't even hide the picture, he knows I have a tendency to snoop. I am still shaking, because now I have been thrown for a loop. I have to wonder if he's still seeing her, is he seeing this kid? His time is pretty well accounted for and we are broke so I know no money is going to oc, but he said to me just yesterday during a heated argument that he was sure she had not/would not put him on CS. I told him he couldn't be sure of that unless they were still f******. He has sworn that he is not cheating.

I thought I was coming to grips with this and might have even been able to try to forgive OW and be civil enough to support his being involved, but if he can't even tell me the truth about whether or not he's seen him/them, then I can't do it. Now I think he's lying to me about everything, I just don't know anything for sure. He told me he had heard she'd taken the baby to Missouri to live with family while she stayed here, is that just a story to keep me from thinking he's seeing OC behind my back? Why couldn't he just be honest, I always felt he would want to know this child, so there was no reason for him to lie, I told him if he wanted to we could work this out, if he was honest. What now? Now I'm back to wanting him to have nothing to do with child or leave me alone to raise our kids without him, I am not willing to become this big extended family, and I will not welcome them into my life. Period. He can go now if he thinks I won't find out for sure or that I'll let him get away with this again. It'll be a cold day in hell.....

Bridgette

lady,
I am sorry that you are in pain. And while I do not condone his lying to you, perhaps he does not feel you would be receptive to the truth.

I have went and reread some of your posts. Clearly you are angry. You also have a good reason to be angry. I am sure that anger reflects in many of your interactions with your SO.

We are talking about his flesh. Regardless of how this child was conceived it is HIS child. I can not imagine having to turn my back on my own child.

He may tell you it does not matter or he wishes to have no contavt, but often WS or WSO try to minimize the pain their partners feel by telling them what they think they want to hear.

If he came to you and said YES, I want to see my son. Yes, I am proud of him and glad he has my name etc. How would you feel, what would you do?

I am not trying to cause you pain w/ my post. It is just my opinion. tew

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by lady_terry:
<strong>...I have even asked him if he'd ever seen a picture, he said no and he lied to me. I think he even swore on our daughter's life but I can't be sure about that as we have had this conversation many times. But this last time I am sure he lied to me, and he didn't even hide the picture...</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

I think you should print your part of this post, with the OC's photo folded neatly inside and put it all back inside his pocket where you found it...

Wonder why he is so afraid to just tell you? It's better for him to just tell you rather than to keep getting caught in a web of lies. His dishonesty is destroying your marriage, not so much the affair--you guys could survive this affair if he would just be honest!!! I'm so sorry you are going through this.

OTOH, I also wonder how come you didn't confront him immediately with the picture? Was he not home when you found this photo? Just get everything out on the table, especially since you know what you now know.

<small>[ January 31, 2003, 07:43 AM: Message edited by: BINthereDUNthat ]</small>

I just had another idea. You could remove the photo from his pocket and keep it in your possession until he starts searching for it and just quietly watch his actions... Then, when you are certain that he is missing the photo, take it out and ask him "are you looking for this?" Then begin your discussion based on the concerns you have mentioned in this post. At least it will give you some time to compose yourself and decide what exactly needs to be communicated.

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

No, he was not home when I found it, but after I posted he came back, and saw it sitting beside me. I said to him he's a beautiful baby. He asked me if I was mad, I said no (I was lying), but I wish you had been honest with me. He said he had been honest with me that he has not seen him in person and that he had had no contact with her. He didn't say how long he'd had the pic he couldn't remember but he did say he didn't get it from her but from some of their mutual acquaintances he used to work with. I was quiet, because I don't know whether to believe him. He had a long term on and off relationship with her that resulted in a baby and he wants me to believe he feels nothing. I can't believe that. We have been together for more than 5yrs and I just don't believe he could stop seeing me immediately if we broke it off, I know how we've wavered in the past, I expect the same thing to be going on with them, but he insists that he cares nothing for her and the baby was a mistake. Well I believe he had no intention of having a baby with her but I can't believe that he had this relationship with her for all this time and feels nothing. If he could just be honest with me, we could work things out, no matter how he feels, or what he chooses to do. I don't expect him to turn his back on this child that was his decision, but I can't say I want this child in my life. Of course, I truly love him and if he can be honest in his efforts with me and ask me to include child I will. But I have to know that seeing the child does not mean still being with her.I don't understand his line of thinking.

I don't have a printer but I will leave this page up for him so he'll see it when he clicks the screen saver off, whether he'll read it I don't know.

Thanks for the advice guys.
Bridgette

My h had a and a child was the result of it as well. Mixed kid also h first we have none together. I have two teenagers from previous relationship. H and been m 10 yrs in march together for 13 years. I was a basket case when I found out 2 months ago. I have come a long way since then. I stumbled upon this site in the nick of time. With God, prayer, inspirational writings, faith, 2 best friends support of my h i would not be here today. My response to the lies is this men lie plan and simple they will not tell all like we would do. My h states the same thing he had no feelings for ow was pressured into the affair with her holding the pregnancy over his head. The child will be 7 months tomorrow. I still do not know how he hid it from me however, he did. I am facing the fact that I will not know everything that went on only God knows. I do not want to know anymore I have hurt enough and shedded enough tears you know. My advice would be to let it go. If you are going to move past this leave well enough along. We will be having contact with oc eventually. Trying to go about it the legal way. OW is nuts. That is another story in itself. Pray and you must think of yourself and not put yourself through any more torture wondering, and all. If he is not being honest it will all come out eventually sad as that sounds. Sorry for rambling on. God bless you. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />