Hi everyone -
I've been in lurkerdom because sometimes the MB forum can really hinder your progress if you aren't strong enough. Baby & I are fine, I'm just struggling with an angry phase that I'm sure everyone here has gone through the "how could you, you hurt me, the OW knew dang well, I don't care, etc.". Anyway - my therapist has asked me about maybe taking an antidepressant because of this. Of course we should also add that the exOW had the baby yesterday. She's had a pretty rough pregnancy & the little girl was born about 6 weeks early. She only weighs 3 1/2 pounds and her lungs aren't developed very well. She'll be in NICU for sometime.

Truthfully, I'm not so much angry at the baby, she's innocent. But I am mad at everyone for being so damn (excuse me ya'll) selfish. I have a wee bit of a problem focusing on past problems & worrying about the future. Outside of the OC & exOW drama, I know have a problem with depression and since I am breastfeeding my own daughter, my depression & stress won't be good for her.

But for those of you who have been on antidepressant - how did you feel? I can't stand taking medicine because I hate that loopy air head feeling, but I have come to realize that if I can't control my triggers, then I better take the meds. I did some research & Zoloft seems to be the best choice by drs for breastfeeding mothers. Has anyone taken it or is on it now? I just need some testimonials I suppose!!!

Vee

Vee, I am knowledgeable in the field of antidepressants professionally and am also taking one for myself.

You need to talk to your OB/GYN about the safety with nursing and antidepressants.

That being said, they do not make you loopy or with diminished cognition. If they do, you are on wrong med or wrong dose. They could give you the added energy and boost to work more effectively in therapy as well.

I also think you should get the prescription prescribed to you by a psychiatrist who is more knowledgeable about the dosage and side effects and how to modulate them.

I think it may be a good idea for you.

Hope this helps.
unhappy wife

Unhappy -
Thanks. I have a call into my therapist about it. I don't know what his background as far as that is all concerned but I did want to talk it over with him. From what I read on the web, there was a heirarchy of drugs that one doctor who has done a lot of research on medications & nursing mothers (Dr. Hale) on which ones had the lowest transfer rate into milk.

I'll also give my OB/GYN a call too. I just don't like taking medicines. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> But, after struggling through depression for almost 3 years, I can tell when I'm about to have a pretty serious bout. And this would be one of those times. My bouts seem to be preceeded by an inordinate amount of anger for a few weeks, then crying & not eating spells. Which is something I can't do if I'm nursing. Not to mention that I need to be clear for my own sanity. Anyway - thanks again!!

HELLO, I'M SURE THAT THE HPPY PILLS THAT I AM TAKING REALLY HELP A LOT. I DID GO OFF THEM FOR ABOUT 6 MONTHS BUT HAD A SET BACK [NOT THE OW] AND WAS PRSCRIBED THEM AGAIN. I AM TAKING WELLBUTRIN. IT ALSO HELPS TO QUIT SMOKING AND ISN'T HARD ON THE SEX DRIVE. I CALL THEM HAPPY PILLS BECAUSE THEY LOOK LIKE A SMILY FACE AT A QUICK GLANCE. ANY WAY YOUR PRIORITIES ARE THE BABY AND YOURSELF. DO WHAT IS SAFE FOR YOU. I ALSO FELT THAT THIS SITE MIGHT PUT A DAMPER ON MY HEALING BUT JUST A FEW DAYS OF READING AND A FEW POSTS I SURE DO FEEL BLESSED AND I'M SURE WHEN YOU LOOK AT YOUR BABY THERE ARE THOSE FEELINGS TOO. TAKE CARE

Vee,

Seven months post-D-day I was prescribed zoloft because I was BF'ing Bubba. (I found out about OW/OC two weeks post-partum...good timing, eh?)

I struggled first, because I wanted to process my feelings and "get it over with" but I seemed to have been stuck there...hence the zoloft. By the third day, Mr."T" and one of my friends from church noticed a 180 in my personality. I am still on them, Bubba weaned and baby #5 on the way due around May 5th (close to D-day...wouldn't that be IRONIC????)

I have found that I was depressed due to many things and that Mr."T"'s situation just added to the "straw that broke the camel's back" so to speak.

Zoloft did not make me loopy etc. I actually lost weight on it (in combo. with the nursing). Just drink lots of water (you need to anyway). Bubba is a delight and I know with the stress and depression you worry about how it will affect the baby, but my son was such a comfort to me during that trying year.

I hope you find something that works for you.

Hugs,
Twiisty

Don't want to h ijack this thread but....what exactly do the anti-depressants do? Do they make you happy/just able to deal? what happens when you stop taking them - and you go back to dealing with this crap? Do they make you unable to make rational decision?

How do they affect your body? do they actually work? Any side effects?

thanks.!

Angelia -
I was talking to my mom about this because she is taking the same meds that Sandra7 is taking. She said it just helps to really calm her. We've had some WONDERFUL family drama and it really helped her through it so that in her own words ... "She didn't come at my aunt's throat" <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Twiisty -
Ok - why does that sound SOOOO like me right now? Just a few minutes ago I thought again to myself - I will not let thoughts of the exOW destroy my marriage. As mad as I am, I still love my H and I really want it to work. But right now, it's a big adjustment - have a baby, deal with a broken marriage, deal with an OC. Whew! My H wants to have contact with the OC, but the exOW's mom is going to make it pure hell (excuse me ya'll) for that to happen. Anyway - at some point my IC will call me back about the meds. And I'm glad Zoloft worked for you. Are you still on it?

Vee

Twiisty -
Ok - why does that sound SOOOO like me right now? Just a few minutes ago I thought again to myself -
That's gonna happen, I'm not sure how much time you have under your belt, but I still have my good/bad days...I just have to choose what to do with them.

I will not let thoughts of the exOW destroy my marriage. As mad as I am, I still love my H and I really want it to work. But right now, it's a big adjustment - have a baby, deal with a broken marriage, deal with an OC.
It's amazing what the selfishness of two people can do to so many others, isn't it? I can totally relate. It is an ajustment when a new baby arrives, regardless if it's your first or (in my case 5th coming on up!) <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> Are you pursuing Marriage counseling? If you are, that's a great step towards recovery. If not, try even to get some for yourself. Mr."T" and I went jointly and individually. I can say it does a world of help. I also counseled with Jenn Harley Chalmers too for one session and it gave me great perspective...the best money I spent on myself. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
As for dealing with OC...in our case we have No Contact. If you are not sure how you feel about it, don't do anything rash our out of guilt feelings. It's perfectlly acceptable to be a part of the child's life when you can handle it, just as it is perfectly acceptable to NOT be a part of that child's life. Right now, your main priority is for your mental health right now and making a secure environment for you and your marriage and new baby.

Whew! My H wants to have contact with the OC, but the exOW's mom is going to make it pure hell (excuse me ya'll) for that to happen.

Guess what? SURPRISE SURPRISE.... Ex-OW's mom doesn't have a say in OC's life...only your H and your H's ex-OW does...(and to some lesser extent you do too, if your H considers you to be. Mine did. He considered me in all decisions, but the decision of NC was his.) I don't know much about working with contact, that is not my area of expertise, but you can ask Stacia questions about that...she deals with an interesting situation and can give you valuable insight as well as others who have contact here can. What I can tell you, is before you and your H decide on contact, make sure both you and your husband are in enthusiastic mutual agreement on terms of pick-up, contact, etc. etc. and have a written policy of joint agreement. Work on it in counseling before jumping both feet into it. Make sure you both work together as a team and then ex-ow and ex-ow's mother can't make your life hell, because you won't allow it. Your life deserves to be somewhat peaceful and you both can work to achieve that. TOGETHER.

Anyway - at some point my IC will call me back about the meds. And I'm glad Zoloft worked for you. Are you still on it?

Yep, I'm still on Zoloft, even all through my pregnancy. It doesn't numb me to pain, but I can handle it better and not get too emotional and can think rationally and say to myself, "twiisty, you have to decide...are you going to let this woman rob you of any more peace?" and my answer is no, I won't allow her. She's moved on with her life, I am sure she doesn't lie awake at night thinking mean thoughts towards me...she's snuggled next to her new husband. She has one child to think about and she gets a hefty check from me and my family. All's right with her world. It's time for me to choose to forgive...and I have to do it over and over and work out my anger towards my husband....

I'm doing well and I have to say I do appreciate the extra "calmness" zoloft gives me. It's hard to explain what it does, but it doesn't alter your perception or anything...it just "helps".

Hope you and your H find the perfect solution that works for you and your family. Please don't do what I did and allow the OW to rob you of your first year of your baby's life. I do feel I missed certain parts of Bubba's babyhood due to this mess that my Husband and ex-ow created 100% together. If only people would think of others at times. I hold them BOTH 100% responsible.

As I'm always fond of saying, "there is no one size fits all in this kind of situation. What works for my family, may not work for you. You have to do what you and your Husband think is best for you and your child you have together."

Keep me posted, I'm interested in how you fare.
My son still nurses on occasion (will the child EVER wean? sheesh!) but he's one happy boy....could it be the extra benefit of zoloft? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

Hugs,
Twiisty

I have been on PAXIL for a year now and I feel much better. It is a serotonin inhibitor. I helps with depression and anxiety. I can't say I am overly happy but I can deal with the events in my life better. Check out www.paxil.com.
Good luck!

HELLO, I THINK WHAT THE MEDS DO FOR YOU IS HELP YOU COPE WITH THE SITUATION. THEY MADE IT EASIER TO GO TO WORK AND FACE THE OW AND H [WE ALL WORK TOGETHER I AM IN A DIF AREA BUT THEY WORKED DIR WITH EACH OTHER] BELIEVE ME IF I COULD SHOW FACE THERE THEY WERE WORKING. THEY DID NOT TAKE ALL THE EMOTIONS AWAY BECAUSE I STILL CRIED AND WORRIED WHAT WAS GOING TO HAPPEN TO MY LIFE. I ALSO HAVE 5 CHILDREN DURING THIS TIME 4 LIVED AT HOME AND MY FAMILY WAS GRIEVING OVER THE DEATH OF MY FIRST GRANDCHILD. THAT WAS ANOTHER THING THAT BROUGHT ME TO TAKING THE PILLS. THE BABY WS STILLBORN ON DEC 15 AND BURIED ON DEC 18 MY D LIVED WITH US AT THE TIME. HER H IS IN THE NAVY. ANYWAY MY D DAY WAS JAN 14 O1 THE DAY AFTER MY D WENT BACK TO ANOTHER STATE. I WANTED TO START GRIEVE COUNCILING WITH MY 9 YR OLD AND IT TURNED INTO OTHER COUCILING. i FELT THAT THIS ROBBED MY D AND MY FAMILY OF THE GRIEVING WE NEED TO DO. MY D ENDED UP ON SEV PRES DRUGS AND IN COUNCILING BECAUSE OF THIS. SO THIS A WAS GOING ON BEFORE THE BABY. H SAYS THE SEX WAS NOT UNTILL AFTER. THE OW WAS AT OUR HOUSE ON NEW YEARS EVE WITH HER H CELEBRATING THE NEW YEAR. MY D MADE A COMMENT THAT NIGHT THAT OW HAS THE HOTS FOR H. I LAUGHED AND SAID ONLY IN HER DREAMS. THATS HOW STUPID I WAS. SHE EVEN MADE A REMARK ABOUT HOW SHE DIDN'T CARE ABOUT THE BABY SHE LOVED HIM AND WAS GOING TO GO FOR IT! I HAD A LOT ON MY PLATE AS YOU CAN SEE SO THAT IS WHY I WAS REACHING OUT FOR ANY HELP I COULD FIND. I NEVER THOUGHT ABOUT FINDING IT ON THE WEB. I FELT THAT I WAS THE ONLY PERSON THAT WAS GOING THROUGH THIS. NOW I SEE ITS ALLMOST LIKE AN EPIDIMIC. TO END ON A HAPPIER NOTE MY D HAD ANOTHER BABY ON 12/4/2002 EXACTLY 1 YR LATER. I KNOW THAT SHE IS THE BEST THING TO COME INTO MY LIFE. SHE HAS BROUGHT THIS FAMILY SO MUCH JOY AND LOVE. I FEEL THAT GOD HAS GIVEN MY D AND HER H AND OUR FAMILY AN ANGEL. GOOD LUCK TO ALL OF YOU.

HI AGAIN, I DO MY BEST THINKING IT THE SHOWER SO THIS IS WHAT I CAME UP WITH. THINKING ABOUT ANTI DEP AND WHAT THEY ARE LIKE. I HAVE JUST QUIT SMOKING AFTER27 YRS. I TRIED TO USE NOTHING AT ALL AND THAT DIDN'T WORK. I WENT INTO NIC WITHDRAWL. I DECIDED TO USE THE PATCH. WELL THINKING ABOUT ALL THE QUESTIONS WHAT ANTI DEP DO IT REMINDS ME OF THE PATCH. PUT ON THE PATCH AND IT TAKED THE NIC CRAVING AWAY. NOT ALL OF IT BUT MOST OF IT. YOU STILL WANT TO SMOKE BUT YOU DON'T. TAKE YOUR PILL IN THE MORNING AND IT TAKES THE PAIN IN YOUR HEART AWAY,NOT ALL OF IT BUT YOU STILL WANT TO GO ON. YOU CAN SHOW YOUR EMOTIONS BUT YOU HAVE BETTER CONTROL. ANYWAY ITS BEEN 6 WEEKS SINCE I QUIT SMOKING AND YES I HAVE HAD 2 CIG SINCE I STOPPED THE PATCH THEY WOULD BE THE BAD DAYS A BS HAS TAKING THE PILLS. THE PATCH IS THERE TO GET YOU THROUGH THOSE ROUGH DAYS. PEOPLE SAID TO ME ONCE YOU GET PAST THE FIRST COUPLE WEEKS IT IS ALL UP HILL. JUST LIKE WHAT THEY SAID TO ME 2 YRS AGO ONCE YOU GET PAST THE FIRST 12 MONTHS OR SO ITS ALL UP HILL. I STILL HAVE MY CRAVINGS FOR A SMOKE JUST LIKE I HAVE MY BAD DAYS WITH MY BROKEN HEART BUT EVERYDAY DOES GET EASIER NOW. DOES THIS MAKE ANY SENCE??????? JUST A THOUGHT. OH YES AND THE BABY WAS BORN IN 2001. SEE YOU DO LOSE TIME

Here's an interesting question.....

Did any ex-ow's have to go on anti-depressants upon the break-up of their relationship with ex-mm's? I often wondered about that. Did any have to go on anti-depressants when their jerky ex-mm chose no contact? Some interesting points and insights here.....

(Sorry to come across as being catty, but I see a disproportanate amount of BS's on Anti-Depressants and wondered if ex-ow's or even WS's ever got on them? To me, being in my pregnant hormonal state, that showed me that some of the deepest damage was done to the BS. Just my two cents which doesn't seem to be worth much these days.....)

Hugs,
Twiisty
(whose kids didn't let her sleep in on her one day she could sleep in...so no offense to anybody, PLEASE!)

Sandra honey....could you please not use all caps. I'm almost 40 and it's super hard to read....Sorry.

I just don't feel like I'm coping like I should be. Maybe I am - and if one of you tell me, Give it Time, I'm gonna reach through this computer and throttle you!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Oh, and here's a good one....would we need these anti-depressants if we just dumped the [censored] (oh, I mean wayward husbands)

I've been reading more and more of some women dumping their husbands and they are happier than they've ever been......

Another bad day! Sorry Vee for hijacking! (That almost sounds criminal!)

A

Vee I was on prozac exactly 4 mos. after d-day....sera-fem was the name. My ob-gyn gave em to me.

It helped only to control your emotions. They do not make it all better.

I went off after 6 mos. as I gained weight and our son was getting married....lost 9 lbs in a month after going off...back to my 109lbs!(I'm only 5' tall...er short...)

It helped me through a lot of crap....ow/H fighting over visitation, lawyers, etc.

Do try them if you can't function on a daily basis.

Oh yeah, angelia.....time and prayers and counseling, not in that order will save the day.

Now settle down about that *time* thing, it makes us all crazy.

Sometimes WS needs time to figure out what they are doing to their loved ones by lying (to prevent further pain), and forgetting (to prevent further pain), and just are as confused as BS over the things that have happened because of their and ow stupidity....... go figure.....

Last but not least....Dr. Phil's two shows Wed. and Thurs were interesting. Ow's on first show....
BS and beggin H's on 2nd show. Read it all on dr phil's web site.

Ok, gotta go have dinner now.

love
Debi