Ok my UH and I have been separated for about 5 months(my choice), he is living with his parents and has had NC with OW (except running into each other at work, where he says he doesn't acknowledge her at all) for almost a year now. His parents were away this last weekend and my son and I stayed at their house with him. UH cooked me my favorite dinner and bought me some flowers, took us out for breakfast and I did my best NOT to talk about the A. Of course I slipped several times and asked questions about the A. After son was in bed, I couldn't help myself and I intiated sex! It was great (it always was-those are HIS words) but even DURING sex I was thinking of her and even asked "Is this how you kissed her?" "Is this how you touched her?" "Did you ever do this position with her?" HELLO!! I'm reminding HIM of HER during SEX with ME!!??!! AM I STUPID OR WHAT!! Of course this bothered him. Our divorce is next monday and I don't know what to think any more. My family HATES him, what kind of relationship could we have if I can't my H to family functions and have my family over for Christmas etc. Plus all I think about is if he REALLY loved me so DAMN much then he would have kept it in his pants!!! I can't get over what he did to me so its probably better to move on but then I look at my son and wonder if I'm making the right decision. HELP

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">but then I look at my son and wonder if I'm making the right decision. HELP</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">In general, divorce should not be a decision that you're really not sure about. Have you worked through some professional counseling or coaching in an attempt to reconcile the marriage? If not, then you probably should spend the time and effort to exhaustively investigate whether you can or cannot get over the betrayal.

I admit that I was not willing to go to MC until I saw that he was truely sorry and was honestly going to change his ways. He has been going to C on his own (so have I) but I just don't feel 100% ready to re-commit to him so I figured that C wouldn't be any good unless I was willing to put 100% effort into recovery. I'm in Limbo and it sucks but don't see how to get out of it. I can't commit either way to moving on or staying together. How do you ever REALLY recover from the pain and betrayal? How do you EVER love them the SAME again. I feel that I love him but it will never be the same wonderful naive love that we once had and I want that feeling with someone again.

thisisnotmylife,

I hate to be the one to say this... but I feel you NEED to hear it...
No matter if you stay or move on... You will NEVER completely regain your "naive" outlook on life, or love for that matter.
You have been hurt, deeply, by the man you love... and no matter what happens.. you may carry that pain on to whatever relationship you get into next, if at all.
Its called emotional baggage, and it never completely goes away.

Dealing with your pain, be it going to counseling, talking to an understanding friend, posting here or any other form of "getting it out" is all well worth it.
You are GROWING... learning to handle what life throws at you. But, the fact remains, this is a Life long lesson... however you choose to take it and where you go with your life.

Like I have said to you before, you need to take a little more time to decide what is RIGHT for your family. Don't rush into any decision... especially a divorce.

No, you are not sick for having those thoughts. I went through that in the early stages of recovery... and I am actually revisiting a lot of new curious wonderings now because I am pregnant with OUR child.
I have asked several times about how H felt about this or that... what he felt when exOW told him this or that about the baby... I am consumed with curiosity... not anger this time around, though.

Take time, thisisnotmylife, take time for you and your family... find the RIGHT path...
Do not let your extended family tell you to turn your back... Keep your thoughts focused on what is best for your IMMEDIATE family.

My thoughts and prayers are with you.
Stacia

To TINML

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Ok my UH and I have been separated for about 5 months(my choice), </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Our divorce is next monday and I don't know what to think any more.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">

I'm surprised you are able to get a divorce that soon especially after having sex with your husband. Where I'm from you have to be separated for 1yr with no contact.

I believe you should really think this through
especially when you just had sex with your H.