Son has to write his biography as an assignment that will take him several weeks... So, mom [that's me] has to take trips down memory lane... including the 3.5 years that we were "friends" w/XOW, when her children were son's best little friends, all over our family photo albums, videos, etc. Son doesn't know why Mom suddenly cut contact w/that family just before we moved overseas, and I have no intention of telling him now. He haven't gotten to those years yet, but will very soon and it makes me sick to my stomach and sad to think of it all again. I don't want son to think that my sad/bad feelings have anything to do with him, either. SIGH.

Just had to vent.
J
in recovery 4 years and glad I stayed

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Jenny}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

Hang in there! You can get throught this so much more smoothly than if this assignment came up 2 years ago! You have had all this time to heal, so don't consider it re-opening the wound. Think of it as maybe bumping an old scar! I know that I have one that is right at the level of some chairs or tables, and it doesn't really hurt when I bump into it! At least not any more that if I bump another part of my leg. Yes, it's history that you'd rather not re-read, but it's better than leaving it buried, and not admitting that it ever was there! Of course, I'm just offering my advice as to how to deal. Pray for peace while you help him with those years!

Love,

Tigger

(((((Jenny))))))

I guess you could focus on your son's friendship and not really count the other mess...but I know it's hard/weird etc. when it comes to having to remember or tell your child certain aspects.

Since Wild Bill decided on contact after 8 years of NC...my kids have come up with weird questions that are hard for me to answer....and I've tried to tell them the truth without bringing in the really "bad and ugly" parts. When they are older, they will get the truth from me. But for now, I tell what I can nicely (which is hard!)

I hope this won't be too stressful for you and like Tigger said, it's a scar that's less tender than it was before!

Let us know how he does on his project!
Hugs,
Twiisty

Jenny,

It's tough to revisit those memories, isn't it? I had my oldest son bring up the OM and his family a few weeks ago, and basically just deflected the conversation away from that. In my son's case, he knew that I didn't like the OM, but I don't think he's clued in to "why".

Another trigger I've had is that we currently are raising a litter of puppies. The last time we had puppies, my wife and I were separated, and the OM provided all the "support" for her in preparing for the litter (they met through the dogs...). We're using the whelping box that he build for her. There's a minor trigger there, but I get a big smile on my face when I think about the time where he rushed to help her deliver the pups---the b!tch ended up attacking him (not my wife---the dog... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> ) and he left needing stitches to his abdomen area. If only she had aimed lower...

And that momma dog had absolutely no problem with me being down with her puppies. She had remarkable taste... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Hope you work through it. These things really only send me a pang of pain for about 30 seconds now...

OMG K!! LOVE that dog!! Lower aim-LOL <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

Thanks for being upbeat guys... I'll let you know how it's going. I'm reminding myself that before Easter this whole assignment should be done! Maybe it will be good for me in the long run (yeah, right <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> )...

J

Hey Jen,
Hmmm... perhaps it's time to revamp your family photo albums!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I am sure you will come up with a way to explain why those people are no longer in your daily lives. One good reason is because you have relocated and everything.

Friendships change like seasons. Sometimes a "friend" is merely an acquaintance and not meant to be a really close friend. When we mix up those two things, we start feeling disappointed in our friends because they are not giving as much as we're giving into the friendship account. Both people need to be making deposits. When it becomes one-sided, to me, it's no longer a friendship. When someone doesn't appreciate the gifts you bring to the relationship, to me, that person has disqualified themselves for friendship.

Sometimes friends we think are true friends are not really true friends and we have to be able to forgive and move on so we can be open to receiving new friends. If we don't let go, we drag all that old hurt into the new relationships and we should give each new friendship a chance to serve its purpose and its season.

When God wants to bless us, He sends a person into our lives. When the enemy wants to destroy us, he sends a person into our lives.

We have to seek God's wisdom in order to be able to distinguish between the two...

Sometimes we just get plain blindsided by people we believed had good intentions... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

<small>[ March 14, 2003, 12:29 PM: Message edited by: BINthereDUNthat ]</small>

Binthere,
Thanks for answering. You're a sweety. :-)

So far I've coped by just referring to all the non-relatives as "friends", not discussing friends much, sometimes referring to XOW's children by name in a photo, but not making a big deal out of any one "friend" over any other.

It's too bad I can't speak more of the fun we had w/XOW and her children, how the XOW's daughter pretended she would marry my son, but there's no point in going there now... I don't want to get started on a bitter streak. I'm trying to focus on son and what HE did!

Thanks again,
J

Yeah... focus is so important. What we focus on will eventually shine through in our thoughts and attitudes and moods and words. There are way too many positives in your life to be wasting time on negative thoughts.

I'm praying for your family! Especially during this time with all the world events. Thank goodness there is no "warring edition" of the bible and a different version for peace time. God is the same all the time and He is able and willing to protect us and our loved ones. (((HUGS)))