I need to vent today & then figure out a game plan. Yesterday, my H picked our D up from daycare, came home & wanted me to get her bag ready because she was going to go for a ride with Daddy. I asked where they were going & he said to see her little sister. Ummm - ya'll I'm sorry, but I told him no, I didn't want her over the exOW's house, especially if I weren't going with them. I also explained to my H that he was going to keep the oc & our D separate as these were his words.

Well - all hell broke loose. I told my H that *I* simply was not strong enough for that type of contact & I didn't want my child near someone who basically robbed me of my 'normal' life, & my 'normal' pregnancy. I'm sure that one day she'll know she has a sister, but for me right now - I'm not going for it. I'm sure some will think me shallow & selfish - my H sure did. But I don't want my daughter near that woman. Has she called me to say she's sorry for her part in my pain - NO, have either of them sat down with me & said here's how this will work - NO. But everyone wants me to say - "Ok dear, take our D over to meet her new sister". I'm sorry - but I can't do that.

I also told my H that until I felt like my marriage was solid, and wasn't wondering if he & the OW still were sitting around planning my mental demise until I filed for divorce, I don't want my child near the OW. Also - my four month old D has a cold, so you want to take her with her runny nose to see a preemie? Not a good idea at all.

My H is still running around in fog world & I just don't think I can handle this mess. I guess to him because I do ask how the OC is doing that I'm somehow "honkey-dorey" fine with all this. I'm sorry - but this is not what I wanted out of life. For 3 years I have been walking around depressed, living with a man who can't separate love from sex, can't fathom that someone else besides him has feelings, and doesn't know the meaning of the word effort. I'm sick & I'm tired. On a TMI note - these 2 da** fools have screwed up my milk supply (I'm breastfeeding) and I'm sick of it!

My game plan is to get myself together finacially & get out of this mess. I don't think this is the life I'm cut out for. My love bank is overdrawn & my H knows it but could seemingly careless. Anyway - thank ya'll for letting me vent.

Vee

Hey Vee,

Can I have a "start life over button" too? Must be something in the air.

I am still nursing my son (yes, I'm 7 months pg!) If you want to e-mail me off list, ask Xaralel, as I want to offer you some tips that helped me when I was post-partum for two weeks when ex-ow called me and still trying to establish a nursing routine with Bubba.

Hopefully I'll hear from you soon, hang in there, if you still want to nurse, you can. My son hung in there and I'm doing all I can to wean the little fella!

Twiisty

Can I have a button too?

I think your reasons are fair/valid and h can go by himself if he wants? He should be more considerate of your feelings. Hang in there.

Take Care,
Butterfly

I agree with you 100% Vee, I'm feeling everything you are saying. You know I wonder do WS really get it, The pain that BS suffer from I believe they are either clueless or just don't give a da^^.

<small>[ March 08, 2003, 07:05 PM: Message edited by: MALC ]</small>

Dear Vee,

Hello there, you h is being very incondsiderate to you.First before even thinking you would allow this visit he should have talked to you about this. Isn't it great that he want his two worlds to be one big happy family.What was wonderful for him the A was the most devasting event in your life!!!!! He is so selffish.Just hang in there and stick to your morals after all your the one with them.Yes as the kids get older they'll eventually find out or be told, but it doesn't have to be rubbed in your face, since your not happy with it. And he's not going to be able to keep the two of you happy so he needs to decide where to focus his time and energy,and learn to deals with his guilt of what he caused!!!!

good luck
Jill

I agree with you and my mind has been telling me the same thing save up and move on. I would not let him take her around them either. He is acting as if everything is okay with his OC from A. You did right by setting him straight and I would do the same thing. I told my H if/when contact is made with OC after paternity is established then OC can come around me and my two children otherwise not contact with oc not even by him until paternity is established. He agreed and if I find out he has seen OC behind my back I will divorce his sorry a#$ because, that will mean he will never change and will always be deceiving me. God bless you. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />