H had a A that possibly resulted in OC. H at first felt concern for this, and wanted DNA testing and I think he still does. We are working on our M, and trying to bring happiness back to our lives. H is geniune in trying to help me recover from this. He knows this A was nothing to do with me it was all about him.

OW does not want me around the OC. She has expressed to him with me there, that if he stays with me she didn't want me involved OC. So she has decided no CS for her fears are if he pays then visitation is requested. I feel really bad about this makes me feel like a villian in someway. I don't want to be the cause of my H not seeing OC if it is proven to be his. I do love him that much. H keeps telling me I am not cause of him not seeing OC. That he only feels bad that it happened this way.

What should we do? Should we follow her wishes, and no DNA testing, no CS? Should we consult an attorney now without her knowing? Or should we wait and see what happens? She had even asked him to sever his parental rights, after she realized he wasn't leaving me. Why do OW do this? When they are having an A surely they should know that this could happen.

I know my H cares deeply for me because he would be long gone. We raised our children and there is no children in the home now. It is just him and I. We have nothing that makes us stay together so we could divorce very easily. But that is not what we both want. We want to try and make a go of it. We both feel very badly that this OC is not going to be around a father. The kind of visitations she wants is H only comes over to her house. That is not what we want if we are trying to re-build.

Crazylife,
First of all NO you are not being a "villian." The ONLY villians in this scenario are your H and the OW. Tough if she doesn't want YOU around. That was her intention when she was knowingly screwing YOUR husband and foolishly thinking she'd trap him with that kid. How pathetic that some women will resort to anything to satisfy their own selfish neediness. You and your H's first priority is YOUR marriage NOT her illegitimate child. As for child support...don't give her one thin dime until she has proven IN COURT that your H is the father. She wants a meal ticket? Let her cough up the money for the lawyers to fight for one. She had her shot...now it's your turn. Don't worry about her or the kid. That is NOW her problelm...there is a price to pay for stealing what's not yours and she will pay the rest of her self serving life. Even if your husband is eventually ordered by the court through DNA proof that the kid is his....the worst that you and your H will be stuck with is child support...that's a pretty empty victory for the woman who thought she'd win more. Take your life back, the kid is HER problem. You and your H brought your children willingly into this world, if she's decided to force one on him then she'll have to deal with the hell that will bring her. You and your H first...her and her problems last.

gee tyme
you didnt even read her post, she said she and her husband might want to be in the childs life.

The woman also said ow woman wanted no money and wanted them out of her life, that doesnt make her a money hungry person.


crazy life,
I dont know what state you live in or if ow is married, call a lawyer and ask a few questions, you have to make a decision if being in this childs life is best for you and for that child, dont disrupt a baby's life if you arent sure you can handle it.

Your husband can get rights and visits if he goes and files for paternity, depending on the laws of your state.
maybe she asked him to sever his rights because she dosnt want the turmoil of dealing with you or your husband for the next 18 years and thinks this would be easier for all, just a thought.
you can sign away visitation rights but mst judges will not let you sign away support unless there is someone willing to be the childs father waiting such as husband or fiance.

Mom of 5, I certainly did read her post. And what I interpreted her post to say is that Her angst is NOT that she wants to participate in the childs life but to not be seen as a villian for chosing her marriage and her life over the OC issues. She didn't say that she or her H choose to participate...but that the OW thinks that she is in the power seat...dictating policy should her H choose to have contact. The OW is NOT driving the bus, she's the third and unwanted wheel in a marriage that's trying to heal from the pain she helped inflict on it.

Crazylife,

You should find out what your state laws are re:paternity and child support. In SOME states the XOW can legally come back at any time for child-support (sometimes that includes all the BACK child-support for the years he "missed"!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> ). As already stated, your H can sign away his visitation rights but not his financial obligation (assuming DNA testing proves the child his first!).

I'd advise that you protect your financial interests and rebuild your marriage foremost.

If you and your H decide by policy of joint agreement (see the Harley Policies for a good marriage at this site! excellent!) that it is in your family's and the OC (child's) best interests to have visitation, then you can pursue visitation legally and XOW cannot stop it without illegally "disappearing".

Courts will uphold visitation, but I wonder how it will work out on a practical level. Nowadays the custodial parent is not suppose to tell the child bad things about the non-custodial parent or the courts might change who has custody (due to alienating the child from the other parent)!

However, do courts apply any protection to the child-step-parent relationship? Do you know what I'm saying? --The mother can make visitation a living hell if she wants to... it takes at least 3 mature people to make visitation work.

Our XOW makes it plain to child and us that I(wife) am the BAD GUY in the situation. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> Laughable if it weren't so sad.

Sorry for your pain. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> God be with you,
J
in recovery 4y; glad I stayed; no current visitation

<small>[ March 09, 2003, 05:37 PM: Message edited by: Jenny ]</small>