Yep, you read it right. Today is independance day for me.

I've had it with feeling angry over a situation I cannot control.

I cannot control a court system that doesn't consider me or my children. So I've decided to stop being angry and work on ways to push for leglislation to make it fair...(although that will be a difficult task as some have eloquently pointed out...it's mostly subjective).

I cannot control my financial situation, except take action where I have control. I'm looking into some things that might keep us from bankruptcy and will pursue matters to try to become debt-free. I can control spending and budgeting and will be working on that again.

I cannot control with ex-ow does, either to my family or to herself and her life. Therefore, I release myself to quit worrying about her and OC. They are their own problems as I have my own problems here. I have officially freed myself. I am consciously moving on. I have chosen to forgive, even though every fiber of my being screams in protest at times. I want to move on. I cannot let the root of bitterness take hold of me or take root in my life.

I delcare independence from mistrust and doubt. I need to take Mr."T" at his word, however painful it might be, I have to give him some form of foundation to start over again. I cannot continue to flog him when he's down. I, myself, will ruin my marriage if I keep hitting him in the face or rubbing dog dirt in his face. He has been tried, convicted and sentenced. He needs to work on parole now and I cannot convict him. I need to be on the Pardons board now and work towards a better future for me, him and our family.

I declare independance from resentment over "what my children could have/and/or/ lacking"....I will trust God to provide for us. We didn't have much, but now we'll be thankful for what we do have. This too shall pass and 15 years will move on and I want the memories of those 15 years to be more pleasant for my children, not one of bitterness from me.

I declare independance from future "what-ifs" that may never happen. I need to work on what's now with Mr."T" so that if and when or whenever the "what-if's" happen, we have the solid marriage and communication skills to make the best decisions to deal with the "what-ifs".

And finally, I delcare independance from the ex-ow's ghost herself. I refuse to dwell on what she did to me anymore. I've had enough. I will never like what she did to me or my family. I will never like the kind of person I think she is. I don't know her. I do know enough about her, but that cannot rule my life anymore. She's moved on and I will be moving on. She is a non-entity in my life. Just a person. She cannot control me. I cannot allow her to control my life, my thoughts or what-not. I will not know what she looks like for now and I will not worry about anything except getting her money to her for her child.

I'm finally deciding to put the saying, "life is 10 percent circumstances and 90% of what you make of it" into effect.

I'm adjusting my sails.

I'm tired of being depressed. I want to quit the zoloft.

I will continue marriage counseling to work on my marriage and communication with Mr."T".

I will continue to grow as a person.

I will continue to help Newbies.

But I refuse to wallow in my own self-pity or allow my anger to consume me.

I have offically declared independance today.

It feels great.

Twiisty

twiisty,

You have the strength and resolve to do this. The best to you in this new outlook.

OB1

P.S.
I like that saying...a lot! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

<small>[ March 10, 2003, 09:54 AM: Message edited by: ohbratti1 ]</small>

Congrats Twiisty...I wish you great success in taking YOUR life back. I wish you luck in emerging successfully from the financial chaos you're in, and more importantly, I wish you peace of mind and happiness in your marriage.

Twiisty,

YOU GO GIRL!!!!!!!!!

Love,

Tigger

***edited to add---sorry I missed you this morning!***

<small>[ March 10, 2003, 01:01 PM: Message edited by: tigger4jdt ]</small>

Dear Twisty,

Good for you!!!!!!! you most deserve it!! I just hope you are truly ready to forgive.Theres alot that goes with forgiveness, it's a process.I myself want to forgive my H for his A with possible OC,No DNA yet. I've been reading a book called"Forgiving the Unforgivable" By Beverly Flanigan. So here are my few words of advise to you. Forgiving is for the brave-willing to confront there pain-and accept permament change in there lives. To forgive someone,you must blame someone. And forgiveness is the rebirth of hope and dreams so once forgiving begins your hope and dreams can be rebuilt. keep up you spirits.You should lok into all your options protect whats yours, maybe filing for child support for your kids will help you out.Me and my H are trying to work things out but we really don't know our future so i made sure I filed for support before she had baby, bcz if H turns out to be dad he should pay, but i'll be dammed if it's being taken from our kids!!! If not I'd be fighting it in court. you'll make it through we all seemed to in someway or another!!!! happy Independance day!!!!!!!! and many , many more!!!!!!!

Jill

Very well said. If you don't mind I will take on that same attitude you have. I agree OW is history. I must learn to move on past this phase in my life and make the remaining years on this earth the best ever. Whether I am with H or not I refuse to dwell on the past. God bless you and thank you very much for your words. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Twiisty

I am very happy for you, and I really hope and pray that I can do the same. I try very hard to forgive h but things just keep coming in my mind about what h had done to our family.

Again, good luck and you are in my prayers. Please pray for me because I want to become strong just like you.

Twiisty,

Congratulations on your independence!!

I loved the way you wrote that out. I am going to make one for me with my own situation in mind. Lately I have been dwelling on the whole CS issue, etc, constantly worrying that OW will take us back to court when we are just making it. I am a SAHM so it is harder to make ends meet. Only have one baby though so I can't imagine how you do it with 4 and one on the way.

We keep getting threatening letters from the CS collection agency requesting we send a check for the $21,000+ back support. Like we have that kind of money. PLEASE. They take out money from his check for the back support so I don't know why they won't leave us alone. So stressful. (I have secret dreams of us fighting the back support since OW didn't file till OC was almost 3, but I know that won't come true)

Anyway, I need to make me a list like yours. I really liked it.

Thanks and good luck in all you do.