I have been here before but I lost my password. I will try to make this really short. The other day I ran into the OW and it got ugly. To get to the point I tried to beat the **** out of her!!! I did do some damage, but it took three people to hold me down and she kept getting away. I always told her don't let me ever run into you. I was really upset because it would have never happen if she would just stop being a b****. I really didn't even wanted it to happen. I try soooo hard not to let her get to me, but she just does. Yes there is OC but we have NC and yes my H pays child support. At this is point I don't know what to feel?? I'm mad at myself for loosing control, and letting her get the best of me. I know for alot of you feel that violence is not the answer. But what do you do ? When someone tries to take literly take your place and your H by having a child? I just don't know what to feel anymore ? By the way its been 1 year and 8 months from D day. I would like to hear some of your thoughts and don't hold back!

I've never really posted a reply, just asked questions, but here goes. Did it do you ANY GOOD at all to get out of control? I have thought so many times of confronting OW but have never even talked to her. So many times I wanted to call her and call her every name in the book etc. But I told myself I was above all that and I would never even utter a precious breath of mine to a s*** like that. I was just wondering if you regret what you did? I don't suppose it will help anything, but might give you some satisfaction. I just hope you don't get sued for it, cuz I'm sure she could press charges.

No, it did me no good to loose control like that, I'll agree with that. I do feel bad that I lost control. But oh,well. She could probaly sue me there was actually cameras in the parking lot. The reason I hit her first was because the person she was with grab me first and tried to push me. When I talked to my lawyer he told me I guess you tried to defend yourself? Yeah, something like that. Anyway too bad she thought I was just some regular old person she could just push around. Maybe next time she'll think and I'll stay calm. But I do think I was only being human for being MAD!!! Again thanks for the response and don't hold back.

I would think after this long of time, you would have a little more self control, I do hope you didnt have children with you to see this behavior.
I dont know how old you are, but you answered your own question, it was a bad idea, that might hurt you in the end.

next time walk away...

Celcal,

Well, it was definately not a good idea, that's for sure! You might possibly be able to claim self defense, but since it was the OW and not the person who grabbed/pushed you, it may not work!

I think that what you need to do is stick with your NC, and if you see the OW again, turn the other way! Your anger is understandable! I don't know what I would do if I ran into any of my H's xOW's! Especailly the last one! I don't know your whole story, as you said that you'd lost your password, and have re-registered, but just remember that "what comes around goes around"! Not only for what was done to you(A & OC) but for what you've done yourself! My H and I are living proof of that! It was a painful lesson, but well learned by us!

Now, as to how to deal with your feelings, you really need to just let it go! Stop dwelling on what the OW and your H did to your M, and start rebuilding that M! As your love begins to grow again, your feelings towards OW will dim! Unfortunately, this is something that will always be with you, but it is something that can become so small in comparison to everything else in your M! But, you have to work at it, it doesn't just come by some predetermined date! If you continue to dwell on your feelings about OW that 2 yrs of recovery will pass and you will still feel the same!

I hope that I have helped in some way.

Tigger

I'm 30 and no my kids were not with me. I really tried to avoid the sitution by leaving, but she followed me. I was just tired of all the mess. She thought she could ruin my life, harass ME, and then tried to harm me. It takes alot for me to get mad. She thought she could just keep messing with me. And I wasn't going to do nothing. Well I guess she knows now to let me be. I always told her not to let me run into her and when I did I TRIED to leave myself. I guess she wanted to see how far she could push me around. Anyway I know I was wrong, because now I feel wrong. Again thank you for the response and the replys. I hope I can move on. I have alot of anxiety problems and plan on starting therapy again. I also just started classes again so I am trying to move on. Again thanks for the response !!

Dear CelCal,

I am sorry it came to this. Do you carry a cell phone? Next time I would advise that if exOW starts a confrontation that you dial 911 and tell them that you are being threatened. I'll bet that exOW high tails it out of there.

MJ

If her friend grabbed you, I would say you were justifably provoked. That person was obviously acting on behalf of the ex. What led up to the friend coming into physical contact with you? Why on earth were you that close to eachother to begin with?

I remember when I was dating my H, a woman he worked with had a major crush on him. And everyone knew it. She tried her best to hook up with him, as far as I know, it never happened. Anyway, shortly after we were married, he and I went to breakfast one day and she waited on our table. Apparantly she had a side job as a waitress. When we paid our bill, she literally ran clear across the resturant over to cash register. She smiles and says hello. I just looked her strait in the eye, smiled and turned and walked out. Husband followed me like a puppy dog. That felt much better than if I had belted her, like I wanted to.

I personally would not have given her the satisfaction of knowing that you held that much resentment toward her. Sometimes silence is golden.

CM

I can understand loosing control when you see the OW. It has not happened to me yet but considering she is in the same circle of friends it will probably happen at some point. I have told my friends that I can NOT see her for at least 2 years because I seriously DO NOT know WHAT I would do to her and I DO NOT want to do anything to loose my son. I was lucky that my UH didn't press charges against me after I beat the $hit out of him in the parking lot where he and the OW work together. I KNOW I have SO much anger in me for her that I would probably beat the crap out of her but I don't want to give her ANY more control than she has already taken from me and I WILL NOT do anything to risk my son. She is actually lucky that I have a baby too or I KNOW I would have KICKED her @$$ big time.!!!!! I hope nothing happens to you in all this. Hopefully she will learn to let things go and leave the situation alone. Best of luck to you

celcal: I guess I have a different take on this than most other people. I think sometimes it isn't a bad thing for people to know you have limits and what could happen if they are crossed. This person has done a lot of damage, all legal, no real repercussions, not from society, or in probably any other way. She found out this week that there is one person that has definite opinions of her behavior and my guess is that she will avoid you like the plague from this point on. If it took 3 people to hold you down she won't want a repeat of it, she might not have help next time.

Yes, there could be legal repercussions, but I doubt it. No, it isn't a good idea to lose control, ever, but my guess is you won't ever have to again.....she isn't gonna mess with 'ya.

I'm sure that most people would disagree with me, but I think XOW learned a valuable lesson this week and might rethink her position on getting involved in other people's marriages.....some wives don't appreciate it!

Good for you. OW has pushed me to the point of no return also. Only I have not seen her and it would be in her favor not to ever see me. I do not condon violence however, you can be pushed to a point where anger takes over and you have no choice. For the future avoid any more altercations with but, good for you. I would love to beat the s$%# out of OW. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Well I want to thank everyone for the response and the helpful advice. I know with time things will get better, I just wish it would already happen. I had my lawyer send her a letter for trespassing,meaning she can't come around me or my H,where we live, place of employment etc. Maybe that will kick some sense into her. Anyway I thank everyone again.