I hate the fact that I can't seem to break free of this relationship. Even though I divorced my WS, we still see each other and talk about reconciliation. I have met and spent time with the OC. But, my XWS still has the OW and OC living with him. OC is 9 months old and has Down Syndrome. Haven't gotten DNA test to prove if it is XWS or not. "Something" always seems to come up. In the meantime, he says he feels that he can't just put her and the OC out on the street if it is his child. My X is 48 years old and the OW is 22 years old. She doesn't have a job but receives social security due to the baby's condition. He constantly talks about how miserable he is living in that situation but does nothing to get out. He says that they have nothing in common and that he really wants to build a life with me. Bottom line..... Nothing changes. I have tried "no contact" but either he or I break it. What in the world is wrong with me???? I've never had a strong sense of self-esteem, but I would have never guessed that I could let things go this far. On the otherhand, I'm so-o-o tired of feeling bad about myself, I don't really need myself as another "enemy". Anybody ever struggle with this?? HELP!!

You are not alone e-mail me at
phattodef1031@aol.com

Lily,
Believe me, you are not alone. I deal with this every day.

When my WS left 6months ago to separate we also saw each other almost every day, or spoke to each other. He would spend weekends here in the beginning when our children came home.

But in the end, what it came down to was WS was a conflict avoider, still fence sitting. Not willing to make a choice, and still seeing OW.

All it did for me was give me false hope for a reconcilliation. Now WS has moved in with the OW and OC, and our divorce is just weeks away.

I understand completely how you are feeling, my self-esteem has been shattered. My marriage has been my life for the past 27 1/2 years. And up till the time the divorce is final, I still have hope that somehow we will reconcile. But as long as he is living with the OW, that will never happen. He never allowed himself time when we separated to figure out what it was that he wanted. That is why I feel hurt the most, he never really gave this separation a fair chance. But then our children are grown, and here is the OW with his 2OC under the age of 4. And there is a big age difference with WS and OW also.

Tina

lilymarie,

One book which helped me during the first year of recovery is The Courage to Be Yourself: a woman's guide to growing beyond emotional dependence by Sue Patton Thoele.

What your H and this woman has done is NOT your fault; you are NOT the "bad guy". Please take good care of yourself at this trying time.

God be with you,
J

Thanks to all for your support!! This can be a mighty lonely journey! No one seems to understand it quite so well as others who have been there.