Hey all,
My husband has to go for cs settlement conference. How wise is it for me to accompany him? I don't know whether it's a good idea or not.
Fooled1.

If it were me, I wouldn't miss it for the world...for many reasons.

1. To present a united front
2. To get all the information firsthand so there is nothing lost in the translation
3. On the off-chance that you may have an opportunity to influence the outcome
4. Because you love your spouse and doing this is an excellent way to show your support, involvement and willingness to work with him through this ordeal.

It won't be fun, but it is your business and right to know what is going on since your life will be altered forever because of all this.

Be strong (you can do this!), be dignified and look devastating.

Catnip =^^=

<small>[ March 21, 2003, 12:22 AM: Message edited by: catnip ]</small>

So, what happens at these things anyways? So far we haven't had any contact with OW or OC - I don't know is she wants OC to be involved with us. I don't know if I am ready.

Hi! H and I are in phase 1. We went to the 1st appt. to establish paternity and OW did not show up. She was sent a second letter to appear next Tuesday. I did however, observed the people that were there for 2nd time. They were showing income information and going over the income I guess from both parties. From their I guess they established payment arrangements. I reside in Missouri however, OW resides in Illinois so that is how they handled it. We are awaiting Tuesday for results if she shows up. Good luck to you. I hope this gives you some input.

If you show residual income, they may try to divert it toward CS so please, please, please, make sure to show that every penny is being allocated on your family's expenses in every way...

fooled1,
Has there been a DNA test to prove paternity?

If not, then that will be the first thing that the courts want to have done. If done throught the court system it is a bit cheaper than if done privately.

That said, after the DNA test (if it comes back + that the child is your H's) they will want to know your H's income, possibly his earning potential and possibly his assets. There are many variants of the CS formula across this country of ours but it usually comes down to "How much" money the non-custodial parent makes.

My H and I filed to establish paternity and legitmate the OC, Lil Bit, before her birth. Then following the +DNA, we filed for custody. There is much to our situation that is different from many here, yet it is much the same.

Through the court system, we have been given a large portion of parenting time with Lil Bit. And because the court ordered time ratio is extremely close, there is no CS.
I was involved with the entire process from the beginning, because as it has already been stated, to show the court and the exOW that H and I were a UNITED Team... and we showed a UNITED FRONT. The judge/referee in our case even spoke to me as to how I felt about the Parenting time and all. Very considerate, in my opinion. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I suggest checking your state's CS laws. It can be easily researched on the 'net.

Don't let anyone tell you NOT to go. If YOU want to go.. GO.. As Catnip mentioned, it is your business, your life is being affected and you should know first hand what is going on.

Hugs to you, fooled1.

<small>[ March 22, 2003, 10:49 AM: Message edited by: Stacia_Lee ]</small>

Fooled....

I went with H to court however was not allowed in the hearing office. I was only allowed to sit in the waiting room. That's okay though...at least I was there.

She has the state appointed attorney with her and we have ours with my H.

If there are any weird circumstances to your case, I would suggest an attorney. I think I would suggest one anyway.

Good luck to you.

I was told NOT to go and I regret not going. I wasn't too pleased with H's attorney (posted some of that junk in past posts re:atty.)...if I could do it over again, I'd have gone.

Much for the same reasons that others have told you, to present a united front etc.

God forbid, if there is any more in the future, Mr."T" agrees with me, he thinks it's best that I go with him.

I plan to.

It is a wise idea to get an attorney. I know some of the guys that Mr."T" worked with that got reamed by the court system thinking they could represent themselves.

Hope it all works out for you in a fair way.

Twiisty

Thank you all for your responses. Paternity has been established already. As I said, at this time I have no interest in helping out with OC - OW and H have not communicated in over 6 months. OC is a little over a year old. The OW is someone I know - but we were not close. I kinda feel weird having to meet her right now.

Hi Fooled1,

You need to do whatever it takes to protect yourself,you need to be there so you know about everything, always try to have a heads up, after all it's your future! My H had and A with possible OC , who should be about 2 months, but haven't heard fom OW ,but when the time comes I'll be there to she H thru it all, not sure what road we are going down, but I will protect my kids til the end, even if it turns out to be H's I do feel he should pay, but not a cent more then he has too!!!! so hang in there and good luck!!!
Jill

I was talking to someone who advised me not to go because my income might come into play when the CS is being calculated. Is that true? We have other kids that we are responsible for, so I don't know how this plays out.

Fooled1

Fooled,
Well, it all depends in the state were you live. Here my income would not be considered. Most states your income would not be considered. It is the father's and mother's income that they take into consideration.

Dawn

This is just an update on the CS settlement my husband went to. OW wanted my income to come under consideration, but H stopped all of that. I didn't go with him. In a way I am glad I didn't. OW inquired into how I am doing (I thought this was very funny, considering the situation we all are in). Still don't know how involved I want to be with OC, don't know whether I want to at all.

Your income wouldnt be considered unless the laws of that state considered it. Most do not.