my husband filed for joint custody of OC (age 3, been involved since birth). We were tired of doing things on the xOW terms. So far just temporary visitation and CS has been set up. He was given very generous visitation. We have the OC 3 days/nights per week. The judge approved our lawyers request that all pick up drop offs be done at daycare. It has been a blessing not having any f2f contact with the xOW since we went thru the courts.

our lawyer says there is a very good chance that he could get joint legal custody. He says our judge rarely gives a parent sole custody unless there is abuse.

We have been thinking though of settling with the xOW. It has been a major relief not having her in our lives. If they shared joint custody then she would even have more of an excuse to have contact with him.

Is it worth it sharing custody? My H says he could handle just having visitation but he feels if she had sole custody it would give her too much power. I say joint custody is not worth the paper its printed on if both parents can't cooperate. My H said he wants to do what makes me happy. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

The xOW is very bitter even after all this time. She really thought they were going to have a life together. I'm getting off topic but any advice?

I think in most cases, joint legal custody is pretty standard... I think stacia and her husband have joint legal and physical custody of lil bit.
How ever having joint legal custody doesnt always mean you share child half and half, it can mean, you have generous or standard visitation, and that you can pick up child in a public place if parties are not able to do this maturely. Sometimes it isnt possible.

Do what you think is bast for the child. after all what ever decision you make on this effects that baby forever, make sure you are really intrested in trying.

our situation is different in that neither of us wanted to go to court for several reasons, so we came up with an agreement that was a good thing for all of us and our child. Om doesnt spend much of any of his money, and my daughter has no over nights with them, we dont have the drama any more, no more crap, it has worked out quite nicely. WE worked it out with his schedule , my husbands schedule. SO both of them are happy for the most part. OM and my husband sat and made all these agreements, although both knew what I wanted and I would have to agree before we signed any thing.
good luck

thank you momoffive. My H would like to have 50% physical custody but its very doubtful. We have more than the standard visitation. Our lawyer says when all is said and done we would have the OC about 40% of the time w/the xOW having physical custody.

The judge already said we could have OC for 6 full weeks this summer. I think the visitation has already been established.

The xOW has so much anger and it comes out. All she wants to talk about is the past and talking to her is very unproductive and a total waste of time. She also liked to play games with the visitation. Now that the visitation is court ordered she can't do that anymore. If she had legal custody then she would make the decisions and we would not have to deal with her. OTOH if the OC gets sick I know my H would want some say on the medical care. There is also education and religion. Just so much to consider.

AngelaZ,

As Mo5 stated, H and I have Joint Physical Custody of OC, aka Lil Bit, and she is 20 months old.

We also have a generous amount of Court Ordered “Parenting Time” which actually totals 51%, Wednesday evening at 7pm through Sunday Morning at 9am, but the exOW has had trouble with the Sunday time.. so it has been agreed, mutually, to change the time to noon, also increasing our percentage of time.

We have been involved with Lil Bit since she was 5 wks old, only because we waited for the DNA test results.
We had a rough time in the beginning because of the stereo-typical OW mind games that were being played at the time. (I use the term “Stereo-typical" because, Thank heaven not all OWs are the same, we have some wonderful former OWs here, and GOD KNOWS I wish ours was one of them <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> )
But the exOW in our situation is not a stable parent. Her volatile history is proof of that, and I truly believe that the Referee (judge) felt that it was very important for Lil Bit to have some stability in her young life.

Our petition for full custody has yet to be fully addressed in court. It is just in the courthouse filing system in limbo.

As far as Medical Care is concerned, in our case we were told that we must keep the same Pediatrician that exOW already had. In the beginning, exOW was always late with vaccinations and such, but when we began taking Lil Bit ourselves we got her caught up and exOW no longer takes her to the Dr.. its all H and myself…. ExOW also claims to have quit her job, 3 months ago now, and has no insurance on Lil Bit. H and I both cover her, so there is no more worries about her not having coverage.

Considering you have been involved with the OC from the beginning AND having such a generous visitation allowance, court ordered, I don’t see why the Judge wouldn’t grant Joint Physical Custody and continue the limited contact between you, H and exOW.

If you must have f2f contact with her, I suggest having exchanges in a public place, somewhere there are video cameras that should any altercation take place it is easily documented.

Good Luck, and if you would like to talk further about this we can continue to talk on the board, or you can get my email address from Justuss, one of the moderators.

Thank you so much for the offer Stacia. I question the mental stability of the xOW in my case. I can't say she is a bad mother but she has such illusions. Its gone from being sad to down right pathetic. She thinks we owe her something.

As far as getting 50% custody our lawyer is not so hopeful because the judge did not give it to us at the temp hearing. We are just thrilled with the amount of time we have. It would be great if she could live with us full time but the xOW would never allow that. She about s*** her pants when when the judge ordered 3 days per week and 6 weeks this summer. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

As far as medical appointments go we have never taken her. The xOW always said my H was more than welcome to come but not me. Sorry but that will NEVER happen. She has tried countless times to find ways to bond with my H over their child. I guess she likes lots of rejection. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Hello,
I am not sure but her in Wisconsin if you a child for 40% of the time then it is consider joint custody. Joint custody here means having some sort of vistation set up. So, it seems to me that you have joint custody and that your CS should reflect all the time you have OC.

Now, Physical placement is different. It means that you share in the decision making of the OC like schools and religion. Is that what you mean?

Dawn

In my state the more you have the child the less CS you have to pay. My H pays very minimal CS because of his large time share. If we had no contact he would be paying A LOT more child support.

It's my understanding that joint legal custody means that all medical, educational, etc, decisions will be made jointly.

Whoever has physical (residental) custody has the child the majority of the time. For it to be joint physical you must have equal time in my state. I don't think 40% is considered joint physical in my state.

We don't have any child support at all in our case.
The time share being what it is, there is no reason for it.
Back in Aug, exOW needed a sitter. So considering it would be easiest on Lil Bit, we offered to become the daycare for her as well.
ExOW jumped at the chance! She thought she would be dealing with H.. but no.. alas, she must now deal with me! (And still does)
Had the DayCare situation stayed in place as it was before exOW quit her job, we would have filed for some sort of DayCare costs. Seemed a little off balance when we had her the majority of the time and exOW got Free Child Care.

Its only right.

hello,
So, you want shared Physical placement? To be in the decision making process? I guess here in Wisconsin 40% would be indeed consider shared physical placement. also, it is the same for CS if you have the child for 110 days CS will go down and depending how much if you have the child too.

If you want to be in the decision making I think you can just put it in when you go to court and see what they say.

Dawn

<small>[ March 24, 2003, 10:49 PM: Message edited by: Dawn71 ]</small>