Thats a fair statement, I would be happy to answer.
I think adoption is a wonderful thing, I have an adopted child, she lived a life of foster homes and had more homes than you and I could imagine before she was three, and always given back, or abused and taken away. I love her and we are blessed to have her. I again agree adoption is a great and wonderful thing for someone to do.

If e29 said she and her husband wanted to give the child up for adoption and they both felt, they could not love, provide, give this child what he/or she needs. Then I would say, God bless you and I hope and pray someone will come and love that child and treasure your unselfish gift...

My problem comes from people thinking a mother should give up a child in order to save the op's marriage, or thier own, when they could not live with that decision had it been made, and pressure is a bad way to make that choice.
My husband did not ask me to give my child up for adotion, he thought he might be able to convince me to abort, because I am so pro women..[although not a choice I would make for me]
He knew he could not ask me to give her up, because he knew I would not be able to live with giving her up. so he didnt try.
Om tried to, got me paper work and every thing, his reasoning, is that it would make his wife not trust him and he and i could no longer go and do what we wanted, and of course having a baby, I would most likely spend more time with the baby than him. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> what a selfish ignorant thing to say and a wake up call for me.. I knew I might be alone, but would not give my child up for any one, I had made my decision that I wanted to be with my husband, and if he left I would work on getting him back.. I was lucky he came back. But to give up my children for any one is not something I would do and I think if someone gave a child up when they really didnt want to just to save the marriage, it would be doomed any way, because sooner or later, resentment would surface, and it would have to be dealt with, and it might be in secret behind your back..
just my thoughts and what was right for me, I am not saying adoption is a bad choice, but it is obvious to me, e29 plans on keeping her child.

But adoption only because your spouse demands it, is not the way to fix a marriage..

Yup---demands (or unenthusiastic sacrifices) are rarely good for marriage.

Brainstorming, safe negotiation, and the successful use of the POJA are...

mo5,,,,,,, thanks for the reply. i understand your explanation exactly and i couldn't agree more.

funny i also put pressure on fh in the beginning to abort as she is also pro choice. another reason was that we had supported our daughter to abort when she was 15. the reason was that it would be to hard on her at such a young age. well i [censored]-U-MEd that since this would be so hard on our marriage that justified the choice. pops

Just so you know, when my husband told me do it or else, I was dying in side knowing I would lose him, but I still could not sacrifice my child for that. I just was not able and would grow to hate him if I did.. I knew this and I knew I would rather not have him than hate him.
He at first took that as a sign of not loving him, it wasnt that. I just knew I could not do that. He understnads it now, it is hard at times, but it will be ok, I am sure of this now. I wasnt a few years ago. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

mo5,,,, it is amazing to me how so many of your feelings are so similar to those fh has expressed to me. she also told me that making a choice between her baby and grace was killing her her. just interesting that's all. pops