I thought it was time to start a new topic since the old one has so many messages. If you want to know my story check out; Husband too Busy with Babies.
I have no choice but to let go. My husband made that decision and hanging on only pushes him away. I am trying to make the most of my life. I have been doing fun things with my sons and friends. I called Bill Ferguson and talked to him. He is the author of How To Heal A Painful Relationship and Miracles Are Guaranted. His advise is powerful and he said he thought I was in good shape. There are things that I need to do that I can't make myself do. I went to EX-Pose, former military spouses meeting. It was very helpful. I need to contact lawyers and talk to them just so I know what I need to do. My husband has a lawyer and had a seperation agrement written up but he never has given it to me. I can sue him for adultery and abandonment. He knows that and doesn't deny anything. HOw can he? Also there is an expert lawyer in this area that on the alienation of affection law where I can sue OW. I pray for reconcilation but all this other information falls into my lap without much effort on my part. WH and I talked briefly and he said that he wants to be there for the babies. He wants to put them to bed at night and be there when he wakes up. I said will that be the most important thing 10 years for now. He thinks he is doing what is best for them and him. He feels like our sons will eventually come around. I just don't think he is thinking clearly. I said it should be who he loves more, OW or me. He thinks he doesn't love me because if he did he wouldn't have done this to me. Well, I have done plenty of research and he has remained stuck in the fog. I talked to my estranged mother-in-law about other matters. She has been supporting her son and admires OW. Maybe she is seeing things more clearly because she said, "Continue to fight the really good fight. We love you." He son is just a puppet for OW. He is so busy doing what a mom does. I question her mothering skills. I guess that is what you get when a busy career woman with one hand trapes a married man, 15 years older and manages to trick him into having children. She made her own Camelot. Now she has a cook, housekeeper and babysitter. WH still comes over and helps out. We went to a civil war battlefield yesterday for our sons project. We had a good time but he had to get back to buy clothes and shoes for the kids and repair the commode. He spent more time with us than he was allowed and on the way back home OW called to see if he was coming. I must go for now. I will be glad to hear from my friends on this discussion board.

sounds to me you have done alot of thinking. I believe I told you this once, This is not your doing if he chooses this life, he is the only one to blame if it doesnt work out.
This is what he wants so why feel sorry for him. He is old enough to make decisions for him self, after all I believe he served alot of years in the military.
Take care of your self and start looking out for you and working on your life, He may wake up when you no longer have sympathy for him and his troubles.

I'm not sorry for H. He seems to think showing affection makes it harder for me so he tries to not to. He says things to imply that any man will do. I have never been with anyone except my H. I wouldn't just jump in bed with any man. He says it isn't right for us but I say that I have all the rights if anyone does. I am still his wife. I am not saying he is having his cake but I miss the cake. Get what I'm saying. I have been told I will not have any trouble finding another man. I guess it is really too soon but I really miss not being loved. I wonder if H would really not mind. He has never been given the chance. Anyway, I do not demand anything and act as a friend. I don't beg or whine. I am just trying to play it cool and keep him guessing. In the meantime OW keeps him on a short leash. Wake up man!

I can understand why you dont want to move on, believe me, I have wondered why I havent stayed gone for years, simple truth is I love him and believe I can eventually have the marriage I want, after all, I lived more than half my life with this man.

I am not sure I could be strong if he was living with another woman..But I can understand his urge to be there for the babies. I am curious by being available do you enable him to be able to live there and still see you when he needs to talk. Maybe he doesnt feel he needs to make a permenant decision.. just thinking out loud...