Good Day,

I am new to this and I am unsure of abreviations, therefor please forgive all the spelling. With that said, I would like to say that I believe that it is requisite that we as Men must remain totally committed in totality to our God, Wife, and Kids in that order. I believe that if it is not a good time to move forward for the wife that the affair having man should respect that the spirit of the Lord may be working within his wife. Further, I understand that people want to support going to the OC, because of innocence, but is the victim also not the wronged spouse? I do believe it to destroy more marriages to place emphasis on OC than on Marriage at hand.

I am sorry to get on the soap box, but I am that man that committed Adultery and I am so resentful, regretful, reticent and generally repugnent for the many infidelities that I committed. I hope more than anything that my wife and kids find it in their hearts to forgive me daily, so that I may take up my cross for Jesus and my family and be the man that I was MEANT to be... Jesus has provided the most wonderful family to me for my situation, but I must remember to place my faith and trust in him... also, I must be UTTERLY faithful in everyway to my wife... she did not choose this, I DID... It is my fault and not hers... It is just important that she know that I am here to become the man that she deserves and could never deserve... I dont bear the allusion that I could ever be something that my wife does not deserve, yet I know that with the faithfullness of Christ: I have been washed clean as snow and I will be the man that he set forth for me to become.

It is with this that I must say... I WILL FIGHT EVERYDAY TO MAINTAIN, GROW, AND BLESS MY FAMILY EVERYDAY IN EVERYWAY!!

Thank You for reading this and I welcome comments and questions

Father of myfamilyof5

<small>[ April 07, 2003, 12:27 AM: Message edited by: myfamilyof5 ]</small>

Hello,
Sorry to say welcome! It sounds like you are truly remorseful and that says a lot. Also, a lot of people here have no contact with OC. Have your read the principles on this site? It says that you should put your marriage first before OC or even your own children.

Dawn

<small>[ April 07, 2003, 09:11 AM: Message edited by: Dawn71 ]</small>

Welcome to MB, myfamilyof5!

I do have a question for you. You said that you regret "many" infidelities. I was just wondering what kept you going back to repeat your infidelity and what was the switch that turned on your feelings of repugnance and remorse?

Hi
Sorry you are here, but glad you are reaching out.
I agree with you God wife children of the marriage comes first. Marriage come before OC always.

Good Day/Evening/...However God Find's You.

I would like to start by saying thanks, and that I appreciate the replies.

It has been my experience that many so called christian forums are really forums that do not respect the most basic of tenant of christianity, even outside of denominationalism. In any case, I would like to say that I appreciate your honesty and pointing out the tenants of this site. I am not new to the website, been going through as a guest for almost two years now, finally got fed up with a couple people saying that they thought that a man should be able to leave a marriage for the OC... as I have expressed, this is just amoral, as I see it.

As for my Many infidelities, I did not have a one night stand, I was in process of leaving my wife when I had my productive affair(OC) and I regret more ever wanting/thinking/pondering about me...
I was too wrapped up in me to see the beauty, splendor, and majesty of God not to even mention the faithfullness, honesty, caring nature, need I go on... in anycase i was too wrapped up in me to see the aforementioned in diapers, wipes, fights, and most importantly my wife and life together. I thought I had made a mistake, BOY WAS I WRONG.

WELL TO SAY THE LEAST I WAS WRONG... so I begged forgiveness of my wife, for the first of many times... she took it one step at a time making the requirement that i start attending/involving myself in church. well finally i spilled every bean that i had held... I WAS RELIEVED!!!!! and the healing started.,

as for what has kept me out of another man's future wife's bed is that I realize that I am a sinner and that i am going to be tempted. I also have come to realize that I have much more at home that any man that I know. and I more than anything now, Love my wife. I guess the big thing is that it says in the bible love your wife as yourself... I did not love myself, I found myself repugnant, devious, malicious, etc. and so how could i love my wife at all.

i now realize that i must and do allow God's love to trump any card I am holding. so basically I attend my small groups, pray with my wife, hold her even when i am wrought with dispair about our situation, and most of all i try to see nothing but the good in her, she is my wife, which i now know to be mate, friend, lover, and most importantly gift from God!

Father of MyFamilyof5
God Bless You and Yours

<small>[ April 12, 2003, 12:07 AM: Message edited by: myfamilyof5 ]</small>

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I guess the big thing is that it says in the bible love your wife as yourself... I did not love myself, I found myself repugnant, devious, malicious, etc. and so how could i love my wife at all.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Wow, you hit that nail right on the head.

My prayers for you, your wife, and your marriage.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Alright here goes, (absentee father side)

I made the unfortunate mistake in
a. having an affair
b. believing my vasectomy meant I did not need to worry.
c. choosing a degenerate woman

so here goes,

i believe that the child has the right to both parents. I believe that I as the father, should have the right to know and raise my daughter. I further believe that she will have a much higher likelyhood of doing all the things that we as parents seek to prevent. She needs my values in her life, she needs to know that she is NOT a mistake, she needs to Know that she IS Worthwhile.

I hope that I get to see her more that twice a year, but the way it is going right now, it does not look that way. so i am an nocontact father not by choice but by our Wonderful Legal design. and I believe MY DAUGHTER WILL SUFFER FOR THE LACK OF ME IN HER LIFE!

father of myfamilyof5
GodBless and Keep You

</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I find it funny that you spout all your christian beliefs and then call the woman you created a child with a degenerate woman.
She is no worse than you , except the mother is taking care of her child, with out the man who created her, and you dont say why you only see the child twice a year, but if it is a legal reason, that wouldnt happen unless it was for the benefit of the child.

and I dont recall any one saying a man should leave his marriage for a child on this site.. I do recall a few thinking[and I am one] That a man should take care of the children he produces or stop producing.
and if you go around calling the childs mother names, I dont think you have any business around her any way, how is that teaching your child love and christianity.. IT ISNT. It is hypocritical IF YOU BELIEVE ALL YOU SPOUTED ABOVE why do you think nc is such a good thing ? And if you really believed you were so important to your childs uture yu would find a way to be in her life.

by the way I dont think no contact is a bad thing. I do think telling your husband it is the child or nothing is a bad ultimatum and might just back fire on yu with more lies and a man sneaking to see a child he created. But if it is a mutual agreement, with no pressure and they want NO contact. Then not only are they better off but so is that child, why have people not capable in your childs life.

<small>[ April 12, 2003, 06:43 AM: Message edited by: mom of five ]</small>

TO Mom of Five

I understand that i did not include my reasons for such declaration, but yet they are present.

thank you for pointing out my strong distaste for OW the other night. I wish you well, as this has be an awakening of how i wish to be treated.

I will not be apologizing to you as you are not the victim in any of these situations, yet I will wish you more wisdom in future demonstrative replies.

Father of MyFamilyof5

I didnt seek an apology nor do I need to give one. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> I actually dont consider myself a victim. But neither is om, we were two adults who made a choice.

So now we share a child, which is not a tragedy in our eyes either. But a truly blessed little girl. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

MO5
There you go again if he wishes to call the women he was involved in degenerate so be it. He's venting, he's allow to do that why are you taking it so personal?

I commend him. what's wrong he's not glorifying OW enough for you.

Even though he speaks of God he's human maybe there is a reason he called this women this also he reconize himself what he was during his A.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> found myself repugnant, devious, malicious, etc. and so how could i love my wife at all. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">

He never dismissed what he felt about himself. I see this as a personal attack what is your MOTIVE mo5

I see whenever someone defends theretake on a certain issue that doesn't agree with you, you jump in with both feet first leaving your brain else where. You need to stop leave him alone let him vent he's talking about his situation, not you unless the shoe fits your feet, than I can understand why you got angry.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">and I dont recall any one saying a man should leave his marriage for a child on this site.. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">

I get that impression when some people rant, OC should be a priorty before the Marriage. It's not alway's what a person say it what they don't say. In so many words there are some that feel a marriage should take a back seat to the OC. I personally feel, that is some OW veiws. So he didn't get the wrong feelings. I feel the same way and I bet others feel the same.

<small>[ April 13, 2003, 05:31 AM: Message edited by: MALC ]</small>

malc
first all I said is he sounds hypocritical. and he does. HARD TO SPOUT RIGHTOUSNESS AND crap in the same breath. and ,malc It wasnt adressed to you, however since you have been seperated from your husband for 5 or 6 years, do you not find it difficult to hold on to something like this and I have to wonder why you dont move on and make a new life for your self . I am sure their is somthing better for you out there.

I dont think any one says oc or chidren of the marriage should come before marriage, Just that men who have babies should do what they can for them and take responsibility for them, not too complicated is it ? I dont even think my choice is right for every one, it is different for every situation. But I find it very funny to hear someone talk of god and how rightous he has now become and spout something that is definately unchristian by most standards. On one hand he says he needs to be in his daughters life, but because of the legal system he only sees her maybe twice a year.. You dont find that odd ? HE DIDNT SAY BECAUSE HE LIVES THOUSANDS OF MILES AWAY AND HE DIDNT EXPLAIN HIM SELF AT ALL, JUST wanted to talk about how he has become a great man. but thanks for your intrest

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">however since you have been seperated from your husband for 5 or 6 years, do you not find it difficult to hold on to something like this and I have to wonder why you dont move on and make a new life for your self . I am sure their is somthing better for you out there. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">

Mo5 me being separated has nothing to do with what we are talking about here. We are talking about how you jump down this poster throat for sharing his veiws about his particular situation.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I dont think any one says oc or chidren of the marriage should come before marriage, Just that men who have babies should do what they can for them and take responsibility for them, not too complicated is it ? I dont </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">

Mo5 everyone is entitled to deal with there situation as they see fit. Now some people here choose NC but there still pay CS isn't that taking responsibilty. Now if a couple chooses NC that's there choices and they shouldn't be ridiculed for there choices. Apparently they choose what works for them the same in MFO5 case.

If he choose to call his exow a degenerate so be it, If he only get to see his child 2 times a year thru legal technicality That's is the choice all parties involved have to live with.
If he choose to put his marriage and children first by all means he's in the right place. He's not being hypocrital he made ammends to God his wife and children what so hypocrital about that.

Oh I get it MFO5 didn't make OW & OC a priorty he's doing exactly what he is suppose to do by GOd himself and his marriage.
That's the only person besides his wife and children he's accountable to first anything else is secondary since they came in the equaision secondary.

MFO5 is remorseful he went through the courts doing exactly what is suppose to be done in this circumstances no I don't find him hypocrital. You do because it's not about OW OC his family comes first. I respect him, but I guess if OW OC came first then he wouldn't be so hypocrital, my point exactly. It's a problem here when MM put his family first OC OW has to take a back seat.Some of you have a problem with this.

Gosh malc your so good at reading minds... Funny how you come up with comments that were never said and in fact never thought by me, and I doubt any one else on here.

I put my husband before om, and vise versa, why would any one do any different, That would be silly.


mfof

Good luck with your marriage, and maybe if you sincerely want in your childs life you will be able to convince a judge you should be there.
good luck. But your right some times nc is a great thing...

I'm good at reading statememts. My comment was in reply to you calling MFO5 hypocrital. Like I said before, sometimes you have to hear what a person is not saying.Especially when a person is being called something for trying to do what's right for his family. One come to ask what are you really saying he's hypocritical about.
Truthfully speaking I'm not going back and forth with you on this OK.

Mom of Five

No more sarcasm, no more fighting unfairly, no more cheap shots, stop being snotty, stop chasing away Newbies who are confused and in enormous pain with your judgmental scoldings and back off. Maybe if you would hold your tongue and not post right away you might learn something.

With you enormous brood, where do you find the time to spend so much time here policing dialogue and chastising others for their comments?

Catnip =^^=

cat nip,
I do not have to explain my self to you, nor do I intend to, I am able to post as I would guess are you. You always seem concerned I shouldnt have time to post, First I make good use of my time, but thank you for your concern.
My kids are not babies , they do not require me to wipe their noses on an hourly basis. And if you check the times of some of my post, children are asleep or gone.
On the contrary I have learned alot, I once again did not ask you to agree with me catnip, I can see you dont realise this, but some people are able to have opinions of their own and not afraid to post one that is different.
I also told him I would let others help him and stay out of it, which I will, But he asked for an opinion and I gave one, thats all.

So forgive me for not checking with you before I wrote. we know what they say about opinions, TAKE WHAT YOU WANT AND THROW OUT THE REST.
HAVE A NICE DAY CATNIP. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

With you enormous brood, where do you find the time to spend so much time here policing dialogue and chastising others for their comments?

Their are several on here who have large broods, you only dislike the ones who disagree with you.
I love my family enormous brood or not, it is never dull around here. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Myfamilyof5,

I was wondering how you were doing! It is rare when a WH comes to post on his situation, and I, for one, am truly interested in what you may have to say about your's! There are so many differences in each situation, but all can learn from others here.

Just wanted to touch base.

Tigger

Since you are talking about how Harley's principles say to put the marriage before OC or any children, could you tell me where to find that? My husband is having a OC (he is now my ex actually- it has been a month) and he said he had to leave me to be a full time dad. I keep hoping he will see that I am a victim as well as the child- that the child is innocent, yes, but so am I. I have searched this website extensively but I can't find where Harley addresses this. Please help!