We still have no final outcome as to this point regarding possible oc.

I know above all else that in our current situation the devil is trying to win. the devil is trying to steal my marriage, trying to steal my faith, trying to steal my peace, trying to make me believe that my marriage is over, trying to make me believe that we'll be dirt poor, and just in general trying to defeat me...After all, that's what the devil is all about...DEFEAT.

However, God has been working on me. I can tell you that I've come a long way since d-day.

I can also tell you that it frustrates me that I still have little respect for my husband. I am still angry about his lack of protection during sex, I am still angry that we are spending money on this case, and angry that I am even in this situation.

I suppose that my anger means I have not finished the forgiveness process...? I wonder if people farther along in this process, Catnip, Maryjanes, BinThereDunThat, Matthew 6, Twiisty, Gemini, Stacia, Jenny, and any that I failed to mention can help me with this.....

It's five months past d=day and I don't want the devil to win. I know that if possible oc turns out to be his that God will provide the money for that because he promised he would supply all my needs. I know that God can restore my marriage (He just didn't say when) and I know that greater is HE that is in me than He that is in the world....

I just don't know how much longer these thoughts of disgust and repulsiveness will be around. I hate it when someone tells me how great my H is because my flesh wants to scream....."you don't know him or what he's done" but I keep my mouth shut.

Please ladies..when does this end? What can I do that I'm not doing to help the feelings return, what can I do to help my thoughts, what can I do to feel differently towards my husband? How do I stop feeling like I'm in a bubble waiting for my life to move forward?

Thoughts ladies.....I'm open to some suggestions

Hey you...

It looks like you have just been handed your life assignment, huh? At least, that is what it looks like from where I sit...

I don't think the enemy ever gives up and just quits. I think he gives up when the stuff he comes at us with doesn't work on us anymore.

What I mean is the devil won't waste his time trying to *bother* us with something that doesn't bother us!

For one thing, you stated that there is a "possible" OC, so that's potentially good news! Even so, you still will need to work on recovering from the A. That is work, in and of itself. Recovering and then affair-proofing your marriage through the MB concepts... So you still have work to do, with or without OC...

But how to deal with people's glowing perceptions of your H when they don't live with him and see every one of his flaws... Personally, I think you did the right thing but not saying anything! That was the perfect reaction, IMO.

Some day, I believe your H will rise up to be the husband God created him to be and you will be so glad you didn't spill the beans.

Keep the faith! See your H through God's eyes. If you can't and don't, then ask God and keep asking God to help you to see him the way He sees him.

I don't know if you have read "Power of a Praying Wife" but that really helps me when I feel disrespect for my H for whatever reason. I'm reading a new one that I heard about on MB and it's pretty good too, called "Surrendered Wife." I found a close-out version on the web for like 4 bucks... You can read excerpts on amazon.com.

(((HUGS)))

Marriage ain't easy, period. Two becoming one is work. Hang in there! Keep the prayers alive!

It has been 4 months for me, and I feel the same way that you do. There times that I just don't want to look at h or even for him to touch me. I pray to God to help me through this but it is just so hard. I also just hate when people tell me what a great husband that I have. I too just don't say a word. I have loss 20 pounds in 4 months since d-day.

I will keep you in my prayers. I know GOD will make a way for us, but the wait is so hard and the expense it killing us.

keep in touch

BTDT: </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Some day, I believe your H will rise up to be the husband God created him to be and you will be so glad you didn't spill the beans.

Keep the faith! See your H through God's eyes. If you can't and don't, then ask God and keep asking God to help you to see him the way He sees him.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Thank you for those words.

What do I do with this anger though....Pastor has given me several books on the power of the tongue and also a book on my worth in Christ. The tongue has to be bridled however I have this anger inside of me about this situation that has to be addressed.

I can think of NO positive confession, verse, scripture or anything else to say about this situation.

Matthew 6 and I were discussing the closure issue for me. This case has dragged on for months and maybe that closure is part of what I need to move forward...a final outcome and whatever God's will is.

My mind runs rampant with things but I'm trying not to focus too much on the 'what if's' b/c they will drive me crazy.

Thoughts?

angelia,
Sorry not to chime in sooner, but...

Do you give your H any opportunities to comfort you? I mean, do you sometimes get a chance to tell him how very hurt you still are, how difficult this is, and if you do, will he re-iterate how sorry he is, so that you can see his remorse and his attempts to comfort you in your pain?

Does he understand that 5 months is not enough time for you to "be over" this? We betrayed spouses should not beat up the wandering spouse constantly or frequently, but we should still get chances to share our pain. This is not a MINOR event!!!!!!! Estimates are 2 years to recovery, and that assumes NO O-child...

Are you guys in any kind of counseling, and/or working through any recovery book ideas? It's really critical to work on the marital issues or personal issues that "allowed" the A to happen, so that it never happens again.

God be with you.
J
in recovery 4.5y and glad I stayed

Thumbs up to what Jenny said...

Anger is camouflaged hurt. Deal with your hurts, don't bury them. Pray and ask God to help you.

When you lash out ask God to help you not to because if He doesn't help us--we'll do it again! WE NEED HELP!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> Keep the faith! You'll get through this!

Angelia,

I see forgiveness in a slightly different light. I don't see it as never having an angry thought about the affair, never having something trigger a painful memory, or ever, in anyway, liking the affair. I think forgiveness is having put down your weapons. You choose not to extract vengance for the wrongs done to you. Forgiveness is a process and a decision that we have to reaffirm frequently, sometimes even daily.

As for respect returning, that takes a while. I am gaining back respect for my H slowly as I see him return to an honorable life, crawl out of his depression which had gone on long enough to become self-indulgence. He is honest with me. I respect that. He chose to stay and work this out with me when it would have been easier for either one of us to run. I respect that. He gave me my heart's desire--children. I respect that. He is being a good and kind father to our children. I respect that. I don't respect who he was during his affair, but I am learning respect for the new person he is becoming. He is more humble, kinder, softer than he ever was. He still struggles horribly with guilt and shame. I pray for his healing (not often enough though). I wish him no more suffering.

I don't even wish exOW any more suffering. She was desperately in love with him even though he treated her like dirt. She is a single mother, something she never thought would happen to her. If she were still acting like an idiot (like in the beginning) I would feel much differently toward her. Everyone in this horrible situation has been hurt enough already. All have lost. I hope we can now conduct ourselves with dignity and concern for all the children involved.

(Yup, I am Pollyanna reborn. Please know that I often present just the best side of myself on the board. I have my moments also. I just keep my mouth shut and keep my thoughts to myself.)

Oh yes, pray, pray, pray.

MJ