Hello ladies,
I am mostly a lurker but I have posted here in the past when I first found out about OC, 2 years ago. My H does not have contact with OC at all. OC lives in the same city, actually very close by but H has never met him. We were orginally supposed to meet 2 years ago at a public location but OW filed back child support papers without letting H know and he got very angry and cancelled the meeting. Since then, he told OW that he wants no contact with her or OC. We pay child support but that is it. Am I the only one here who has a problem with the fact that H is not being a father to OC? OC has no real father figure in his life and he is getting to the age where I know that he is starting to question who his father is (4 years old). I have told H how I feel about the situtation but I have not/will not push him in that direction. I guess part of me realizes that eventually H will have to answer to OC why he chose not to be a part of his life and I don't think the fact that H doesn't get along with OW is going to cut it in OC eyes. Just wondering if anyone else felt this way.

I can speak for my husband only, I would not be able to keep him from a child he created, the child is innocent, and getting along or not getting along is just an excuse to not take responsibility, because this day and age you dont even have to have contact with the mother to be in the childs life. Sad but it happens all the time.
If your husband knows its ok with you to see child, and still doesnt want to , there isnt much you can do except make sure he knows its ok.
You can tell him you want to and start being involved, but you still cant make a father be a father, look how many fathers dont have any thing to do with the children they created with in a marriage.

I see things a bit differently, first of all I don't feel the baby is innocent, and for awhile I was feeling ahh the poor baby!!! But one day I realized It was AHHHH the poor wife and children not the baby and AHHH the poor irreresponsible adults, who couldn't even use protection. So my feelings changed and I feel fine about it and can live with my decision, because the other would be to accept it and have a constant reminder in my face , that I can't live with.So I guess what I'm really saying is it really is a personal choice on what you can live with as a person.

Jill

Hi
Sorry you are hear, Please read here this could be helpful to you. Respect your H decision about NC.

There are some cases here were contact with OC produced another OC. This may be a lesson and a blessing to you and your Marriage. Read what Dr Harley has to say.

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi5063b_qa.html

Also read this from a poster who H had Contact with OC and OW in the process OC # 2 is here and H has left the BS to be with OW

Now would you want this to happened to you? OW wasn't thinking about possibilties of NC concerning OC. I bet her intentions was to get your H away from you, by any means possible.

Ow arrogance didn't allow her to think of the possibiltie of NC. Also read Tina reply under
Angel's thread,Tina she too tried Contact that produced OC#2.

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/cgi-bin/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic;f=35;t=003062

<small>[ April 10, 2003, 02:00 AM: Message edited by: MALC ]</small>

I guess my situation is a little different. My H's affair happened while we were engaged about 6 months before we got married. I didn't find out about OC until we had been married for about 6 months. H told OW that he was single, that he was engaged but the engagement had been broken off. So the feelings of OW being a home recker, trying to end my marriage have never been there for me. Not to say that given the opportunity she wouldn't try to break us up, but that was not her original intention. For awhile, I was the go-between for the two of them because they could not have a civil conversation: he was mad at her because he felt like she got pregnant on purpose(lied about birth control, etc.) and she was mad at him for lying about being in a relationship. During that time, I got the sense that she was very bitter but that her intentions were for her son to know his father. Mind you, things weren't smooth sailing by any means but there weren't any of the crazy things going on that you often read about from some OW.

As far as an OC #2, I have and would always be very involved in any dealings between H and OW. There were never any meetings alone, no private phone conversations, nothing.(and I checked) I am trying to look at it like its one less thing that I have to deal with but there is this nagging feeling in the back on my mind on how this just isn't right.

If I were you, I would leave it alone and let your H decides what he wants. Your focus should be on your marriage. Putting to much into this, one would ask what's your motivE. Let your H decide what's best for him far as C or NC. Whatever he decides he will discuss it with you
if he decides not to and he tells you why he wants NC. Then please respect his wishes.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">As far as an OC #2, I have and would always be very involved in any dealings between H and OW. There were never any meetings alone, no private phone conversations, nothing.(and I checked) I am trying to look at it like its one less thing that I have to deal with but there is this nagging feeling in the back on my mind on how this just isn't right.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">

I hear you, suppose after you have pressured him into C then H decides he doesn't want your involvement because he has resentments towards you for pressing the issue than what?

<small>[ April 12, 2003, 05:27 PM: Message edited by: MALC ]</small>