My h is having a baby with OW. She is due in August. He came to me asking for forgiveness but then he decided he had to be a full time dad. OW is divorced now, she has a 2.5 year old that she only gets every other weekend. I have been praying for him and for her. Our divorce was final about 3 weeks ago. Is there anything else I can do but pray? I was willing to help him with the child, but OW wants him to marry her and for them to be a family. He isn't clear on what he wants- he just says God is working on him.

sounds like slime to me...

I wish you the best that God has to offer. I wish I could say, Pray, and God will give it to you. but let me say it will be His will done, not ours... so with that I would say though, Pray, ask that he bless your life, that he hold you near and dear, that he work within you so that he may use u to minister to others. you will be wonderful in the end so long as you focus your eyes on the prize... Jesus

God Bless you and keep you. and may a hedge of protection, comfort and peace beset you!

Father of myfamilyof5

Thank you for replying. Your message was a good reminder to me. I have had a bad day again because I found out my ex-husband has lied about even more stuff. I am totally devastated all over again and I know that Jesus loves me so much and that I don't need to keep getting emotionally beaten up. I have to let go and let him make his own decisions without having to deal with the pain myself. It is extremely hard because my ex-husband acts like he is sorry and distraught at how he has hurt me but I don't know how that can be true.

Times will be hard for you but most imporantly take care of yourself, wash your hands clean you divorced him, now he needs to lie in the bed he made, without you.Only time will heal you . He's a big boy making big discisions, Go take care of yourself and take time to sort thru your feelings.Things do get better it's just sometimes so hard to believe.Hope you have a good day today!!!! Do something for yourself and try your best to be happy.

JILL

Thanks Jaggerslady. I did divorce him and I know I didn't have a choice but sometimes I feel guilty and I know it is completely unwarranted. I guess I just thought that I would be married to him forever and it is hard to let go of that fantasy. Thinking of him having a baby with someone else though is awful, but I know that God works all things for good and that He will bless me. I will do something fun for me- thanks!!
Michele

Michele,

I take it that you and your (ex)H have no children together, correct?

I would advise you to have limited contact with your husband right now, but keep it nice and pleasant when you do. I'd also urge you not to start dating for at least 6 months (preferrably 12). There is a chance (a good one) that his affair will end badly, and he may want to return to you. You'll have to decide for yourself as to whether you want him---but you need time to heal right now, and you don't need the complication of a new relationship to throw a wrench into the works.

As for the lying, it's just the typical crap that comes with an affair. Don't take it hard---it's normal. And do have some fun---try to take some time to do things that you're interested in and enjoy.

God bless.

K,
Thanks for the advice. We do not have children together and I will tell you that while I am grateful for that, I am also sick of the people out there who say "well at least you don't have kids and you can move on". Huh. What is that? In my heart sometimes I wonder if we could reconcile someday, but if I tell anyone that I think that they would think I have lost my mind. But God makes all things possible and I believe Ryan is in a FOG still. His lying is so hurtful- lies about everything from how many times they did it to when he saw her and talked to her. He said he is nasty and despicable and feels terrible for doing it and doesn't know what has come over him but that just makes me feel worse because he doesn't do anything to change it. He even took OW to church yesterday (one near her house) to try to "help" her. What is that? He said he told her he loved her a couple of weeks ago but that he knows that God is really after him and putting His finger on him and that he knows how much he has hurt me and that he has to get right with God and prove that he is remorseful. What I don't understand- and maybe I am naive- but why doesn't he "get" that God wants him to turn from his sin, and turn to Him and our marriage first? God says that he should leave his mother and father and cleave to his wife. God doesn't say..unless you have a baby with someone else, then run to them and take them to church?!?! Why can't he see that the best thing he can do for OW is to walk away from her and pray fervently that whatever is best for the child (Haley Faith- due August 18) will be shown to him? I just don't understand if he is seeking God, what is so hard to figure out. But maybe that is because I am not in his shoes.

K,
I know I went on about the lying again and you are right, it is normal because he isn't thinking clearly and he is trapped in his addiction. But it still really hurts because I feel totally betrayed. I don't know how I could ever believe what he says, yet I really want to. That is what makes it tough too. I don't want to hold on to something that isn't there. I know I just have to pray for God's will and trust him, but it is still very painful.

Michele,

It sounds as though you recognize this affair for what it is, and are handling things as best you can. I think that there may be hope for a reconciliation, but you're going to have to leave it up to your husband.

If you've read Surviving an Affair, then you should be familiar with Plan B (a no contact separation). One of the elements in starting Plan B is a letter stating your love for your spouse, your need for "no contact" with them until the affair is over, and a hope that they will return when the affair is over. It would be my advice to you to put a Plan B into place soon: it will protect you (somewhat) from having to deal with your husband's continued affair. It will also clearly define your willingness to reconcile, should he end this affair (I know that you've divorced). I think that this is the best that you can do for this difficult situation.

God bless.

K,
I haven't read SAA, but I will. I have read this website extensively so I know what Plan B is. We have to talk because we are selling our house, besides that we don't have to. So I could write the letter stating all that you said. I don't think he understands that he can't be talking to me and to her. He might be a bit of a "cake eater". If there was no baby, he might not be torn, but if there was no baby, he might still be deep in the adultery.; her getting pregnant woke him up, it is too bad it took that to get him to have some sense. But I think he is still a bit foggy since he has still lied and still says he likes talking to me and misses me- even though I know he is talking to her. So thank you for the advice- I will start the letter.
Michele

Yes, read SAA and see myfamilyof5's thread where I posted another helpful article...

You are an innocent victim of your H's affair, as is the OC. Dr.Harley recommends saving marriages and removing OPs & possibilities of rekindling affairs from your lives...

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/cgi-bin/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic;f=35;t=003604;p=2

<small>[ April 15, 2003, 04:56 PM: Message edited by: BINthereDUNthat ]</small>