This is one of those nights that I just ache so bad and have nowhere or no one to turn to. DNA test came back last Friday,(April 4) and the baby is my ex-WS. My ex-WS keeps on talking about reconciliation, but little ever changes on his behalf. Baby is almost 10 months old. Has Down Syndrome. I have had contact with the baby and have been willing to consider ongoing contact should my ex-WS and I get back together. BIG problem, ex-WS still has the other woman and baby living with him. Says it's because she had no job, no place to live and couldn't put "his" baby out in the streets. Says he can't stand her, doesn't see what he ever saw in her, that they have nothing in common, that she is extremely self centered,and that they argue constantly. Has given me numerous promises and dates of when he was moving out, but is still there. Bottom line....
I still love this guy, deeply!! I cried and cried tonight about how hard it is to not be with someone that I love so much. I may be "co-dependent" or stupid, or sick, but it still HURTS SO BAD!! With all his faults, this man has brought so many wonderful things to my life, experiences and feelings that I had never had before. The powerlessness I feel about not being able to "fix it" or make it better for myself leads to such despair. Yes, I'm in therapy and on anti-depressants. But it's still a horrendous loss and the grieving seems like it will never end. The relationship is so fragile and elusive. It's like I can a-l-m-o-s-t see it coming together and then...nothing! I'm not really looking for any "advice". I would just like a few shoulders to cry on from others who can truly understand how deeply painful this is. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{lilymarie}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

HELLO TIGGER, sorry you feel so bad but believe me you're not alone. my h of 19yrs left me in sept 2002 for other woman and she got pregnant 6wks later, baby due july 03, i'm still crying, still hurt, and still reading d.b. for help and advice, but no matter what you read or what anyone says, when you have a 'down day' you have a down day and you have to get through it. my h has never tried to come back, he has cut me out of his life, although he claims he wants us to be friends, at least your h is talking to you so there is a glimmer of hope, be strong, be positive and get through this hell that nobody can ever understand if they haven't been through it themselves, xxx