I recently cheayed on my H of 11 years, married for 6. I got preg by OM, I have tried and tried to show H oh sorry I was and to show how much I would do anything to keep our family together. We have 3 children already and I'm having OM twins in about two months. No matter what I do or say, it doesn't change anything, he hasn't chosen to leave me but he took off his wedding band, stopped telling me he loves me and gives me the silent treatment.I'm confused, if he doesn't love me or want me anymore, than why does he stay? I'm dying inside and I feel so alone, I know I brought this on myself but I'm trying to make it right. Should I give up? <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

I'm not as an experienced poster as others on this board. But to me.... if you love your H and want your marriage to work than I say DON'T GIVE UP!
I'm currently pregnant also and my H and I now live in separate homes, but we're discovering that our feelings are still there for each other. I'm realizing how very much I love him and have always loved him, and I am recieving the wonderful gift of knowing that even though I have hurt him in the deepest of ways that his love for me was able to survive. It amazes me (and humbles me too).
In a lot of ways you're lucky that your H is still at home so that you can show how much you appreciate him and love him.
Take care,
e.

Sorry,

How long has your H known? Have you two gone to counseling? Have you read any of the articles here?
Who is going to pay for and raise these twins? What is the status of the OM in your life? Does he know he is to be the father of twins?

In order to respond we will need some information along the lines of the questions I just posted.

It sounds like your H loves you, but is having a very hard time handling this. Is this a surprise to you?

If you want this marriage you are going to have to work for it AND do so effectively. I would suggest doing some reading. Surviving an Affair by Harley would be a good start.

Keep posting and reading you will learn alot.

God Bless,

JL

Well, it doesn't look like there is help for my situaton. My H is leaving me, The OM has nothing to do with my life anymore and really it only lasted 2 months. I have decided to give the twins up for adoption. I can't offer the life to them that they deserve and they don't need to be in my mixed up life. My H and I have been together for 11 years and married for 6. He just can't let it go and told me the reason he is still here is because he feels sorry for me and doesn't want to kick me out with nowhere to go or no income. I guess he still cares some but not enough to continue a life with me anymore. The last two weeks have been pure #$@!. He talks to me like I am trash.So there is no hope here.

Sorry,

Don't be in such a hurry to give up. Please answer the questions I asked you. It is important to know how long your H has known about the pregnancy. It is important to know where you and he are in this situation.

It may be that he will not work on this, but it is also possible with time and patience on your side that you two can come to work on the marriage again.

So don't give up yet. Your H's feelings and reaction are pretty normal, but they may change if you do.

God Bless,

JL

You are being too pessimistic and are taking your H's words too literal. Anything can happen in the weeks and months to come and your H may change his mind and decide that he wants to remain with you and rebuild the marriage.

Try to put yourself a little in your H's shoes and imagine if the roles had been reversed how devastated you would be and how you would naturally lash out against him. Right now your H is like a wounded animal that is licking his wounds and lashes out against the source of his pain that tries to get too close to him.

If he's showing compassion for your wellfare, it means that deep down inside he still cares a lot about you. Your continued expressions of deep remorse may help him with dealing with his pain.

You are not alone, we are here for you.

sorry
Things change so fast in these situations, sometimes on an hourly basis, Keep trying and dont give up.
Do what you need to do. If you can not care for the chldren, then adoption is a great thing, many couples are not able to have children. But I caution you not to make decisions too fast whe emotions are so over the top.

By the way my husband was leaving if I didnt abort my child.. He is still here and we are doing well.

Well, an update to all,there isn't one. To answer junior members questions, H knew about the pregnancy since the day I found out. I came out and told him everything. I did not try to hide it.I doubt he will change his mind. But I am looking forward to a new start. I would love for him to be part of that but if he can't find it in himself then it's better if we are seperate. I'm tired of being tired and I'm tired of trying for nothing and I'm not going to keep apologizing to someone thats being stubborn and oh yeah, the put myself in his shoes statement: He did this to me five times before we got married early in our relationship, he didn't get anyone pregnant but he left me with bills, a house and eight months pregnant with his first born all so he could run around.This happened five or more times from him and I managed to forgive him. I guess whats good for the goose isn't so good for the gander after all.

Why are you expecting him to get over your infidelity so soon? Did you get over his infidelities immediately?

It's not just about forgiveness but also of dealing with images in his mind of you in bed with another man and on top of it, also dealing with live images of your body changing right before his eyes. How would you feel if one of his OW was pregnant with his OC and she was to live with you for nine months, all the time witnessing the changes in her body? It be excruciatingly painful wouldn't it?